Hello all.

I am new to this site and I hope I am posting in the right place. I am in need some some advice and insight. 

I am 28, soon to be 29 and I earned my bachelor's degree in graphic design 4 years ago. I have been married for 8 years and I have quite literally no other family than my husband due to a dysfunctional and abusive family dynamic. 

When I was growing up, everyone told me that I needed to go to college at any cost, no matter what it would take and that it didn't matter what I studied - just to get a degree so I could succeed in a career and make enough money to support myself. Long story short, my father, whom I have not spoken to in 9 years now, stole every last cent of the money that my adoptive grandfather had set aside for me. When the time came to go to school, my mother and other significant older figures in my life convinced me to take out as many student loans as I needed to go to school. I managed to get some grants and scholarship when I was in school, but they didn't even scratch the surface and now I'm stuck with a worthless degree and over 40k in debt that I am struggling to pay off. 

Right after college, I actually landed a great job which granted me a decent wage and 3 whole weeks of paid vacation each year. The only problem was that it was located in a town and in a state that my husband and I desperately wanted to leave. Also, my husband was not able to find gainful employment there and so we decided to leave. I stayed at my job for a little over two years before my husband found an even better job in an even better state and city. I was ecstatic and felt like things were really coming together.

Once we moved, I was 100% sure I would find another great job, but I was sorely mistaken. After 3 months of job searching every day and night, I found a job in real estate helping with marketing. The pay was lower, less than 2/3rds of what I was making, but I enjoyed the work and the company of my co-workers. Whereas my previous job was all older males, I had people closer to my age to work with and we quickly became friends. Unfortunately, they sold the company and I was laid off after being at that company for just a month. I was devastated as I had never lost a job before and my husband and I had just closed on a house. 

It took 5 painstaking months for me to finally find another job, frantically searching day and night. I was suicidal and and wracked with anxiety and severe insomnia the whole time. I sought help from career centers, temp to hire agencies, and I even paid a resume writer to help me. When I did finaly find a job, my gut reaction was to run far away as the interviewer who offered me the job seemed a bit off. My instincts were correct and I worked for a very low wage with no paid vacation or sick days and this person was verbally abusive not only to me, but other co-workers as well. What made it even worse were the temper tantrums he would throw that would set my PTSD off from when I was abused as a kid. Even though this job made me upset and suicidal, my husband dismissed this as theatrics and refused to let me quit. I was forced to stay at this company for 8 months before I was finally blessed with a wonderful job with a supportive and caring team. 

I've been at my new company doing lower level marketing work and answering phones for just over a year now. The pay is okay, still not what I once had and it's not nearly what I need in order to thrive. The main problem with my new job now is the lack of flexibility. I get one week off at Christmas and just two vacation and two sick days through the rest of the year. I have to show up every day and quite literally all of my co-workers are welcome to come and go from the office or work from home as they please. I feel like I am getting burnt out and my job can be emotionally taxing some days as I have to work with angry and occasionally abusive customers on the daily basis. 

I am just providing this information as a bit of a background. Lately, I have been slipping back into my drinking habits on the weekends and I just feel so unhappy, stretched thin, and exhausted all of the time. I would describe myself to be someone who is just unhappy and I fear I will never be happy. My marriage no longer makes me as happy as it did. I don't feel like I'm in love anymore, even though I do love my spouse. The spark is long gone. I think I'm still angry and feel betrayed by my husband for not protecting me from the abuse I suffered by my previous employer. He never stood up for me or seemed to care about me while my life was crumbling around me and when I wanted so desperately to die. 

I feel tired and scared and stressed out 24/7 and I feel like I failed. I failed in my marriage and in my career. Yes, I achieved my goal of making it through school, but it cost me a great deal. A heap of debt that I worry about each day for a degree I can't use and even given my 10+ years of various job experiences, employers in this new city we live in seemed repelled by me whereas I was almost never turned down before moving. I have no friends and no family. I am very lonely person. I feel like all I do is work and come home to either sleep or veg. out or do housework on the days that I actually feel okay. I am tired. My hobbies have become too stressful to engage in. 

When I think about the future, I see nothing but darkness and more pain ahead of me. I don't know how to socialize, especially when I work constantly and have a house to clean that takes up what little free time I have. I don't know how I can possibly help my marriage and I don't know how to fix my career and move up in the world. I feel like my anxiety constantly holds me back. I don't know what to do and everything feels so bleak. 

If anyone read this and has any advice or helpful words to share, I would greatly appreciate it.