Hi, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I was severely bullied from second grade until my graduating year of 2001. I was constantly told I was ugly and fat, and it's ruined my self-esteem. I hope I can get it back someday, but so far, hasn't worked and nothing has helped me gain that so needed self-esteem. I still see myself as everyone else did years ago and it's really sad and hurtful. I can't stand the words hate and ugly. Nobody is ugly and I don't hate anyone. I dislike people and things, but hate and ugly are such strong and hurtful words. I hope things get better for you. :)

I hope things get better to but the question is where do we start? I always hear people say you gotta love yourself but how do you do that when you really don't know how this is a really frustrating struggle

I started to love myself by noticing small things I liked about myself every day. Every time I felt bad about myself I would tell myself what I liked about myself. My open mindedness, my kindness, things like that. And then you can also do that with your physical features. I like my hair for example, and my eyes. I'm still on that journey though. It takes a long time to fill yourself up with self esteem again after everyone took it away from you.

I've had that same problem, I'm not that dark but I've still had my share of insults, I've been called ugly a lot, along with some racial slurs at times. It's hard definitely, my self esteem took a hit as a child too, so I feel that way at times too but I don't really know how to move past it either. I just tell myself that these people don't really know me, so their opinion is based on purely surface level things.

Enigmatic
I understand its something that really sticks with you all the through life. I don't have any solutions I can only pray for deliverance from something we are hurt by and cant control. I wish u the best am here to talk if u would like anytime.

I WAS BULLIED TOO BUT WAS PRETTY CUTE AS A CHILD AND A TEENAGER.
THEY WERE JEALOUS OF ME CAUSE I WAS A SUCCESSFUL STUDENT AND CLARINET PLAYER AND CHRISTIAN.
I COULDNT BULLY THEM BACK BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN RIGHT.
GBU
DRENA B
;-]

There is a trick for public speaking where they suggest that you imagine your audience naked, other than making one laugh, that advice is intended to help the nervous public speaker lighten up a bit.

Can you imagine people carrying around a large porous bag of dog poop on their back and a huge sign on their head that says "BIGOTED IDIOT". Because what they have done stinks and they are bigoted idiots.

I don't mean to make light of your feelings, but sometimes turning the tables (in your head) on the bullies can help.

Gentle hugs

There are and always will be people who criticize other people's appearance. What we must understand is that particular group of people will find something about ANYONE.

They are blind to everything except what they make of someone .. for any little reason.

The only thing we (victims?) can do is say to ourselves "yeah, .. well, that is your opinion" and give it (their opinion) zero consideration.

There is all kinds of beauty. Ya know "ugly celebrities".... like oh, Roseanne, Phyllis Diller, Whoopee Goldberg .. etc etc? I have seen these women appear on red carpets .. looking STUNNING. No one CAN'T look beautiful unless they may be a victim of fire or injurious disfigurement ... and even THEY are beautiful .. in MANY MANY ways.

PLEASE ... know that you have BEAUTY ... in your appearance, heart, smile, actions, compassion, love, and and and. You are LOADED with beauty.

Christie Brinkly (beautiful woman) CAN also look really bad ... overalls, hair undone, blah, blah ... you get my meaning. PHYSICAL beauty ... is created ... or ... disregarded.

These people would find something 'wrong' about anything.

Thank you WanderingVet those were some good words of advice.

Thanks for that tynee. It really can be hard at times, but we gotta keep in mind that those are just the opinions of ignorant people usually.

Hi, when I studied psychology, we did this activity that brought out the fact the most of us remember the negative things about us vs. the positive. It's not just you. The negative things that people have said to you sticks whereas the positive things is usually forgotten.

In other words, we have to learn to remember all the positive things that people have said to us to influence our perception of ourselves. After this exercise we did, we learned that we hold onto the negative vs. thhe positive.

But, it turns out that most likely, a lot of people or things that have happened to you are very positive and that's what you should be remembering. A long time ago I started a notebook. When anybody said something nice to me or about me - I wrote it down. It could be simple or it could be something that makes you feel really good about yourself. We have to learn to always remember the good things and trash the negative.

