resenting someone is like taking poison hoping that they die....it is not good not smart and forgiveness is the solution to many of lifes problems....it would be nice is they needed the forgiveness because they have apologized but many people never admit their mistakes or abuses or whatever it might be that they have done to hurt another person....so I just do not think it wise to hold on to a resentment at all....

Staying away...walls....sounds like you already have the answer. Unless you take Bill's advice and forgive which leads to true healing. Does this family member know how you feel? Maybe thats the first step is sharing how hurt you feel. I know, easier said than done.

I AGREE WITH BILL.
I HAVE LEARNED THAT FORGIVENESS IS THE ANSWER BUT IT WILL B A SLOW PROCESS.
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

My advice is to act normal. And stay in the now with them. Stay in the concrete, the mundane. What's for tea, what are you doing on the weekend, have you tried sushi from this place...

This way you can get through the time it takes to get some perspective without making anything worse while you're in a vulnerable state. In a year or two you can talk about this with them. Maybe three. But not now. :)

Their are people pulling strings that only want the worst for and from me and if I tell the person how I truly feel, it would only be taken back to them and make them more satisfied in their ways.

I think it's obvious that you need to get away from this person.

Thank you guys. I am a person who has a hard time forgiving others. Especially, when my whole life has pretty much been pain and people trying to use me at some time or another. The person is an unavoidable constant and part of me. Times like these I usually cut them out of my life, but I don't know what to do because when I look at this person all see is pain, hurt, anger, disappointment. If I can manage to get pass these, Id like to think I'd still want this person in my life, but I have never been through something like this before in my life.

Write down as specifically as words will allow how this person's actions and behavior affect you. Study your words. Memorize them. Then use them as verbal ammunition next time their behavior that hurts and irritates you emerges. Communicating your feelings as specifically and assertively as possible takes the emotion out of the equation and enables you to see this, calmly, logically, for what it is, as it is.

You need counselling, because a 12 yr old child can't be held responsible for your emotional state. He really can't. And you're blaming him for hurts that he did not inflict. His father inflicted them. He simply didn't fight his father.

It's not his job to fight his father and it's not appropriate to tell him to. If you want his father fought on an issue, you have to fight dad yourself.

About the only thing I can see you can demand, is that he call you mum. For as long as you gave him birth, you are his mum. That's not negotiable. But the rest of it, he can't control. Not one jot. You need to fight this stuff out with Dad yourself. And if you can't win, you can't expect a 12 yr old child living with his father to do so.

This 12 year old just decided that he didnt want to show up for weekend visitation that is court ordered and his father and grandmother refused to bring him just because he didn't want to. So yes, my blame is partially on my son. He knows exactly what he's doing. I know because I was 10 when my parents went through their divorce and I knew everything that was going on first hand. Instead of doing what is needed for my son, people are only doing what they want. All I ever did was try to raise my child with morals and responsibilities the best I could. My son doesn't want those in his life and his father and grandmother refuse to enforce those. So my son chose to live with them instead of me. I blame them too, but I didn't raise them. I raised my son and I taught him better than what he is showing everyone now.