Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am a real bitch sometimes, and I feel badly (usually) afterwards. I think I could be better, be more forgiving, be more considerate. Part of the problem is I keep so much shit inside me and then it explodes at the worst time. I could be better. I should be better.
I don't think you're a bitch or that you're inconsiderate at all.
I think you've just gotten to the root of something important - bottling up stuff until it explodes. This is something I've been working on in therapy for a long time and it's not easy, but it's so important to express yourself. You matter and what you're feeling or going through at any given moment is important <3
talking is always the best way to relive pressure. it can be like a balloon, just opening your mouth and letting the air out instead of waiting until its so full it pops.
I used to have episodes of uncontrollable anger. Never hurt anyone physically, but I sure wounded some souls. I also broke things that were important to me. Road rage was my preferred method of expression, since there are so many rude assholes on the road. One episode very nearly resulted in my arrest.
After talking about this rage with my psychiatrist, he put me on lithium. I'd only ever heard bad things about it, but was desperate. What a life saver! Oh, I can still summon the rage when I need it, but it no longer leaks out at inappropriate times. It's been a real life-changer when it comes to managing rage.
To those who are ignorant about what lithium is, let me give you the facts. Lithium is a NATURALLY OCCURRING biochemical that helps regulate emotion. If our body is not producing enough lithium on its own, we need to supplement it.
I think people confuse lithium with librium (a pharmaceutical) and thorazine (an extremely potent narcotic). Lithium is neither of those things.
Again, lithium is a chemical that the body produces naturally. When not produced in sufficient levels, a supplement is needed. No different that taking vitamins for anemia.
If you are uncomfortable with your self-described bitchiness, I encourage you to talk to a psychiatrist about it. S/he may have you try that supplement to see if it helps. It's not addictive, so you can stop any time if it doesn't work or you don't like it
I, too, have a history of being a nasty bitch to strangers who only mildly irked me. But I no longer suffer from explosive rage. I'm still suicidal, but at least I'm not leaving a trail of bloody victims of my finely tuned vicious tongue.
Anyway, that's my feedback on rage/bitchiness.
P.S. You mention that you "should"... As my therapist once told me, "Stop should-ing all over yourself."
Im not illustrating this to be proud of my German DNA, just I was highly aggressive. There will always be aggressive drivers. I just out of the left when I see them on the horizon...before they get too close. My brain was bleeding and on fire.
Research what happens to people when someone acts that. Make it a habit to think of compliments to every person you walk by. You don't always have to tell them the compliments just say them in your head but it trains the brain (and the heart) to look for those things in others. You may be surprised at how much this little habit helps your worldview.