Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I hate myself. Not my physical appearance. But just who I've become. I have depression, anxiety and OCD. I numb myself to just not feel it anymore. I'll take an extra Clonazepam, I'll drink half a bottle of Z-quil, I'll bite the half off of another sleeping pill. If I have ambien, I'll take enough not to feel anything at all. It's this cycle. This cycle of numbing myself and then hating myself for how I numb myself and then numbing myself not to hate myself for numbing myself and so on an so forth.
I used to smoke socially. Now I just smoke. My life is a Wonder Year's song. Most days my stomach and chest are heavy with how I feel. Sometimes I'm just horribly depressed and don't want to die. Sometime's I just want to die. Most of the time I'm just hating myself for being fucked up but I don't know how to go through life without numbing everything I feel.
I feel like things can get better but they can't get much worse. Part of me wants to stop numbing and taking too much, and the other part of me doesn't. But the bottom line is I hate myself every time I do it.
Part of me hates myself for smoking, but the other part of me knows if I try to quit, my anxiety soars and I'll be awake for days. Sometimes I beg God to kill me.
The only shrapnel of good that's come out of any of this is that I've been writing more and I take pleasure in writing.
I feel like a crisis on legs.
I used to smoke socially. Now I just smoke. My life is a Wonder Year's song. Most days my stomach and chest are heavy with how I feel. Sometimes I'm just horribly depressed and don't want to die. Sometime's I just want to die. Most of the time I'm just hating myself for being fucked up but I don't know how to go through life without numbing everything I feel.
I feel like things can get better but they can't get much worse. Part of me wants to stop numbing and taking too much, and the other part of me doesn't. But the bottom line is I hate myself every time I do it.
Part of me hates myself for smoking, but the other part of me knows if I try to quit, my anxiety soars and I'll be awake for days. Sometimes I beg God to kill me.
The only shrapnel of good that's come out of any of this is that I've been writing more and I take pleasure in writing.
I feel like a crisis on legs.
I know who I am. I like to work. I'm a workaholic. When work to bring in money has dried up, I like to work on my body.
Try physical exercise. I like to do it because it exhausts me. Then I have NO PROBLEM with anxiety or sleeping, because I'm so damned exhausted.