I'm new here, and I need a lot of help. I've attemped suicide 3 times but at the last minute I always back down. I've thought of getting pills but my parents only have vitamins and they don't really keep a lot of american med around...Our family struggles a lot with fiancial difficulties and so I'm not really open to a lot of resources. I struggle with a lot of things, and low self esteem is one of them. I am from an asian houshold and are the only family that lives in the US. I feel like I'm not skinny enough, not smart enough, and not talented enough to be called asian. I feel like the friends and relatives back in asia would definitely laugh at me, especially since I moved to the US, which was seen as an opportunity to improve myself, but I only became worse. Sometimes my parents make fun of my weight as a joke and I just laugh it off. They don't really pressure me to be smart, but the pressure I put on myself is much more severe. I tried to cut my self but the knife I had was too dull and I didn't really bleed. Because of that, I felt like I was too scared to do anything severe and that I'm tricking myself that I actually have depression, and that I don't understand what it really feels like to be depessed. Once me and my friend was joking about how I hate life, and words like "Well why don't you go die?" slipped out of her mouth. I was kind of shocked. That phrase stuck with me until now, now I kept asking myself, why don't I go die?