Please don't do anything to hurt yourself you have such great things your going to do in your life. Don't allow other people to stop you from your destiny of greatness.

You are so valuable and worthy of good things Sometimes it may not feel like it or your experiences don't tell you that but I tell you from my experiences I found that to be true. So please love yourself and know things wont always be like they are. Reach out to someone for support I love calling 937 224 4646 Crisis 24 hour Hotline. Blessings!

I wasn't cutting because I wanted to stay warm....and no I don't have any relatives to live with...

I can understand that you probably had a lot of feelings in reaction to his behaviour. And coped via self harm

I guess if he's paying the bills and a control freak then expect mad behaviour to enforce his rules of how the house runs. If he's logical then following the rules will stop him behaving like that. If he's just an arsehole and there is no logic and consequence to his behaviour, then your really just living with someone whose not ok to live with and you need to move out

Sorry to hear he doesn't feel rich enough and generous enough to pay for heating for you. I once had to wear all the clothes I had a duvet and blankets etc to survive a cold night without heating. Still in a better position than those on the streets? Don't let such things send you to a place where you want to die about it. Nothing went wrong that's just life happening.

Set some goals to improve your life situation and work hard for it. If all else fails become a house wife of someone prepared to keep you.

Things can improve unfortunately waiting for someone to meet your needs for care and shelter etc in unchosen relationships is probably unlikely

Go join a twelve step fellowship take part go find people who want a positive relationship with you. If your surrounded by arseholes leave! There are better companions out there

Unfortunately we cant expect for our needs to be treated well and survival necessities to be met and if they aren't just spiral into negativity. there are happy people in poor countries! Life is tough you have to fight to create a happy bubble to live within

You can do this... Start by getting support from a twelve step fellowship and finding people who will help you out. Go get a partner to live with who will keep the heating on in exchange for house keeping!

I don't know the solution, I bet you do though if given the chance to think about it. Not a good place to be self harming and suicidal...

If you want to talk more and practice coping skills just message me

Feelings can and do change. You can feel happy again. Usually making a few life changes can provide immediate relief, then the rest is about changing your innards. Make the inside of your head a nice companion

Can you make plans to move out on your own?

Hi Zen. Sorry I didn’t find my way to your page sooner, friend. I’ve been having some issues of my own of late. Anywho, as I told you before, I’m was a cutter through out my younger years. Yes of course at any point that you can physically make a change that will destress your life a little, for example move etc. than you should. But that doesn’t address the cutting at all. Life is filled with stress. You need to find a new way to deal with any kind of stress. It is not easy. You will slip up when you are trying and cut again. But you don’t give up trying. I finally stopped cutting for twenty years but when my wife died recently I cut again just once during a black out. So it’s a life long thing to maintain but it does get easier. I first started by foolishly punching walls. Well I quickly learned that the method I use to stop cutting can’t be as harmful as the cutting or what’s the point. So I put rubber bands on both my wrist and whenever I wanted to cut I would snap the band. The quick sudden pain sometimes didn’t work I would snap sometimes til my wrist were pink with little swollen welts. By eventually I stopped cutting. Yes several times I snapped my bands and cut anyway but eventually I learned how to react to my stress with out cutting. I don’t know if this will help you. I hope so. You can message me anytime, and as long as I’m well, I will message back. If I don’t, please know it’s not you it’s me just dealing with a bad day of my own you don’t deserve the pain and suffering of cutting. I hope you learn to treat yourself kinder very soon xo

I’m sorry to hear that your heater and box fan were smashed! It is awful to be cold. We have snow here and we never get snow. I had to wear two coats, a scarf and mittens to walk my dog. Seemed I was never going to get warm! Do you have a hot water bottle or a heating pad or blanket? Perhaps if you felt some warmth, it would deter you from hurting yourself. Do you have anybody you can talk to when you are feeling pressured or stressed? It helps to vent. It kind of uncorks the feelings that are trapped inside. Try and distract yourself from self-harm. I know it is difficult at times but what is it that you enjoy doing? Hobbies such as reading, writing, or sports? Praying for peace!

Again...being cold isn't what made me hurt myself...but no, I don't have anyone to talk to..

In reading your post, I got the impression that your stress and pressure started with the state of your body temperature. When we are uncomfortable anything else that comes against us can double, sometimes even triple, what we are already feeling. So...you are cold and this man comes in and destroys your only means of warmth. This starts the build up of stress and pressure. If you had something that took the place of the box fan and heater, perhaps this build-up would not occur or it would me minimal. This may deter you from wanting to self-harm. I don't know...I'm just expressing my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes, we can counteract our destructive behaviors so that we aren't overtaken by things that can harm us. We have to look ahead and learn to cope with whatever is being thrown at us. Life is overwhelming and nasty at times but we can be victorious. We just have to find the right (healthy) methods. You said that you don't have anybody to talk to. Would you be willing to speak to a counselor, a support group (in the area of self-harm) or a pastor? He certainly did not need to smash your things to pieces but you don't have to hurt yourself just because he was being disrespectful and rude! Reach out for some help! You can always post on here. I will talk to you!!

You say x wasn't the reason you self harmed as if this is very important to you...

So... I just want to suggest that you self harmed because the insides of your brain aren't friendly and kind to you and you don't know what else to do to change how bad you feel

Your going to need to persistently ban bad thoughts about yourself and practice new coping skills

Coping skills can be found in the dbt workskills book on amazon recommended treated for suicidal cutters.

You basically have to do ALL the work of re training your mind to be happier and behave in healthy ways

Of course if you can improve your circumstances that will give you less bad feelings to cope with.

But I've changed my innards despite my circumstances and don't give a crap about most things these days so I know that you too can make your own head good company

Medication therapy good friends all help

Or you can do nothing and remain suffering

I hope you choose to take action sooner

Just forget it...you guys aren't understanding...I'm just done with this community...

Well if you want us to be psychic and know what is bothering you try the psychosis section

Just write YOUR FEELINGS, reactions and thoughts about all this if you want relief and for everyone to go

There there ... Hope you feel better soon.

You wrote a description of events... How is anyone supposed to just guess what interpretation of those events you had and support you with those feelings huh?

Seriously, just go away...please...

Zendragnus, I am sorry that the connection here is missing the mark. But a bit has to do with unanswered questions. I rented my first one bedroom house at 17, because my family home ( neither mother's or father's) was not tolerable. There are many things that made it that way but none the less, I couldn't live there any more.
Why are you at your grandparents home?
You don't have to answer but there is a reason for it and it may also tie into the cutting and depression.
I was much more radical than cutting and very quiet, so no one would know my plans, because I didn't expect anyone to listen.

I am listening.

Hugs and support,
J.

I understand.