So...I have this pattern of getting involved with abusive men. I was extremely hurt by this last one, and still have not recovered 3 years later. I am seeing a Therapist and have been experimenting with all sorts of anti-depressants. I am learning things about myself! Ok, a little history may help. Three years ago my husband had an affair with my best friend of 25 years, and then a few months later, he had an affair with the only other friend I had in this area (I moved here to be with him) and then left me for her. At the drop of a hat. Anyway, so I was here with no job, no money, no family, and no friends. He emptied out joint bank account and turned off my cell phone. My two children and I were essentially homeless and stuck. My mother was of no help, nor did she seem to really care about the pain I was feeling. I heard a lot of "Oh, I never liked him anyway" and "just get over it already, he's gone" and she even went so far as to say "I thought he was ugly anyway" (really??? who cares!!!) ugh. I needed help...and she would not help me. I needed money to get into an apartment. She told me that since I loved so far away form her, she didn't see the point in helping me, and said she would help me all I wanted if I moved closer to her. Well, that was out of the question. For one, her and I have NEVER had a good relationship, my whole life. Two, what kind of mother says there is no point in helping her daughter if she lives far away? I'm sorry, but I think that is seriously messed up. I ended up pounding the pavement for months to find a job (not so easy to do when you were stay at home mom for 5 years) and found a low-income apartment, and complete strangers helped me to move into it. One of them even said to me "I don't mean to be rude, but where is your family in your time of need?" I just shrugged my shoulders. What could I really say? My sister was no better. She would not answer my calls, she would respond in anger to my sadness when she did, never called me to ask if I was ok, refused to come see me, or help me in any way....Anyway, my mom has been emotionally abusive to me my entire life. I honestly believe her to be a Narcissist. My sister grew up to be just like my mother. My sister was the "Golden Child" growing up. She could do no wrong. I was the "Scapegoat". I could do no right.

So...My sister and I obviously grew apart over the years, and she does not see what I see in our mother. Why would she though, our mother doesn't treat her like she treats me. Now, in February of 2013, I went no contact with my mother after she started posting rude comments on my Facebook page. I am just so tired of her crap. My whole life, she has told me how I think wrong, I act wrong, I feel wrong, I don't make sense, I am sick, I need help, and she even has gone as far as to tell other people I know that she believes me to be bi-polar, BPD, or she will just say plain old "mentally ill".

In April of 2013, I also cut contact with my sister, as she is just so much like my mother, and she just kept getting worse and worse, and what set me off, is that for Easter of 2013, her and I were supposed to get together, and she cancelled at the last minute with no explanation other than "She didn't want to". (We live 2 hours from each other). So my kids were hurt, and so was I. It would have been one thing if it was a one time deal, but she did the same thing on Christmas 2012, and Thanksgiving 2012, as well as Christmas 2011. I had enough. I stopped contact with her all together.

Late October 2013, she was trying to get a hold of me very desperately. I finally gave in because she told me she had kicked her husband out and put a restraining order on him and was going to be getting a divorce and she was all alone and etc. My first thought was "Karma!!" But I couldn't just let her suffer alone. She cried and apologized telling me she knows how I felt now when no one was there for me during my divorce and was so disgusted with herself for leaving me to deal with it all alone like that, etc and told me she is selfish and always has been and desperately wants to change. (She HAS always been selfish - I was glad she recognized that). We made plans to get together for Christmas 2013. I rearranged my work schedule, etc. We hadn't seen each other for Christmas in 3 years. I was excited, my kids were excited. Then she called me one day and told me she thought it would be better if I came the weekend after Christmas instead of Christmas Day. I said OK, and talked to my boss again to rearrange my schedule again. I was to leave for her house at 3pm that Friday. I got a text message form her at 2:30pm that Friday saying "I need to cancel our plans." That was it. No call, no explanation, nothing. I was so stunned, I could not even talk, let alone text back. I got home, and I was bawling. My oldest son knew right away...he said "She did it again, didn't she..." I said yes and he said "I kind of saw that coming, but I didn't think she would do it, it's Christmas."

I got a text message a few hours later saying "I just woke up, and I don't feel right and I am broke and it would just be a boring stupid weekend here anyway". I went from hurt to angry. What a poor bunch of excuses, and she knew she had to try to say something after promising me she would never do that to us again.

I couldn't reply. I was not ready to talk to her.

I restricted her form being able to post on my FB page at that time, because she has a sharp tongue and doesn't mind humiliating people on FB, and I didn't want it on my page, I hate that. Well, she obviously tried, because a friend of mine on FB told me that I should look at my sister's page....I did. I shouldn't have, but I did.

Here was my mother, my sister, my sister's husband, and none other than the old friend of 25 years who had the affair with my (ex) husband, all bashing me together on my sister's Facebook page!!!

