Can you admit yourself to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation, and just be honest with them about what's going on? It sounds as if you are headed down a dangerous path.
I don't have experience with this (cutting, self harm), but it sounds really scary. I know how terrible depression is, though, as I am experiencing something similar. Sorry you are feeling so awful.

I don't wanna go to hospital and see the doc keep looking me as if i am a problem. I guess this is my life. I need to accept it.

I have had many yrs of crisis and having to look for counselors . Is there anyway a friend (or yourself) can try to,look for a community based worker who deals with mental health issues? Totally get the thing about Dr.s and psychiatrists. Many cities have loads of small agencies that have compassionate workers who are amazing. Finding and calling is very hard, but pls consider starting the process. Keep a notebook, some places will ask you to,call others. Hang in there, this is for your own survival.
When asked, tell them you need "personal emotional support for depression". You are not alone, keep in touch with DS

I don't know if have gone for help but if not than you schooled you scnhouldent have to fight this with no touls it is to hard a battle .....you need to see a counclour or a phicaatrist ...I see a phicatrist ....and meds would help you especualy hith the anxious and irritated feelings you get ......there are some things we can't fight with out help ......I have had depression all my life at one level or a nother.....this is the third time I had to go on meds .......the longer you leave it un treated the worse it will get .......to get help you need to make sure you tell the doctor exactly how bad it is inside of you ...or they can't help .......it is hard to go through a break up no drought about it I went through one my first marriage. but then I met someone else I love even more and we have been together ever since .......my daughter went through a break up her husband ell there ......and her x has been terrible to her not paying support ....ect leaving hatful e mails...it took her 2and a half years to start getting on her feet and then she meat someone and at first she didn't think he was her type but he relay liked her so they dated and each time I saw her you could see her getting happier and happier and they are in lovers and he treated her 100 Times better than her husband ever did .....I like him .......get help so you can put that blade down once and for all and live ...........I will keep you in my prayers ........I send you hugs for your broken heart ..........god bless