love allpal's advice. :) i met all the people that mean so much to me at a geeky comic/gaming store playing board games. get something that you feel good doing or spending time on and pursue it completely and you will find your tribe.

Don't worry. Good and Bad days are a part of life. I'm going through the worst time of my life right now and all of this isn't seem to coming to an end but I do have hope. After a thunderstorm comes sunshine and a dark night doesn't last forever, a new days always comes. Just be courageous and have your head up. Never get sad.

I think if your family are telling you they can't handle having you around, that you're going to break up marriages.... there's smoke there, so what is the nature of the fire?

If your family is offloading you you can't tell me they've never said what the problem is. They will have said it a ton of times. Cutting a child off is the last move, not the first.

So what did that all spring from?

Hey strong love! I'm sorry you're going through so much without emotional support. I'm glad you found this site. As far as your family goes, could it be possible that you have become a scapegoat? Meaning that they project their problems onto you so that they don't have to deal with whatever is really going on. That happens a lot in families. The fact that your grandpa said you cold cause a divorce is a red flag for this kind of dynamic. Divorces are caused by the two people in the marriage and no one else. I have a large, dysfunctional Irish Catholic family. I'm not putting down the religion at all, but we lot seem to be pretty emotionally repressed and passive aggressive. Is that true for your family?

Okay, as far as relationships go, here's what I know. When we fall for someone who is dysfunctional and they hurt us, we feel deeply invalidated. Then, subconsciously, we become attracted to the same kind of person over and over. This is because we think that if that kind of person accepts and loves us, it will heal the original wound and restore our sense of worth. However, that type of person is incapable of giving us what we need, further deepening the hurt and continuing the pattern. This is how I ended up dating nothing but cheaters for years, and even marrying one (divorced now). I didn't know they were cheaters when we met, but every single guy I dated for years cheated on me. This pattern can play out in many ways, like if you were bullied when you were young, you could be drawn to friend groups that will continue to exclude and hurt you. Is there anything that the friends/boyfriends you've had have in common? Is there something about this dynamic that reminds you of your family?
I thought for years that there was something wrong with me because I kept getting taken advantage of. The opposite side of seeking validation is that I put out signals that I was someone with low self worth who could be exploited, which attracts users and abusive people. After many years of therapy, I am married to a completely different kind of person. We have a kind of relationship that I didn't even know was possible because it was never modeled in my family.
Sorry for the long post, it's like five years of therapy distilled. I just really want to help.