I was livid now. Not wanting to continue the crap publicly, I sent her a message. I told her how much she hurt me when she cancelled Christmas plans again after all we talked about and after we didn't talk for over 6 months because of the same thing, then I told her I was even more hurt to see what she was doing to me on public domain. Especially that she was doing it with someone who had hurt me so badly...I said "It hurts me enough to know you are still friends with her after what she out me through, but now to see you join her in doing the exact same thing you said was disgusting 3 years ago??" (My (ex) friend and (ex) husband publicly bashed me all over facebook when they had their affair....I didn't even see it, I was told by others, because I didn't even have FB at the time - but my sister was one of them, and she proclaimed at that time that it should have been a private matter and it was disgusting what they did, etc) so I said I guess those rules apply to everyone but you, and I also told her she is a mean, hateful person and that I cannot take it anymore. (My Therapist had actually warned me not to talk to her when she was trying to get hold of me....said I was not ready for a set-back; unfortunately, I ignored her)

So....of course she sent me an email back calling me names telling me I don't know what I am talking about etc, and then blamed me for all of it. As usual.

I did not email her back again. There is no point with this kind of person. So, the next day, I get another message on FB. Thinking it was form her again, I went to move it to my 'other' folder, but noticed it was from my mother. Remember, her and I have not had ANY contact since February of 2013. I regretfully opened and read it. This woman tore me to pieces calling me "mentally ill", "unstable", "out of control"...ETC. She accused ME of being a Narcissist and told me she doesn't know what she did to deserve all the hurt I am doing to her, because she 'loved' me. Yes, she used it in the past tense! She said "you are getting worse each and every day" and she also told me I am clouded by my 'disillusions'. Then she finished it up by telling me she hopes God has mercy on my and blah blah blah because I do not know that I am ill and all this GARBAGE.

I sent her an email back, telling her the things I have wanted to tell her practically all of my life. I told her she has no idea what a Narcissist is if she thinks I am one, and she should look it up. Told her that she has always blamed and criticized me all my life, told her she has no right to judge me nor does she have a degree for which to diagnose me as mentally ill. I told her if she truly loved and cared about me like she claimed, she would want to talk to me, would want to know how I feel and why I feel the way I do. Not tell me I am 'ill' because I expressed those feelings, much less publicly humiliate me on the internet. I told her if she cannot accept me for who I am and accept that I have feelings, then SHE is the one who has the problem, not me. Another one of the things she said was "What happened to the Jaime we all used to know and love?" I said "The Jaime you all know and love is the Jaime who eats here feelings, bites her lip, and never argues with any of the negative things you tell her she is, but now that I am expressing my feelings, none of you like me, isn't that funny?"

So, of course I called my Therapist immediately afterwards, and told her I needed to see her, like YESTERDAY, LOL and I got in to see her the next day. I actually printed off the emails for her, so she could see them for herself, after I explained what happened on Christmas. She assured me that I reacted COMPLETELY normal to the way they treated me, and that she sees NO SIGN of any of these alleged "mental illnesses" in me. I asked her to repeat that a couple times, LOL. As you can probably imagine, when your mother has told you your whole life that you are mentally ill every time you disagree with her, it's hard to understand that you are ok, that it's ok to have feelings, and that you are actually NOT mentally ill, but in fact, SHE is.

I have struggled my whole life in trying to figure out who I am. I do not know how to trust myself let alone anyone else, I do not trust my instincts, and I do not even trust my feelings. For a VERY long time, I didn't know why...I really thought she was right, and that I am mentally ill, or something is just wrong with me. I have seen SEVERAL therapists in my lifetime, and not a single one has ever even hinted at me having some form of a mental illness (Other than depression, of course) so how on earth does she think she has the right to proclaim that I do? If that's not bad enough, she doesn't just say it to me, she says it to everyone she talks to, and even puts it on FB.

I am now finally starting to believe what my therapist is telling me...because what kind of mother would do this? Even if I DID have some form of an illness, shouldn't a mother be supportive and loving anyway? Shouldn't a mother be there to help her daughter, and listen to her feelings, and reassure her when she needs it? For crying out loud, shouldn't a mother be there when her daughter falls on her face because her husband leaves her high and dry?

By the way, my sister ended up not leaving her husband, and do you know what my mom did for her when she was contemplating leaving him? She sent her money to help pay her bills, send her a giant arrangement of flowers just to say "I love you" while she was thinking about leaving her husband - which they proudly displayed all over FB. Yet, when my husband had an affair and threw me and my kids out with no money,, no nothing... I got "Oh just get over it" and "would help you if you lived closer to me". Um..my sister lives 200 miles FURTHER from our mother than I do, and her husband didn't even leave her, SHE was thinking about leaving HIM, and it didn't happen anyway! Does anyone else see anything wrong with this?

Anyway, this tells you nothing of the horrid punishments I received as a child and all the cruel things I was told as a child.....but the thing that matters most at this moment is that it hasn't changed. She conditioned me to believe that love is conditional and involves bad treatment, and conditioned me to believe I don't deserve any better and that I am worthless.

She believes she is perfect, and the rest of the family sees me as 'bad' just as she has always told them. She is a master manipulator. So I ask you, who do you think is the Narcissist? Ugh.