*BEAR HUG* There is so much I wish I could do for you, the only thing I can do is be here for you and talk to you. If you want to message me I'll be here but please please please don't give up. I may not have had as many terrible of experiences as you but mine have been similar. Please don't give up!

I'm not sick of your posts; it's good that you're still here to talk. I totally understand why you don't want to go on with life. I was born to a woman that I called "the woman that gave birth to me" because she was never worthy to be called mom! She was an alcoholic too. I was raped at 14 and tried to kill myself after telling "the woman that gave birth to me" and her saying I deserved it. I was in 4 different foster homes, later to find out I was pregnant but had a miscarriage. I was a single mom in a "relationship" that was very abusive and the SOB gave me an STD! I married a man for all the wrong reasons who later became a drug dealer and last August I became a single mom again because some POS shot and killed my husband right across the street from our place. So I totally understand where you're coming from, but if I can get through my hellish life so can you! Sending big hugs

oh my god..

no one is sick and tired of your posts, everyone is just worried for you. you've been through hell, both as a child and very recently, and feeling the way you do isn't an unexpected reaction to all of that.

you say you're only 20, you have so much life left, a chance to find people who DESERVE to be your friends and family instead of what you had in the past. i mean, if nothing else, try to think of living and one day having a good life as the ultimate 'fuck you' to all of the people who hurt you and don't deserve goodness.

but you DO deserve to live, you DO deserve a decent life and people in it who would never hurt you.

i know every time i comment to you, i bring up the suicide prevention hotline, 1-800-273-8255, and i'm going to do it again, they will talk with you any time of the day or night if you need it.

we all just want you to be ok.

I feel for you... all I can say is that, as bad as it is, there must be something you're holding onto here, there must be some reason you have survived this long. I can't honestly say I've experienced all the things you've mentioned, but I have experienced severe depression, abuse of different kinds, nightmares... and all I can say is that as bad as I wanted to kill myself, I didn't because a) once it's done, it can't be undone, and b) something kept me here. Turned out it was my boyfriend at the time, he was one of the few people in my life who truly cared about me and understood me. I know that killing myself would destroy him, and I didn't want to do that to him. Sorry for blabbing, I guess the point I'm making is that there must be something keeping you here, and focus on that. Hope this helps *hugs*

Don't do it. Stay. I'm sure things will get better in time. Hang in there!

I can't wait for things to get better with time.

No one could be sick of your posts, I can't even imagine what you've been through, but just so you know, you're young, and someday you'll find the perfect guy. Please don't kill your self, then you'll miss out on everything the world can offer you. You are BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, AND WORTH HAVING A LIFE! You were put on this world for a reason. So be strong for yourself and others, cause maybe you just don't realize how many people actually DO care about you. I know This won't do much but, sending virtual hug. . .

We're just glad you're still here. No one is sick and tired of hearing that you are still here. There's a saying that living well is the best revenge. Many abuse survivors live by this. The pain and suicidal thoughts you are having are looking for healing. You need to see a therapist who specializes in abuse who can help you work through all of this. This is going to take some work on your part. But it's worth it and you are worth it. I can't count how many posts I have read here by people like yourself who almost killed themselves and are now glad they didnt'. They got better and so can you. Keep posting. Tell us whatever you want to tell us. Many of us here have been similar things that you have been through and have gotten to the other side. You can too.