I dont know how to describe what I am feeling right now but I would say that I am in crisis mode. I feel sort of like out of body. I feel alone and stress out and just kinda wanting to just not be here and exist but I know there are people who would be devastated. About a year ago I moved out of my parents house. I moved out and got my own place with a friend. We at the time had all of these great ideas and plans to live amongst each other and be adults. We were given an opportunity to get dogs and so we took them in. After a day of getting these puppies my roommate decided he did not want the dog he picked out. The roommate struggle with there own mental health issues and was put on permanent disability which I should have seen as a red flag. This roommate about a couple months later checked himself into a mental institution and told me that he was moving out and that I would basically have to find a new roommate by myself. The roommate and his family basically dump the responsibilities of finding a new roommate for the remainder of our lease and to clean and get rid of all of his stuff in the room.  A month or two later another friend wanted to move into the room. This friend has borderline personality disorder and a bunch of other mental health issues but they worked and went to school so I was desperate and I said yes. They moved in and mind you I still have my dogs she had a cat which she knew I was very allergic to. As the month went by I realizes that she wasn't as clean nor considerate as she said she was and I would bring these things up in hoped that she would change. It got so bad that I just stop saying things and I eventually said something when she sent me a passive aggressive text message about me cleaning up after myself in the kitchen and cleaning up after my dogs. Which normally I would do but I went to take the guy I had been seeing home. The very next day I had a conversation with her in which she started to raise her voice at me. The argument got pretty heated and it was quickly resolved by her saying that she would make more efforts to be a better roommate. Same night the conversation took place she did something I had asked her not to do. And so I had to rethink how I would move forward. I let her know I would need a day to collect my thoughts and we would have to sit down to come up with a better solution. She from that day began to move her stuff out. She intentionally stop talking to me and mention nothing of resolving anything and ultimately blocked me. While all of this was going on from the first roommate I was so behind on bills I choose to pay my rent over my light bill and my power eventually got shut off. I was desperate and I called my parents I was so embarrassed and ready to just give up on life but my parents ended helping me out and paid a total of 2 thousand dollars to turn my lights back on. I began to get more depressed and stressed because now I need to figure out how I was going to keep up with my bills. With all of that I ended up getting fired from my previous job. And looking for another job was hard everyone's hiring but nobody's hiring. I filled for unemployment the very next day and waited almost a week. I rehomed one of my dogs and now on the brink of being homeless and rehoming the other dog. I can't pay my rent still haven't gotten paid from unemployment. And still trying to find a job and idk I just want to not exist not breath not deal with all of this. I don't know what to do I have really been eating my house is a mess because I've been depressed. Oh and then the guy that is not my boyfriend but who I am seeing exclusively is confusing and I've fallen for the guy and I want to talk about my feelings but I somehow offend him every time I say something and idk and now I feel paranoid I just want reassurance I want to feel ok. And I'm honestly not and I don't want live or be here anymore.