Know that there is plenty of support here on this board for you! I hope this new year brings lots of new opportunities for you in this time of change. Hugs

I just joined today, and i know how you feel, i have been chronically sick and it has caused me to lose my job, my husband, and most of my friends, and my home, I feel so lonely and I spend most of mu life in bed because of my health, it is hard to find purpose. I do not know why some of us suffer so an others lifes seem to work out well. I know we are all good people, I always try to find the positive that comes out of my struggles and sometimes it takes a while to show up, , but it is hard when in the struggle because I feel i am again in it. so we can hang in here together.

As blossom39 stated I don't know why some of us suffer so. I have lost alot behind this depression. Makes me even more upset when I look at how many years have passed by and in how few I really participated. I have found tremendous support on this site. I finally had to get with some people who get it and don't mind talking nearly EVERYDAY about it. Can't do that with just everybody. Most want us to hurry up and get better. Here you'll find support when you feel you can't draw another breath and celebration when do. I hope that you connect with ppl here. Share your story, if you're willing. We'll lift you up as much as possible.

I know exactly how you feel. I am just coming out of this after my thirdyear or so. Its not very encouraging to hear, but you too can make iit. I am divorced now for five years, it was so emotional, but with help here, several changes in my medications, therapy, and time I can tell you that it will be OK. I know your hurt, and loss. Dont let the two of them get to you, you are probably better off now without them. You are a strong individual, remind yourself how beautiful you really are. I send you hugs and love for your heart to heal. It will happen just grieve and let it out. Hugs

Wow it's so nice to see the friendly comments here. I don't know about this online support, but I sure would like to give it a try. I am unable to find real people to talk to in my area, aside from a therapist and to be honest talking to a therapist has never really helped me. I think if I had the support form family or friends I could have made it through this much easier. I just didn't and don't have that. My husband left me for my friend almost three years ago now. Yes, three years. I know it seems like a long time, but I just cannot get over the hurt. Let me elaborate a little on how it all went down, and maybe you will understand why I am so down in the dumps? Three years ago, my husband started sleeping with my friend. He left me for her, and she left her husband....I was stay at home mom for our 5 children (his and mine - none together)...he emptied our bank account, and literally put me and my kids out in the street. It was a long hard devastating struggle. I could not really deal with the anxiety and depression because I was busy finding a place to live and a job to take care of my children. My closest family is 150 miles away...I moved here to be with my (ex) husband. During this massive life change, none of my family was there for me. Not a one. I got a lot of "I would help you if you loved closer to me" and "oh whaat's done is done, get over it, move on" etc etc.....needless to say, I was penniless, homeless, jobless, and friendless (the only friend I had in this area is the one who was screwing my husband), and family-less. Yeah, I managed to find an apartment, and a job....(low income housing, low-paying job - try getting out in the work force in this economy after being a stay-at-home mom for 5 years!) So my kids and I have the basics anyway. Fine, yeah, I made it, I get it, but my family should have been there for me. There is so much more to this story but there just isn't the time to write it all here. Anyway, April of this year (2013) I stopped all communication with my sister. I got extremely tired of her BS, always having an excuse not to call, not to visit, not to want us to visit, and the last straw was Easter, we had plans to get together, and one day before our planned gathering, I get a "I need to cancel" text message. My kids have not seen my sister or their cousins in 2 years at this point, and were devastated to say the least, and I had enough. This was the 3rd holiday she canceled on us. October of this year, my sister began frantically trying to get hold of me on FB. I kept ignoring her. Finally she sent me a long message telling me how she needed me because she and her husband were on the verge of divorce. My first instinct was "Karma's a B****!!" but because I am the sap of the family and they all know it, I chose to be the bigger person and be there for her. We began talking everyday, and I spilled my guts when she asked me why I quit talking to her. I told her, not being there for me during my divorce, never even picking up the phone to call or even ask if I was ok, never making any effort to see us, etc....all built up and I was sick of it. She cried and told me how she knows she hurts people all the time (not just me) and she wants to change and blah blah blah. So, during Thanksgiving we could not get together, so at that time we made plans for Christmas. I was to go to her house. (she lives 2 hours away). I took time off work....and a week ago she called me and told me it would be better if I came the weekend after Christmas (this weekend) instead of Christmas Eve and Day like originally planned. OK, fine. So I again talked to me boss, re-arranged my work schedule, got off work at 3 today to head out there afterwards. At 3:10 I get out of work finally, and check my phone on the way out the door, only to fond a text message from her sent at 2:30 (half an hour before I was due to get off and head her way!) saying "I have to cancel our plans". That's it. No explanation, no excuses, no sorry, no NOTHING. I asked why, and got no response. I am filled with so much rage. I feel like she got what she wanted (I was there when she NEEDED me, once again) and that was it. Done. Again. I should say I have not spoken to my mother since February of this year for the same exact reason. I HATE THEM and I HATE MY LIFE. My doctor just put me on a whirlwind of meds again trying to get my depression under control, and quite frankly I feel like I am high all the time, but how the heck am I supposed to get through this depression when it is nothing but one let down after another with them. I have no friends, no family, and needless to say I DO NOT TRUST ANYONE, how the heck could I when a friend of 25 years could turn on me and my own family could just ditch me....