Whenever I am feeling the way you do, I look at that notebook and think; oh I remember now...I'm a good, kind person and it really can turn things around.

I'm also scarred from times I was called ugly or fat as a child. The odd thing is that it didn't happen often and I receive way more compliments than put downs, but yet the negative sticks with me way more than the compliments do. It's really frustrating. I wish I knew how to build my self esteem.

I was beaten up after school & had rotting fruit thrown at me on the way home from school during my intermediate school years, all of which ended when I went to the school office at the age of 14, after 9 yrs of being picked on and ostracised and isolated, and told on a couple of bullies who were picking on me.

None of my mother's 'just ignore it' type rubbish worked. Nobody lifted a single finger for me during those years. Not even when I was being punched in the actual class room.

So whereas there are a few teachers I could happily stab to death with a pencil, I did at least make it all stop. I remember at the age of 12 learning to take a weapon to school.

And I had a lot of anger and defensiveness as a consequence.

I had to let go of it. You can't fix the last thing by creating the next mess. So you have to hold yourself, and handle the bits of you that pop.

I suspect that you need to look in the mirror objectively and ask yourself "am I ugly" and if you are, then they were telling the truth - and so what?

And if you aren't, then why think about it?

Let's say that all your life you were told that 2 + 2 = 5. it felt bad, you didn't like it, you didn't see how it could be so... and one day you discover 2 + 2 = 4.

do you then go on believing that 2+ 2 =5? No. You throw that away.

you're going to have to be ruthless with yourself. Look hard at yourself, give yourself a wee shake, and say 'hang on, we figured this one out already. So don't lie!'

When we're down, we want to call ourselves worthless. Well how silly and dangerous that is. We have to learn not to do it. We have to remember to be objectively truthful even in our weakest most miserable moments. Black does not become white, white does not become black. If you were pretty when you were feeling good about life, then you are still pretty now.

Be as fair on yourself as you would be on others. :) Anything else is inconsistent.

blast i forgot to say the most important bit.

they all said I was ugly. I was told I was ugly and worthless and stupid for a LONG time. This caused me to become very eager to please. I was like that chick out of little shop of horrors. Obedient, doormatty.

I saw my share of action, guys fancied me; but I had no standards for how I should be treated. And I wasted my best years.

LOL. I actually said that. I wasted my best years trying to live for other people, to serve other people, to be what they wanted.

what I would urge you to do, is to live for yourself. Ask yourself how important your looks are if you are not trying to get a man. Are they important? Do you keep yourself clean and tidy? That is all a workplace can ask for. Clean, tidy, not smelly, not messy.

So if you want to be beautiful, that's your own free choice, in your own free time. Nobody alive has any business asking for beauty from you.

It's the icing on your cake. It should NEVER be mistaken for the cake itself. You are you. you are important. The paint job on the car you drive (ie your body) is nobody's bloody business but your own.

:) It's funny, now that I realise how good looking I was, and how I wasted that thinking I was ugly - and how skinny I was, and how I wasted that thinking I was fat -

Now I'm ACTUALLY fat and ugly and I don't actually care. I don't give two tiny hoots. Anyone who doesn't like it can go suck a fat one. Really. They can stick their personal comments where the sun don't shine. And they don't make personal comments. Because that would be absolutely out of place.

Remember, do not put any energy into what other's think or say about you, for they do not know you as you know yourself. And when someone says to another that they are ugly, they are really thinking that there is something ugly about themselves, and they try to channel that into somebody else, hoping that it will make them feel better about themselves, its the classical bully syndrom.

The real truth is, everybody is beautiful! There is no such thing as ugly, beauty can be found in everyone and everything. You know in your heart that you are a beautiful person, show the world that they are wrong about you. Start by loving yourself, embracing who you are. Then shine your radiant beauty with smiles of happiness wherever you go. People will notice the new you. Sometimes just a smile is all it takes to warm someones day.

And sometimes, radiating happiness is all it takes to make a new friend. :)