Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello Everyone.
This is my first post under this group because I had never felt this way.
I used to feel suicidal but this time the feeling is overwhelming.
I really don't know what to do but I have to take this out of me.
Two years back I had come to this new city for a job.
Before that I had spent 3 months in a pathetic job where I had no one.
I used to feel so alone,all the college friends disconnected from me and at the new job I used to sit in a corner everyday torturing myself.People used to ask each other during breaks for tea but used to ignore as if I don't even exist.The reason for their behaviour I still did'nt understand.It was really bad for my self confidence and I gave in to all sort of low self esteem and anxiety issues.
Finally I left that job and came to this new city 2 years back.
Initially things were really tough for me and I was all alone nobody to talk to.I was stuck with such room mates who did'nt even asked me for a glass of water when I was suffering from illness.
I came out of that flat and then finally started getting my life on track and things were getting better.I thought that the worst part is over and now things to go better.But I did'nt had a clue what was coming in my life.
4 months into the new job a girl came into our team like so many other new joinees.I never had thought that this girl would one day destroy my life.
Initially we did'nt used to talk much and it was completly professional but one day due to some reason she called me and talked for 2 min.
After that we started talking on regular basis.She was struggling with the managers and I used to console her and help her in work without any wrong motives.
She used to be very caring and I was happy to have friend like her.
We started talking daily on phone for hours and started going out for dinners and movies.She had told me that she has a bf but that person had cheated on her for a year.
Days passed and we grew closer everyday and started doing everything together.Eventually we fell for each other but when she told this to her bf he got mad and did'nt leave her.
After few days I got physically intimate with her while she was still talking to her bf.I used to tell her why do you pick that person's phone so she used to tell me that he would create a scene infront of my parents I trusted her.She used to talk to him daily.One day that person came to this city and she met with him not telling me.
Somehow I got to know and I was devastated and when I questioned her she started shouting at me that she did'nt had any option and she does'nt wants to be with me.
That night was so terrible for me when I knew that person is in the city and she would be meeting him after office and God knows what might happen.
Still I was able to recollect myself and thought she would not do that again.
15 times she had told me that she does'nt wants to be with me but then again we got together.
Both of us left the company and got back together.She used to treat me like shit and everytime we had a fight she used to tell me that she does'nt wants to be with me.
But I took it because I loved her from my heart and was not able to take her out of me.
I broke my hand 4 times,I bled and cried for her but she was unaffected.Not a single tear in her eyes to see me in that condition and she used to tell me that she loves me.
Since past few days she had been completly avoiding like I was some kind of a fluke.When I asked her the reason for that she told me that she needs some alone time when I should not call her,message her or anything.
Though it was really tough for me but I agreed to it but now and then used to msg her just to check whether she is fine.
I was getting this gut feeling that something is going on which I am unaware of.
Last night I got late in office and went to a restaurant to get something.
There I saw her with her ex bf sitting and having food.
I was devastated completly.Here I was feeling guilt for being the reason to disturb her and there was lying to me and ditching me.
I could'nt control myself and a big scene was created there on the road.
Still she was not at all ashamed of her and instead blamed me that I am selfish.
There I was dying and she was asking her ex bf to drop her to home.
It was 1 o'clock in the night and it was raining and she infront of my eyes sat behind him and left.
She left me alone on the road in the rain and went with that person..
The whole night cud'nt sleep...
I feel like giving up and ending my life but can't do that because my family won't be able to take it..
She did'nt even dropped me a msg just for the sake of humanity whether I was safe.
How could this be love??
What have I done to deserve that?
I HATE HER...
Really don't know what to do.....
This is my first post under this group because I had never felt this way.
I used to feel suicidal but this time the feeling is overwhelming.
I really don't know what to do but I have to take this out of me.
Two years back I had come to this new city for a job.
Before that I had spent 3 months in a pathetic job where I had no one.
I used to feel so alone,all the college friends disconnected from me and at the new job I used to sit in a corner everyday torturing myself.People used to ask each other during breaks for tea but used to ignore as if I don't even exist.The reason for their behaviour I still did'nt understand.It was really bad for my self confidence and I gave in to all sort of low self esteem and anxiety issues.