Oh honey, I think that you have come to the right place. My 'friend' didn't sleep with my ex but she surely betrayed me. My family has acted at times that I don't exist, even though I held them up in their time of need. However you put it, we have surely been let down, and a 'get over it' will just not do.

Now having said all of that, who is on meds, and miserable and foot stomping mad? You and me. They may be somewhere laughing it up, moving forward and here we are stuck.

This is going to sound crazy. You and me both have to forgive them. We have to take the angry emotions and feelings that bubble up captive. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness just says, 'I will not seek to hurt you or harm you with my words or my thoughts anymore'. Forgive yourself as well. Yes indeed they may have used your love and/or friendship, but do not allow it to continue to fester. Instead when they pop up, try and think of what you can do for YOURSELF to make the journey better. Don't try and understand the situation anymore, there's no way possible you'll ever find a positive reason for why they have treated you so poorly. I have held onto stuff for 10+ yrs. and here I am no better for carrying the anger than I was last year or the year before that. You may not be ready to set yourself free by forgiving them right now, but that's what a support system is for. You can talk, vent rage whatever, that's a good thing to get those feelings out of your head. We will be here to support you!

Hi,
I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I do not have the same situation as you, but I understand sadness so huge you can't move. I actually spent an hour just sitting on the kitchen floor yesterday. My family's lack of caring for me or my feelings just gets me so down. I don't really have any friends. I seem to drive people away all the time. I hope things get better for you.

It's so hard. I just want closure, and I know I will never get it. I don't know how else to make the hurt go away. I know I am supposed to forgive....but man that is SO HARD. It sounds like such a wonderful thing, to set yourself free like that, but why does it seem so impossible? It will NEVER be OK what they did!

I seem to drive people away too. Another reason this is so hard. I know it is because I come across as an angry, bitter person, but I AM an angry bitter person, how the heck do you fix that.

Yep jaime it's hard as heck. I can be fine one minute and something will trigger a memory and just like that all the hurt comes rushing back. It's paralyzing. When you're not weeping, you're mad and vice versa. I just take it day by day. Trying to take each thought captive. Doesn't always result in lessening of anger, but I acknowledge that it's there and TRY to imagine how I would feel if my transgressions were held against me. That doesn't make them right jaime, they were very out of line. But my thing is this, we are ruining our chance at happiness, peace, joy and a LIFE. As I type this to you, I'm thinking of how my 'best friend' betrayed me, beliitled me, talked about me to anyone that would listen. Yep, told all my personal business girl. I have been mad about this for years, because I totally supported her in all her endeavors. Soooooo I go on facebook, after not having spoken to her or seen her in a few years. There SHE is with a brand new baby, a husband, house, car, the works. My point is that we do ourselves an injustice by stopping our lives to take time out to boil about them. This chic kept it moving. And here I am.

Don't expect it to be easy, it won't be because they truly hurt you. But the only closure that you may ever receive is that your ex was shady, your 'friend' was not your friend at all, and your family is well, I'll let you name that one. Forgive yourself for the three years that you put into it and look forward. She stole your man girl, don't let her or anyone else steal the rest of your life. Depression is a cunning thief, it will steal your life right out from under you. Look at me. I let depression take just about everything I had. Now I'm home basically alone, and growing older each day.

Lapsmom, that is such a good point. She stole my man, and she is stealing my life. WOW. Never looked at it that way before. Not that this is going to be some miracle cure or anything, LOL but I am certainly going to keep telling myself that. I secretly will probably always wish I knew WHY she was able to steal him though....grr. I too am getting older. I used to always want more kids, but, that's not going to happen now. I am approaching 40 pretty quickly....and I haven't even bothered to even TRY to meet someone. I just am so scared.

Jaime, the 'best friend' that I talked about in the post just had a baby at 41. As mad as I am at her, I give her credit for never giving up. She just got married too. Met him on match.com. This girl didn't let anything stop her. She too thought that she would never get married and have a baby.

I used to try and figure out why my child's father left me and married someone else. Used to blame it on my looks, my uh....maybe lacking skills in the boudoir, my personality etc. He's been married twice and broken up since then. So if you're thinking that it's about you, you're wrong. Unfortunately, with a cheater it's about the CHASE and the new thing, ya know. But here's something for you.....Your friend took your place and guess what? Her spot just became available.

BOOM.

I hate to say it but I really want that to happen. I want him to leave her ass. But I don't think he ever will. His mother chose her. His mother told him to leave every woman he has ever been with, including me. He married her now, and this is marriage number 4 for him, but it is the only one his MOTHER CHOSE FOR HIM. I don't think he would ever actually be allowed to leave.

Believe me...you are never alone on this site and everyone here understands! Only people with depression can understand others with depression. That should be a prerequisite for every "therapist" out there! Please have a good night knowing you're not alone :)

I didn't work today, but I went to work to pick up my boots that I left. A girl I work with also suffers form depression, and we were in the back discussing some things while I was there. Another girl there was telling us we needed to just "snap out of it" lol she is a crazy funny girl and I love her to death, but it is just funny you would say that, because I told her that exact same thing today. I said "I know it's hard for you to understand because you have never dealt with depression, but we understand each other". She just chuckled and said she would leave us to our misery, but in a strange way I knew she understood. LOL It is so true though. Those with depression or who have had depression, are the only ones who get it when someone else is depressed. Thank You.