Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

I Don't Want to be Me Anymore

red47640
red47640

I don't want to be from the East Coast. I don't want to have my past. I don't want to be tied down anymore. I want to quit my job. I want to leave Denver. I want to bleach my hair and get a leather jacket and a bike and live on the road. I don't know why I am saying any of these things. I just want peace. I want to be free. My best friend convinced me not to commit suicide the other day... not sure how, but he did. Our texts went something like this:


Me: I'm going to kill myself.


Him: You can't.


Me: But I want to.


Him: Well you can't.


Me: Why not?


Him: Dying is easy. Living is harder.



The conversation progressed until finally I was calm. Today I got severely overstimulated and had to lie down in my darkened bedroom inthe fetal position with an ice pack on my head, my body wrapped in a big plushy blanket. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??? I just wish I had a different life. I want to be free.

sonnycamehome
sonnycamehome
I hear you Red. Take care of you. Rest. Breathe. Reach out when you need to. It's ok to take time for yourself.
peterthegreat
peterthegreat
LIfe is not easy. Now I do not see anyone but my family and my girlfriend. And she want me to pay her to see her. I cannot find someone for free. Well better then no one.
everyday I only read and help my parent do things. That it. Thats my life.
There are things you still enjoy in life. Think of those things. Something still excite you. You can start a business from your hobby. Look at Youtube.
Relationships: I think it is easyer to find a guy then a women. Other people are having a hard time with relationships too. Find a coach to help you.You can friend me.
Restful
Restful
I have similar thoughts all the time. I want to quit my job and move to a deserted island, or a jungle. These are escapism fantasies because our minds don’t know how to process stressors. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I can definitely sympathize.
orion777
orion777
Sounds like you need some medication. Hope that's not too blunt but I've been in a seriously bad place like you are describing and it can make a big difference, or even an inpatient stay. When I was feeling that way I stayed for like 10 days and was put on some meds that I am still on. It did work. Take care.
red47640
red47640
orion, medication won't fix how I feel about my life. Clearly, you don't get it.
Tired
Tired
Medication might help you to cope better with your life. And be able
to think of ways to change what you can in your life that you don't like.
Start with easy, small things you can change. Talk to your friend to
Get ideas on how to change things in your life that can be changed.
It may take a long time to feel a lot better with your life. But you will be
working on it.
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
I don't think medication alone will help, .. but some intense psychotherapy would.
invisablefriend
invisablefriend
You should do all of that.
red47640
red47640
How do you know I haven't tried all that already?
red47640
red47640
My therapist is on a three-week vacation. Everyone's entitled to a break, and although she gave me her email, I honestly don't want to intrude on her personal time. I've been on the same two meds for years now, so maybe it's time for a change. I have an appointment with a psych next week, and the reason it's taken so long is because pyschs with availability are few and far between, and finding one who took my employee insurance took a little while. But yes, I do have one. Just so we are absolutely clear.
Roghoris
Roghoris
I can get like that sometimes as well. The feeling that you dont want to be you anymore or tied down by your past. Wish I knew what to say to help but your not alone.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Bedtime

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: Tired
    1
    It's bedtime but I heated up some coffee to take my pills with and made a fresh pot so I can have some as soon as I wake up tomorrow a.m.  I've been on a roll for 2 days with cleaning and getting other stuff done.  I bought a new cell phone about a week ago and I've been having some issues.  I stopped at Verizon and a nice young man jumped in to help.  As a result, I was able to get an iced...
  • cedarbrooke

    Wellness Wednesday.....

    Posted by: cedarbrooke
    Last Reply: MelT2020
    6