Whens the last time you had a day just for you? You may even want to take a few days where its just you and maybe a friend having a lazy day. You sound like me a little when I've been on auto pilot too long with my depression trying to control me. But once a day off from work and school comes around I lay around in my jammies, eat minimal junk food and dont let the world into my room as I curl up with movies, music or whatever I want to do.
I know all of this pain is really heavy to carry everyday and I wish I could help you shoulder it, the fact that you write poems is a great start and no one expects you to be able to open up right away to people. You take your time with you and take a day to love yourself.

I understand how u feel. Have u ever felt differently? better or worse? if so then u know that emotions do change, sometimes we must change our thoughts for this to occur, but it is possible. It is possible to find the key and unlock yourself. By your writing I would guess u are a creative person, no? if so- create- paint, write, whatever- do something that brings u alive. If the world does not suit u, then change your world- I know its hard, its an uphill battle every day, and some days I summit, while other days I go falling face first into the ice, but we must get up. We can rest, but we can never stop- those of us that weren't meant for this world are here to change it. That means you. Sending u love and light on the road ahead, your not alone in the darkness, I am here too.

Taking a day for myself has always been hard because I feel like I always have to be taking care of other people. Been through this long enough to know that my emotions do change and there is light. Living and turned into surviving lately.

Sorry for your suffering with depression. Your statement of not trusting yourself is critical. Try finding a good therapist that helps you vent all the feelings and negative thoughts tied to them so you can learn to think and feel better about yourself. That opens the door to relate better to other people. Wishing you the best. Find someway to express love for yourself and someone or even a pet to express love for.

I'm sorry to see the struggles you are going through. Just know that you are not alone in what you are battling. I completely understand how you feel. I am dealing with some challenges in my life right now and sometimes the depression just gets to be too much. I have to get through the day and I'm on the edge of breaking down most of the time. Everything hurts and it feels like there's no point to anything and no hope that things will get better. I don't know if this will help or not, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

That does help Chihuahuanest. I do have a therapist and I really like getting to see her, however lately I do not feel like it is helping. And I have been to so many I do not really want to say something. Today was ok, I stayed at school an extra two hours so I didn't not have to go home.

Why did you not want to go home? Can you answer it here or if you would rather, add me as a friend then answer it there to talk privately. I'm just concerned about you.