It sounds like your husband may need to be hospitalized. This could make him angry but it could also save his life. Ask him if he would be willing to talk to a doctor about what he is going through. Remind him that you love him and are genuinely afraid for his life. Tell him he needs help and that you want him back in your life like it used to be before all this happened. Let us know how it goes.

That must be very difficult for you and your girls. He is having a very hard time, personally, I see that you have done everything you cant. Do you feel stuck, or helpless with him like this? I have been hospitalized three times and I think it is just a band aid and doesnt really help, however when it comes to you AND your girls..... I think he needs a lot more, personally with my parents putting me there, months later I saw that they were only trying to help me and they themselves were stuck with how to help and it was the only way. I am not sure if this helps but I am praying for your family!! I know how hard it is not to have family around.

I'm too scared to suggest that. He saw his counsellor on Monday and said she will see him in again in two weeks! Straight away I thought that was strange because he seems worse now then ever and two weeks is a long time! I actually convinced myself that maybe he IS ok if she doesn't see any urgency but now I'm not too sure. I do truly think he will get more angry if I suggest anything as when I did suggest things last night he flipped out.... the hard thing is- we run a business together and the pressure on him is enormous!

He's going to have to talk to you about this sooner or later. You can't live like this forever, wandering if he is going to end it or not. At the very least he needs to contract with you for safety meaning he agrees not to hurt himself. I remember when my son was suicidal. I was scared to death! He got better without medication but continues to see a psychologist once a month and a pastoral counselor once a week. Or at the very least get help for yourself and take it from there.

I have sufferedfrom depression most of my life. The times I was suicidal the things that helped were being hospitalized ( it gives professionals enough time with you to assess your personality.) If he is not responding to therapy he may need different medication, I was on three different medication over years before finding a depression and anxiety combination that works. When you are really threatening suicide and making a plan (he is looking for a way to complete his plan) he needs emergency help. you can take him to an ER and initiate assessment from psych staff.

Although I have no concrete advice, I just think it's wonderful that you are concerned. I'm going through some horrible things right now, and whenever I try to talk to my husband about my " thoughts" , he screams "you need help", or "I'll just call the police on you". Please continue loving him and being there for him. Feeling abandoned sucks.

so sorry for what you are going through. I agree with many of the above suggestions. I agree that two weeks is a long time. You can call the counselor and just ask her to listen to your concerns.
If he talks about killing himself or you learn that he has a plan, you can ask the therapist to help you to involuntary admit him to a hospital for evaluation, treatment and discharge resources.

Thank u everyone for ur replies... staying connected is the only way I think I can get though and be able to help him while still making our girls a priority.

It's so hard I honestly feel like I'm going to loose which ever way it goes and I feel selfish for even worrying about that.

I'm trying everything I have to stay on top and il be the first to admit that I am not perfect. But I'm not trying to do anything to purposely upset him in any way... it's so hard. I see my counsellor this arvo and I don't think a 1 hour is going to be long enough...

Thumpa,
This is an immediate crisis, call a crisis hotline NOW... don't think about him being angry with you, think about him not being here at all and that will give you the courage to call. He is isolating because he is losing hope. Sometimes he just needs someone to help him find hope. Hope hides sometimes. Get a professional involved as quickly as possible.

Be Kind

talk to him about his options. He may feel locked into this business &c. Let him know you can wind it up/sell it no sweat. Let him know that the life you two lead isn't locked in, cast in stone. That it's fluid and must take account of his needs.

Or if he's more this way inclined, sit him down and show him how much more money he earns for the family over a long period of time, than the lump sum. Do some future value tests at 2% on the insurance payout.

I don't know. I don't know the guy. But you have to make him see that it's not necessary. That it doesn't improve anything for anyone.

Depression causes tunnel vision. We can feel we have no way out of this particular life right here, other than dying because to let go of an aim or a value seems just not able to be done. And yet it's letting go of those aims and values that cause suicide and therefore are false, that makes us mature and become old and wise.

Thank u again everyone...
My counsellor is amazing- honestly it doesn't matter how many lessons I think I've learnt and how much I grow- it's like there's always more...
Just like each one of you I am so grateful for opinions and thoughts from other perspectives because I think that's the only true way of ever seeing something as a whole and not just tunnel biased opinions and feelings. Thank you all...
Please keep your fingers crossed for us all because we need all the help and prayers and best wishes we can ATM...

Tomoro is a new day-

Thank you.... no we have no family here and although we have some friends it's very hard to think of someone that could be a really good help or influence in this case because we have our business and the kids it's not like we have very DEEP friendships that would truly understand. It's sad but that's what I've realised lately with my counsellor- that it would be a lot easier if we had a more supportive network around us...

I think there's a degree to which having it easy isn't easy. I have done most of my growing and discovering when life was very hard and I had no support network. I've been 1000 miles from home before, in a bad way, so I'm not just saying. Having to discover your own strength, having to form strong bonds together to survive could be the making of you. But you do have to both be on the same team. Hubby's pulling away. You have somehow to make him change his mind about that.

Your right bridgie101, and in a way that's how I see it too- the hardest time in our life has past- now it can make us or break us and of course I am all for making us- stronger, closer and stronger but ur right- he has to want it too.
We are very different in the way we do things and the way we grow- but obviously he is struggling so hopefully he may want to try something else?
What have we got to loose? That's what my attitude is (well today anyway) I am giving it my all and more because that's the best that I can do...