I've been hospitalized three times for suicide attempts. The last time was just over 5 years ago....and I've been told, I was almost successful. The last couple of weeks now, and more the last week or so, I'm not functioning well. I am crying constantly, although I try not to in front of my family. I drive a school bus and cry while picking up the kids (thank goodness for sunglasses). My husband is worried and watching me like a hawk and trying to take care of me, which is making me feel even more guilty. I cried through my counseling appointment for the whole 60 minutes. I got a massage yesterday and it helped for about a couple of hours to relax the muscles in my neck and then the tight pain came back. My hands are shaky...I'm not eating, and I realized that I am trying to figure out how to make my husbands life easier when I'm gone (bills, household things which I take care of). My head keeps pounding, and I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't want to die...but I don't want to feel like this. When do I know its time to go to the hospital? I'm scared....I'm stressed, my anxiety is crazy. Help me.