Finally I left that job and came to this new city 2 years back.
Initially things were really tough for me and I was all alone nobody to talk to.I was stuck with such room mates who did'nt even asked me for a glass of water when I was suffering from illness.
I came out of that flat and then finally started getting my life on track and things were getting better.I thought that the worst part is over and now things to go better.But I did'nt had a clue what was coming in my life.
4 months into the new job a girl came into our team like so many other new joinees.I never had thought that this girl would one day destroy my life.
Initially we did'nt used to talk much and it was completly professional but one day due to some reason she called me and talked for 2 min.
After that we started talking on regular basis.She was struggling with the managers and I used to console her and help her in work without any wrong motives.
She used to be very caring and I was happy to have friend like her.
We started talking daily on phone for hours and started going out for dinners and movies.She had told me that she has a bf but that person had cheated on her for a year.
Days passed and we grew closer everyday and started doing everything together.Eventually we fell for each other but when she told this to her bf he got mad and did'nt leave her.
After few days I got physically intimate with her while she was still talking to her bf.I used to tell her why do you pick that person's phone so she used to tell me that he would create a scene infront of my parents I trusted her.She used to talk to him daily.One day that person came to this city and she met with him not telling me.
Somehow I got to know and I was devastated and when I questioned her she started shouting at me that she did'nt had any option and she does'nt wants to be with me.
That night was so terrible for me when I knew that person is in the city and she would be meeting him after office and God knows what might happen.
Still I was able to recollect myself and thought she would not do that again.
15 times she had told me that she does'nt wants to be with me but then again we got together.
Both of us left the company and got back together.She used to treat me like shit and everytime we had a fight she used to tell me that she does'nt wants to be with me.
But I took it because I loved her from my heart and was not able to take her out of me.
I broke my hand 4 times,I bled and cried for her but she was unaffected.Not a single tear in her eyes to see me in that condition and she used to tell me that she loves me.
Since past few days she had been completly avoiding like I was some kind of a fluke.When I asked her the reason for that she told me that she needs some alone time when I should not call her,message her or anything.
Though it was really tough for me but I agreed to it but now and then used to msg her just to check whether she is fine.
I was getting this gut feeling that something is going on which I am unaware of.
Last night I got late in office and went to a restaurant to get something.
There I saw her with her ex bf sitting and having food.
I was devastated completly.Here I was feeling guilt for being the reason to disturb her and there was lying to me and ditching me.
I could'nt control myself and a big scene was created there on the road.
Still she was not at all ashamed of her and instead blamed me that I am selfish.
There I was dying and she was asking her ex bf to drop her to home.
It was 1 o'clock in the night and it was raining and she infront of my eyes sat behind him and left.
She left me alone on the road in the rain and went with that person..
The whole night cud'nt sleep...
I feel like giving up and ending my life but can't do that because my family won't be able to take it..
She did'nt even dropped me a msg just for the sake of humanity whether I was safe.
How could this be love??
What have I done to deserve that?
I HATE HER...
Really don't know what to do.....
~ IT WASN'T & NEVER WAS ON HER PART..
What have I done to deserve that?
~ YOU CONTINUED SEEING HER..
Really don't know what to do.....
~ LEAVE HER ALONE - TELL HER TO F**K-OFF WHEN/IF SHE CALLS; MOVE ON..
Just can't get rid of this shit feeling....
I am new to this site, and don't want to come off as being mean or rude, but you did ask for this in a way.
She was still with her boyfriend when she started being with you. She's been cheating on her boyfriend with you. You are the "affair". They say that "If someone will do it WITH you, they will do it TO you" and I believe that this is the case here.
I think you probably hate her right now because you are hurting and are very angry with the situation. You need some time away from this girl. As Mal66 said, tell her to leave and if she's living with you, kick her out. Leave her alone and keep her as far away from you as possible. You do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone, so don't tolerate it any longer. You need to remind yourself each day of this, and practice it religiously.
I'll send positive thoughts your way.
I spent the day with some old mates and am In a normal place right now...
Really appreciate u guys for reading such a long post...:-)