Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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SBoom 08/13/2009

I'm not myself anymore.
I used to be fun. I used to be easy going. I used to be able to take anything the world threw at me in stride. I used to be strong. I used to be a rock for everyone around me. I used to be able to pull myself through my episodes of depression just by wanting to get through bad enough. I used to be happy. I used to be okay.

I'm none of those things anymore.

I'm not myself anymore at all.

I'm holding back tears all day every day. I just want to scream and cry and throw things and just go apeshit.. but I can't. I've been snappy. I've been hard to get along with. I've been weak. I've been bitchy. I've been hateful.

I don't know who I am anymore and it's driving me insane.

I used to be so proud of who I am. I used to have every reason to be proud. I was a great friend, a great sister, a great daughter, a great everything.. every role I played I played well. But I can't do it anymore. I'm not strong enough anymore and I don't know what happened.

It all started last august when the love of my life shit on my heart. And I know it is stupid to be in so much pain over some stupid guy and I don't want to believe that this all stems back to him. Everything that sprialed out of control since then. Getting worse and worse and worse and I can't handle it. I'm useless now. I'm not worht a fucking dime being the way I am. But for the first time in my life it feels like there is nothing I can do. I try and I try and I try to get back to being the person I used to be.. the real me.. but I can't do it. I'm just this sad, pathetic nobody and I want out so bad but no matter how hard I try I'm just stuck here hating myself and hating my life and hating everyone and everything. Why am I like this?

I've been depressed so many times before. But never like this. Never like this...

deleted_user 08/13/2009

maybe all that nudity is become mundane.
have you tried playing with clothes on?

deleted_user 08/13/2009

i have no real advice. im in a similar situation. i try and try, and i cant control my depression. i need real life change now. but to much change and i could ruin my life, and be homeless...

deleted_user 08/14/2009

I know that this is so cliche' to write this: but it you have to know, that you are not alone. You are NOT. I battle with the demon depression everyday of my life, and tonight I just had to reach out, so I logged on to this site. Everything you say, I have felt--even losing a boyfriend. You feel worse because the depression may have been dormant because he filled you up time for you. Now, you are left alone with your thoughts. If this doesn't help you, please call suicide prevention hotline--just google or yahoo it; I don't have the number. Right now the "why" isn't what matters; what matters is the "what." What will happen is that the intensity of the pain you are feeling will recede. It always does. I don't know much, but I know that. I have had three suicide attempts; the last one was the worst and did probable permanent physical damage to me. Remember: most attempts are not successful. This should not be the predominant deterrent, but think about an involuntary commitment to a psych. ward--it isn't fun. laws vary depending on states, but here in Wisconsin, you don't get out, without a settlement agreement where you are watched by a social worker. This is not meant to be fear-based; I just want you to know that suicide is not the answer; it just isn't. Please, get help, and know that we are still PIONEERS apropos to this thing called depression which is awful........but we have to fight, fight, fight......sending you a big hug.

WanderingVet 08/14/2009

A broken heart is a big pain. One some live with all their life, but in most cases it fades reasonably well over time. I think you are capable of overcoming that pain .. give it some more time and appreciate yourself as much as possible. Work on 'getting back' from the setback. I am sure you will succeed.

deleted_user 08/14/2009

It sounds to me like you might be experiencing a deep situational depression hun..The situation being the pain that was caused by your break up last year..It is a specific event, and since it happened, you seem to be more depressed.. Are you on any meds? Anti depressants can be really helpful for this kind of thing..It happened to me once after a miscarriage, and was on antidepressants for about 6-9 months, and then was able to come off..
I may be way off base here, but just the feeling I got from reading your post..I hope you are able to pinpoint what is wrong, and that you get to feeling better really soon! Hugs xxx

deleted_user 08/14/2009

ps...you certainly ARE NOT worthless...but feeling so is another sign of depression.. Hugsxxx

SBoom 08/14/2009

I don't even know if this still has anything to do with the breakup..
that was so fucking long ago.. it was last august. And when I'm depressed I'm not thinking about him. I'm not still hurting about him.. but for some reason, I am still hurting about something and this time it's harder to pull myself out of this place. I don't know what hurts. I'm just unhappy. I keep finding things to be upset about. I keep overreacting. I'm not pleasant. I can't stand it.. I only see it in hindsight...

I've never tried medication. I just don't know if I can take that step. I'm not sure I feel comfortable with it.

deleted_user 08/14/2009

What are you worried about with medication? If it helped you feel better, helped you get out of this really low place, and get back to the way you used to be, wouldn't that be a good thing? Do you somehow feel like you have to do it on your own, by yourself?

SBoom 08/14/2009

pretty much.. yeah...

deleted_user 08/14/2009

It helped me decide that medicine would be OK for me when I realized how much I was missing of my life and my children's life because I was depressed, and how much energy I was putting into just struggling to make it through each day. I realized that if the depression really did come from a chemical imbalance in my brain, there was no way I was going to be able to "think" my brain into the right balance. when I took meds and felt better, I could devote all that energy to things and people that really did make a difference for me.

SBoom 08/14/2009

I'm just afraid that if I'm on meds I won't be myself anymore.

deleted_user 08/14/2009

SBoom, you started this discussion stating that "I'm not myself anymore." So, why state that you don't want to take them because you may "not be myself anymore."? You're not yourself now. Meds may or may not help you, but taking meds does not mean that you have lost control. If they help (and especially with situational depression, they often do), you may find yourself acting like "yourself" again. I believe that at any given time 25 percent of people on antidepressants aren't finding them effective. So, if that occurs, then you go on to plan "b". The point is that if you are at the point where you are considering suicide a viable option, why wouldn't you consider trying a medication that may help you--what at this point do you have to lose?

SBoom 08/14/2009

I'm not considering suicide

deleted_user 08/14/2009

What are you doing to feel better? Have you talked to a doctor or a therapist? Are you busy, doing things with friends or family, working, studying? What do you enjoy now, and what did you enjoy before? How are you sleeping and eating?

Please really look at the things you are saying to yourself, and see if you find anything that might give you some guidance there:
you want to feel better on your own, without meds
you are not yourself anymore
you are afraid you won't be yourself if you take meds
and on another thread, you mention smoking weed to help ease anxiety
(I'm not saying anything negative about smoking weed. If that works for you, great. But I'm a little puzzled as to why prescription medications throw up such a roadblock for you, and weed is not a problem.)

have you ever tried going to somewhere alone and just letting yourself scream, cry, punch a pillow, do whatever you need to do to try to get all your hurt and frustration out? Sometimes we really do need to do that. We feel so miserable because we're trying to look OK, fake our way through, be strong, and we're keeping everything all bottled up inside, and it eats us alive. Once we finally let it out, we can begin to get up and move on.

if that man is gone, then he was not The One. You're much too young to think that you've lost your last chance at the love of your life.

ElenaNJ 08/14/2009

sorry ur having a tough time right now. i hope you find some strenght to help yourself get through this. i'm here if u want to talk.

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