Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I just can’t. I’m so tired. Half of my life destroyed by this horrible, heavy depression. I thought I could and was getting better but it was just a lie. I’m still just as depressed and after a short while of feeling better it hurts so much more. I hate my mother - actually I love her more than life, my life in particular. I promised her I wouldn’t kill myself because she said I would essentially be killing her as well. But I hate that I made that promise and that I will actually keep it. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want this life. I feel this horrible scream about to rip out of my throat like an animal caught in a trap. Stuck here. She’ll never let me go. And I love her too much to leave her.
you are not alone. as isolating and lonely as depression can feel, i can really, truly relate to your post. i have suffered with depression, on and off in various forms since the age of 13. 5 years later, and here i am. i had a really great first months of 2017, however last month everything kind of just hit me again like a rock. i am kind of once again reorganizing my life to try and combat this and here are some of the potential ideas i've came across and hope might interest you too ... meditation & mindfulness is HUGE apparently, i have always been a bit of a skeptic as when you're in a depressive mind frame you feel nothing will work however, at this point what do you have to lose? i cut all caffeine out of my life, am significantly reducing my screen time and social media usage (as i don't want to see everyone else's "happy" lives, while here i am), exercise has been a game changer for me. even when i want nothing but to lay in bed, i curse and force myself (and hate myself initially) to get out and exercise - whether that be simply a walk or a full-out hour of cardio. up to you! the endorphins that exercising naturally releases in your head can really help your frame of mind, even if just for some period of time, any relief is worth it. obviously, if you're not already, being on medication for depression or anxiety can be life-changing. i have been medicated for 5 years, and haven't personally noticed anything too significant although i have just started a new anti-depressant and am trying to stay hopeful. everyone's different. setting and sticking to a strict schedule can often be really important for people with depression, so that each day they HAVE to do something. take it day by day. volunteering has helped me stick to my schedule and commitments, while taking my mind off my problems so i can focus on the needs of others. i really love working with kids and people with special needs, just an idea! i know how appealing suicide may seem. believe me, it's a daily struggle of mine as well and i am truly sorry to hear you experience that same pain. i wouldn't wish it on my greatest enemy. as hard as it may be right now, keep that promise to your mother. that's the one sole thing that has always held me back from taking my own life - how crushed my mother would be. the happiness will come, it just will take a lot of patience, self-love, and effort. even though it may come in waves, it will not always feel this intense. use how you felt some relief before as comfort that things are not always this bad. that's something my mother has always told me, "despite how intense the pain and feelings are right now, it won't always be like this. you will experience your relief again." if you ever need to talk, i am here - going through it all too. anyone who deals with this awful disease is a fucking warrior for making it out day after day. keep fighting, we're stronger than it is.
And also go on because were here for each other and your not alone anymore you have us you can talk to anyone of us and well respond as people who understand.