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This was very seriously biting at me over the weekend and finally caused a sleepless night last night, so I really need to let this out here before my normally long fuse goes off in a place where it should not (yes, I'm conscious of other people).
So, I've been letting a lot of stuff come out to my therapist that has been bugging me. The most recent is the incident at Easter dinner at my house a couple of months ago. My older brother -- I have three siblings all told -- was sharing stuff that he had been doing because he lives in New York now and we don't get to see or hear from him much anymore. But he has a habit of letting out some stuff that he shouldn't. On this particular night, he mentioned an Easter egg hunt for adults that had taken place somewhere in New York City if my memory is right. Except this was not a "normal" egg hunt: Apparently, it involved somebody in a life-size bunny costume who was tackling the egg hunters looking for his/her share of the eggs.
I had always thought that bunnies were cute and fuzzy things...by these lights a bunny that another of my siblings owns is not quite that way, but that didn't hurt the mental picture I had about them. With the vulnerable place I was in, though -- and it has not been a secret for months in the family that I feel vulnerable -- this was a serious mistake on his part, I feel. It sounded totally wrong, and totally against the view that I have about bunnies.
It made me instantly upset, and I warned him that if I had issues falling asleep last night, I was blaming him. Sure enough, to my chagrin, I got a progressively worse recurring nightmare about bunnies first tackling me, then it became hitting me over the head with...I can't remember what, then it became flat out killing me. Finally, at 1am, I sent him what is for me a nasty text with a sarcastic "thanks a lot", and it took all that I had to not say that I hoped somebody gave him the KTFO treatment. He tried to apologize a few minutes later, but I would have none of that -- I was that hot -- and we haven't talked to each other since. I did not miss him when he wasn't able to show up for Father's Day, because I'm pretty sure I would have flipped him the bird if he did.
My therapist is saying -- and logically I agree -- that this is just something unfortunate that has happened and that I need to find a way to let it go. But emotionally, this is the latest in a long line of bad episodes in my memory that have made me feel unsafe anywhere I go, and I have never been able to forgive the perpetrators of various...stuff, too much to mention here, because the result has made me so scared that I'm stuck in a place where I fear I will only see more of the same for the rest of my life.
I don't have to be told that I need to learn how to forgive and let go, but I know some of these scars go back 20 years, so I really don't know how. Ideas?
So, I've been letting a lot of stuff come out to my therapist that has been bugging me. The most recent is the incident at Easter dinner at my house a couple of months ago. My older brother -- I have three siblings all told -- was sharing stuff that he had been doing because he lives in New York now and we don't get to see or hear from him much anymore. But he has a habit of letting out some stuff that he shouldn't. On this particular night, he mentioned an Easter egg hunt for adults that had taken place somewhere in New York City if my memory is right. Except this was not a "normal" egg hunt: Apparently, it involved somebody in a life-size bunny costume who was tackling the egg hunters looking for his/her share of the eggs.
I had always thought that bunnies were cute and fuzzy things...by these lights a bunny that another of my siblings owns is not quite that way, but that didn't hurt the mental picture I had about them. With the vulnerable place I was in, though -- and it has not been a secret for months in the family that I feel vulnerable -- this was a serious mistake on his part, I feel. It sounded totally wrong, and totally against the view that I have about bunnies.
It made me instantly upset, and I warned him that if I had issues falling asleep last night, I was blaming him. Sure enough, to my chagrin, I got a progressively worse recurring nightmare about bunnies first tackling me, then it became hitting me over the head with...I can't remember what, then it became flat out killing me. Finally, at 1am, I sent him what is for me a nasty text with a sarcastic "thanks a lot", and it took all that I had to not say that I hoped somebody gave him the KTFO treatment. He tried to apologize a few minutes later, but I would have none of that -- I was that hot -- and we haven't talked to each other since. I did not miss him when he wasn't able to show up for Father's Day, because I'm pretty sure I would have flipped him the bird if he did.
My therapist is saying -- and logically I agree -- that this is just something unfortunate that has happened and that I need to find a way to let it go. But emotionally, this is the latest in a long line of bad episodes in my memory that have made me feel unsafe anywhere I go, and I have never been able to forgive the perpetrators of various...stuff, too much to mention here, because the result has made me so scared that I'm stuck in a place where I fear I will only see more of the same for the rest of my life.
I don't have to be told that I need to learn how to forgive and let go, but I know some of these scars go back 20 years, so I really don't know how. Ideas?
I hope this helps.
what happened is very unfortunate . I'm sorry your family doesn't respect your concerns.
The thing about forgiving and letting go is to understand it's something you do for yourself, not the other person.
Clinging to the anger/fear/frustration, however you want to call it only serves to keep it "alive" and hurting in your here and now.
You forgive the other person so the incident doesn't continue to tear you apart. No, you don't forget, but, it no longer has any power/control over you.
You don't even have to say it to the offender, you do it in your own mind and heart for your own mental health.
It can be a very difficult thing to master, yet, it can be done with persistence.
Perhaps you could begin by telling yourself your brother didn't intentionally mean to cause you this distress.
He was simply sharing something he'd done somewhere else with the family.
Try to focus on that, and in the process say, ok, it happened, he didn't mean to hurt me, I'm going to forgive him/what happened and remember how sweet bunnies really are and move away from it.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself so the action's of others don't control your here and now. It's a gift of freedom you give yourself.
Once you do that, in the future, you'll be able to think, you already gave forgiveness, whenever something like that occurs. It won't have the power to cause you so much distress.
I will say, it's far easier said than done. Once you manage it though,
the relief is well worth it.
Wishing you peace.....
whew, there for a split second I thought ur post was going to be about sex while hunting the eggs.....
At least you know what your brother was doing on easter, b'ing tackled by some one in a bunny suit. though I would think a skimpy hugh hefner bunny suit would be more appropriate. Damm there i go again...
IDK girl I guess we just have to let some things go and live but watch out for them clowns and bunnies in full regalia.
I really don't like violence in entertainment. There are some exceptions I have made, and some coping methods I use.
The coping method I use is to remind myself that it is acting, and that at some point the directer yelled "CUT" and everybody got up, got cleaned up, and went to lunch (or dinner) and then home to family and friends.
The exceptions I have learned to make is when the characters portrayed "deserve" what they got. I also use the method of the director yelling "CUT" on stuff like this.
What your brother described sounds like something that young adults (I'm thinking mid to late 20s) would find amusing, assuming they knew what was going to happen. Perhaps what you can do is to remind yourself that there are multiple ways to see rabbits. One is the cute bunnies at the pet store, another is the sassy Bugs Bunny from the cartoons. Learn to separate the concepts; there is not one definition of rabbit.
If you explain to your brother that you understand that now, he may feel better about the whole thing.