I'm going through some depression right now. BUT.... I'm not usually a depressive person. So if you don't want to read on. DON'T!!! I may not say what you want to hear.....

I'm a man and I don't think cheating has anything to do with depression.
Boredom, age, low self esteem. Feelings if being unloved, unwanted.... Or.... Just a hound dog.
Men don't always need a reason, but when caught. They sure have a lot.
By the way, I'm Not a cheater. I'm a loyal friend and lover.
But I've known some dogs too.
My guess, he wanted to feel wanted... A young girl.... He wanted to see if he could still turn someone's head.
He's a jerk for meeting her, that's for sure. But they talked.... Nothing more. No real betrayal there. What are you going to do? Punish him?
Did you let him know your angry? Hurt? Good.... He should know. Your his wife...... But your not his mother, or his boss.
I went through hell as a kid. I learned early on, I don't yell and I don't punish. I clam up at times and have to go into my minds, "Man cave". Then.... I'll talk it out.
I'll guess he's handicapped some how? You do everything... so to speak? I bet you need a break too.
Make sure he knows your hurt. But.... don't blow it out if proportion.
Good luck!

Clinical depression is not known to encourage philandering. l pretty much agree with Seamus.

Umm..yeah.

So you say he was just talking to her and meeting up that's not cheating its more like making a friend. Could it turn into something physical, who knows. Unless there's a physical relationship or they're professing their love for one another, I don't get the "cheating" part.

It does sound like the dynamic of your marriage has shifted from a "partnership" to more of a "caregiver" role for you and if your not happy with that, and not many women would be, its past time to do something about it. Marriage counseling, letting your husband know its time to get off the couch and work to get his depression stable and get back in the marriage, or go see a divorce attorney. If he has energy to go meet his friend, then he has energy to work on your marriage.

It's not about punishment, that's kind of a ridiculous thing to even say. Your not his parent, your his spouse and you deserve to be treated with more respect than he currently is treating you. You don't mention any physical illness, and while depression is hard to deal with, it can be dealt with and life can be lived. I"m a 28 year suicidally depressed BiPolar and I was married for 25 years, and had to support my family and raise my 2 sons, my youngest just started college, I still financially support my sons, even though I've been divorced and happy for 6 1/2 years now. I still have to work to support me and I still deal with severe Depression, but I don't have the luxury of laying on the couch being a blob all day waiting for someone else to do everything for me.

I honestly don't see that he's cheated on you, I see that he's made a friend who has things in common with him. But it does seriously seem that your marriage has shifted to a whole different type of union, and if I were you I would not be interested in being what you are now regulated to....life is to damn short.

Take care,
Kat

Thanks for sharing your comments. It’s helpful. I didn’t blow it out of proportion and yes, he knows I am hurt. But I needed to hear that I don’t need to make it bigger than what it is. He is handicapped by his depression. He manages to pick up our daughter everyday, and that is pretty much it. I guess I should be glad that he at least does that. Depression is a horrible thing.

Kat is spot on, .. IMO.