I have been where you are. You can get help. These feelings you feel, you aren't alone. Stay safe, okay?

Hey, Imtoonumb. Please keep reaching out! I want you to be healthy and happy - you can do this, I know you can.
Do you have a free clinic in your community? If you live in a city or near a city, there should be some around. These clinics often offer some sort of mental health resources. Here is a link for the Free Clinic Finder - https://www.pparx.org/prescription_assistance_programs/free_clinic_finder. You can find the free clinics closest to you. This link can also help you find free clinics - https://findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov/. So even if you are not in a city or close to one, check it out and see if any clinics are nearby.
Also, you could reach out to your school and say, "Hey. I talked to the school counselor during the school year and it was really beneficial. Unfortunately, I am still depressed and suicidal, so I NEED to keep up therapy during the summer. Who do you recommend?"
Also, if you have health insurance, you likely can find a therapist in your area that you can meet with just for a copay (usually about $20 per visit, but depends on insurance of course). I use zocdoc.com - you can put in what type of insurance you have, your zip code, and what kind of healthcare provider you are looking for (in your case, a therapist or psychiatrist) and it will show you matches in your area within a certain mile range (you can choose 10 miles away, 25 miles away, etc.) It also shows you next available appointment times - so one therapist may not have an opening until October whereas another therapist may have multiple openings this week! You can book your appointment through zocdoc too - I always call to book appointments though because I'm old-fashioned like that haha.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) can also help set you up with the resources you need. This is their number: 1-800-950-NAMI.
If you are ever suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
You are strong, my dear! Good for you for trying to help yourself.

Do you have any other relatives you could talk to, like aunts or uncles or grandparents? Perhaps a church.

You are a strong person. The fact that you are here talking about your troubles shows that. Is there a friend that you feel safe to talk to about this? Maybe a family member?

I'm not much older than you. I've learned that talking to strangers who have never heard your story seem to be the best way for me to stand up to this. Forget about what other people say about you. You are unique in your own way. That makes you are perfect as a person can be. You just need to find support in the community here. We care and want to help.

Audere thank you! Ill try!
Lilysawyer, thank you for your concerns but all my grandparents are transphobic and I am not religious, but thank you.

I pray that you soon find relief in your pain. Sometimes we need to dig deep inside of us to find out why we feel this way. It takes more energy to hate than to love. Sometimes it is love that will heal us, to know that you are loved, to know that you are important. Don't let anyone tell you ever that you are worthless, find a church counselor, or a minister to speak with. I have always found out, that prayer changes things.

im really thankful but again, i am NOT religious. i believed for a while but i learned quickly that i need to learn to deal by myself.