1/14/17  5:50pm Is the date and the time my ol man died.  I wish he was still here so bad.  My ol man was a trucker, motorcycle enthusist, mechanic, machinest, carpenter, roofer, fast draw, master angler, a hunter, he always helped out his neighboors, his friends, and his family. 

He was never a religious guy, agnostic is what i believe the correct term is. Me i always considered my self an atheist, you know when your dead their is nothing its just over the hole thing called life was just gone for you and its nothing.  A good friend of mine would agree to that only because there is no evidence to prove otherwise. Now i probably should agree, but dang it now that i have expeirenced this loss I'm leaning in my ol man's way of thinking.

I quit my job must be six weeks ago now it's hard to keep track. I dident burn the bridge, but i told them to move on and find someone else. Fairly certain they have, but I felt that i had become a liabilty.  Could it have been because of my father's decline, maybe. It could also have been because of my short mindedness of safety proccedure... maybe.

I did sock some money the two years i worked, but not much. I need to find some work i know. It still hurts when i wake up in the morning and i don't see him in his chair. Yeah i lived with my ol man after high school, so what.  I wanted to get out after high school get a job make my way maybe fail once or twice. wined up back at home untill back on my feet and dig my way out again.  Now i don't have that option.  My ol man was all i had left.

This evening is also tough.  I'm here alone and im stuck in my head. I think thats all i can post for now. any advice? i may be having a crisis you tell me.