How long have you been a widower for?
Did your wife who passed away treat you well & were you generally happy together? Was she ever the type of person who would play with your heart & return to an ex?
Are you the type of person who would play with other peoples hearts? If not, then maybe heart break now is better than a future filled with mistreatment. Wait to come across somebody worthy of your love.
Is it possible that the loss of the current woman is triggering the trauma of losing your wife?
I wasn't married, but my boyfriend died of cancer 2years ago. He was perfect for me in every way that mattered. He was the first person to treat me in a healthy, loving manner - Which makes the loss even harder but now I know how I deserve to be treated & what is good love. When I meet unhealthy love interests, I think "would xxxx have ever talked to me like that or behaved that way to me?" It doesn't make thinks that much easier but it gives a little clarity.
There is a guy in my life, whose behaviour is hurting me emotionally, yet I keep wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think it's partly because every time, I go to walk away, I walk into a frightening, gaping wound of loneliness & deprivation of human connection. I died internally with my boyfriend, I have been dead inside & stayed away from people for almost 2 years & this current guy has brought something in me back to life but now there's not much human connection in my life & I have a hard time creating it. I'm wasting my time & emotions on this current guy - now I just have to get the courage to face that loneliness inside of me. Easier said than done. Lol. And after I get hurt by someone I feel broken & vulnerable & less than & more afraid of people & unable to look the world in the eyes - and I don't want to go through that. But that passes & overtime, along will come the next person & hopefully I'll meet someone I'll be happy with & treats me well again.
As for sleep, I understand fear of going to sleep & nightmares. Have you ever tried melatonin? Depending on the person, it either works great or does nothing - but worth a try.
Another thing that has works for me is listening to something that keeps your mind occupied. I either listen to audio books, podcasts but nothing too heavy, even stand up comedy. Or guided meditations. I like the iPhone app "silva relax" or "silva meditation" you might be able to find it on android or there is one version of the silva method relaxation. I'm still afraid to sleep without something to listen to.
I hope something works for you & that you meet someone who will treat you well.

man, don't ask me...I have tried pretty much everything and nothing has worked. doesn't matter how badly he treated me, I love him still. And before everyone starts..no it has nothing to do with esteem. I don't have self esteem issues at all. It's just...
Anyway, I keep wishing there was a pill that could erase him and just him from my mind and heart... But there isn't. I just do what I can do. Put one foot in front of the other
Cry when I need to cry. When it gets really bad, I try and go to sleep. And he even shows up there sometimes...so...
Good luck

There is a lot that I am dealing with right now and no I wasn't ready to go back out on the playing field. I admit that but for someone to make me think that I had a chance with her as she waited to get back with her ex is wrong, especially after she found out what I have been through. She knew everything from the beginning and yet she did what she did. There is no excuse for that. She made me feel a hundred times worse than I was. I admit that I wasn't in the best state of mind. Iwas ttrying to replace what I lost. Even though I knew that I couldn't do that I tried.. I wish her the best but I will never let someone that makes me feel worthless in my life again. I don't hate her. I will not let anyone make me waste that much energy to hate them.

The trick is not to forget her, but to be okay with her being gone. If you try to berry her memory, good or bad, then they will just come back to haunt you. But if you can become okay with her being gone than there is nothing left to hurt you. I know that's not easy and I am still working out how to do that myself.

I know this is a little counter to what I was just saying but this song came to mind when I read your post. Hope you enjoy it, and I wish you all the best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDyODMFQzuU

Thanks sion that was a great song. It's exactly how I feel.

I wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing? Are things getting any easier for you? Don't forget you are not alone and you have a lot of love and support right here~ Soft Hugs GB

Things are much better. Thank you.