Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

3 Online

angelite 12/18/2008

i can't be a normal human and life happily ever after. i fuck everything up without even knowing why. i put myself in situations i promise i will avoid and SURPRISE! it is a fucking mess again. i hate someone and love them at teh same time and can't find the strength to completely leave. i don't even have the financial means to even leave right now and i am so angry. i hate myself, my life, him. i hate everything. why can't things fucking work out for the better ever? why can't i have a fucking normal life and start a family like most people my age. i have no idea what is happening and have no control over anything in my life right now. when i try to take control something else happens to pull it away from me. how am i supposed to be strong when i am being knocked down at every turn? if i wasn't afraid of the consequences, i would love to end it all right now - but i am afraid of the outcome too.... why can't i come down with a terminal disease or get hit by a car? why can't that happen instead of all this?

angelite 12/18/2008

what horrible thing did i do in my childhood or past life made me deserve to suffer from this illness, and be so unlovable? what did i do? why can't i just start my life now? i try and try - i work so hard to be a good person and create a great life for myself - but it doesn't matter. then people who are hateful and trample over people and don't lift a finger to help anyone get everything they want. how is this fair?

deleted_user 12/18/2008

I'm so sorry you are feeling so terrible

*hugs*

Do you not have anyone you could go to? Friends or family?

angelite 12/18/2008

i am so tired of existing among the rest of humanity. but when i seclude myself from it i feel nothing but loneliness - i can't decide what to do. every person i ever attempt to get close to or open my heat top takes advantage and hurts me, yet i can't exist solely alone.

angelite 12/18/2008

i don't trust anyone anymore - friends have all left here and i don't want to go to family. i feel like such a failure. i am so alone. i just wish there was one person who wouldn't fuck me over.

angelite 12/18/2008

my closest friends here are even all gone - i know that means they are probably doing well and living their life - i am happy for them for that. but i need them so much now and they are not here.

angelite 12/19/2008

and then i feel horrible about myself for feeling like this when i think of good things i do have - why can't i be normal and appreciate that? i hate how i am and i hate my life so much i want it to be over. i am tired.

deleted_user 12/19/2008

You may not want to go to family. I certainly didn't . . . gosh I felt like I was going to die from the huge feeling of failure when I had to move back in with my parents for a bit . . .But it may be best for you! How do they feel about your depression? Do they know? Sounds to me like they love you and you should tap into such a valuable resource of support!

PS You live anywhere near me . . . I live in Murray, KY and I see you live in KY too. Don't have to say if you don't want to.

*hugs*

deleted_user 12/19/2008

which illness?

deleted_user 12/19/2008

And in respect to your feelings of guilt, failure, and unlovableness those are all nasty symptoms of depression. Lies!!

Check out the thread on guilt on the main board, you aren't alone!!

http://dailystrength.org/c/Depression/forum/5750058-guilt

angelite 12/19/2008

illness? i am not sure what you may be referring too - i can't even rec all everything i have said. if i referred to an illness i most likely meant depression.

deleted_user 12/19/2008

"what horrible thing did i do in my childhood or past life made me deserve to suffer from this illness"

angelite 12/19/2008

yes - i meant this depression we deal with. why?

deleted_user 12/19/2008

I think she means that she feels as if she did something in the past to make her feel this way....am I right?

deleted_user 12/19/2008

what is it that you want that seems to keep being pulled away?

angelite 12/19/2008

a future, a reason to be here - eveytime i feel like i am starting my adult life something happens to make me go backwards. i feel like i am merely existing right now instead of having a purpose.

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