Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I hate everything and want to die. I am so tired of feeling so alone and so horrible all of the time. I have been fighting these for years and years and I just keep waiting for it to get better and it just seems to get worse. I am just a horrible disgusting person and I hate myself so much. I feel so alone and so incredibly pathetic. I don't tell people how I actually feel anymore, I just make it seem like I am odng okay because I don't want to be annoying and I hate being a disappointment. I just can't anymore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQsZujjZWs0
Self-hate is fun, and kind of soothing. But... it's a bit go nowhere. I wonder if we do it because we're omega group member? If we have no status, and we are miserable, and we can't understand but we can't change our status - then maybe self-hate is a mammalian way of balancing that equation? I wonder if other group members can identify us by our body positions and other obsequieties, and respond automatically, unconsciously, to our status positioning by shitting on us? I BET they do. I bet they do...
Do monkeys do this I wonder? The lowest status keeps itself obsequious and biddable through a litany of self-hate?
I used to keep thin doing this. Absolute self-hatred, punishing myself by not eating. I found it psychologically soothing. Now I can't muster the self hate and I get fat.
I think you have to take a good hard look at the way you treat yourself and ask yourself if you are the kind of person to ditch a friend when they need you most. So nobody else likes you. So what? Do you like everything they like? Do you even like THEM?
We don't always get friends but it doesn't matter. If nobody knows you have no friends, that's the same as having friends they don't know about. So just fake it. And join groups. Cossy club. night classes. Play netball on a saturday. Keep busy, and keep learning, and meet people.
People from different groups and places. Have more than one place to be.
And smile. And take an interest in other people. Think of a bundle of questions you can ask about them, and then think of a bundle of questions you can ask now that you know that stuff about them. Pretty soon they'll be chatting away to you. People love talking about themselves.
And after a while they'll ask you questions, too. :)
Fake it till you make it. And never betray yourself. If you can't be trusted to care about your best interests, who can?
Be nice to yourself. Go buy yourself some flowers. And a card. And say sorry.