Sounds familiar. I have often said I must have doormat tattooed on my forehead or something. Plus thanks to backlash of my inlaws I am afraid to speak up for myself. I worked with someone who I HAD to stay friends with because she was too dangerous as an enemy. I have been retired (disabled) 2 years and only recently finally got rid of that toxic relationship. A book that helped me was Emotional Vampires- it's about dealing with people who's drama sucks the life out of you! I have a feeling you have some of the same personality traits I do. Willing to chat back and forth when possible if you want. For now I better "nap" as I have to be up in a couple hours to babysit!! I will check back here in the morning. Or later this morning ?

I used to be someone who never spoke up when someone hurt me or walked all over me. Even when I would try I just didn't have the nerve. People complimented me on my "sensitivity" and kindness, but it wasn't kindness it was fear, and also a firm belief that I had no right to happiness or fair treatment because I was less than nothing. As this began to change, I spoke out and even showed my anger and I alienated a number of people, including people I worked with, but I couldn't keep in stuffed any longer. Fortunately I was able to retire with a pension because I had tenure, but I made some permanent enemies at work and elsewhere. Even some supposedly long-term friends; I stopped taking their crap. In more recent months, I seem to be coming out of the other side of the tunnel, and feel a genuine warmth and desire to help people. Talk therapy, several medication adjustments, and for me, prayer, have gotten me through all this. Obviously you need to be careful at your job unless you have tenure or some other form of protection, but it sounds to me like you're mad as hell and you just can't take it anymore. Some you-know-what may have to hit the fan. Try not to go overboard, but I congratulate you for not giving a damn bdcause it signals to me you've gotten past a lot of crap that's been holding you back.

I am mad as hell at a lot of things but apart of me wants to let everyone know but another part of me feels like I have given so much to these so called friends that I don't want them to see the satisfaction of seeing mad. Do I just need to let go of the anger just like I did the pain?

I am also in this boat. Just really tired of being nice and being taken advantage of. I'm about ready to leave and go somewhere where nobody knows me.

There are nice people out there. People want to help you. There are good things in life. Try to be positive. There a lot of ways to make money. Other getting a job. On youtube, there are a lot videos coaching how to make money. Join a group. Try a church group. Keep talking to people.

People pleasing drains us and makes us resentful. I hear that in your posts. Voicing your feelings is the first step to setting healthy boundaries with others. Learning new patterns of behavior that helps develop real friendships may require seeing a counselor, joining new social support groups maybe through a church, and learning "positive" self-talk. What do you feel in your heart you need to work on and what steps would you have to take to start?