Btw the only reason I put my mood as bad . Is sadly despite having this one good part to my day my head won't allow me to be happy it still wants to rune it a ok and make me misserable :( when will I get out of this before it's to late

That's definitely progress. Glad you're still okay. *hugs*

Thanks feels like a miricle with all the attempts I have had in the past week . But some how I'm still kicking :/

I put it to you with all these attempts that you don't actually want to die. I put it to you that somewhere inside yourself, you maybe feel bulletproof? You don't feel you can be harmed?

You can wreck your kidneys. You can find yourself on dialysis for life. There are a lot of things you can do that will damage you badly, despite not actually killing you.

You're walking a very fine line. You only get one body. And that body has to do you for life. Try to take care of it.

PS go watch "Death Becomes Her".

Please don't hurt yourself any more. Get help right away. Get hooked up with a doctor and get on some medication. And get a therapist. And if you feel the urge to attempt suicide again please call either 911 or 1-800-suicide.

You can fight this musicgirl ! Just curious, have you taken the advice I gave earlier ? Was there a chapel on campus and did you go in if there was ? Also, were you able to talk to a priest ? Sorry for all of the questions, I've been praying for you all night. . Remember dear, this is only the first step, but you can do this! And please, do no harm yourself again. You are worth more than that.

I am a commuter student . So I got to school just for class so I couldn't go :( maybe today . Though today is my last class for a while so idk :( I just got yelled at to get out of bed . And my head is already spiraling to extremes :( why won't it stop

Yelled at to get out of bed. Not accepting the idea that you have a serious problem and refusing to get you help, sounds like my dad and my household. I'm glad that you are slowly feeling better. You only have yourself it sounds like. I made a goal for this year to get a better paying job so I can move out of my negative living environment. You should start doing the same thing. Start small. Keep taking it day by day. But you have to make yourself do it. I know it's hard when you are feeling that way. I've been there, but I pulled myself up and kept going. You can do it.

Yeah if I actually survive and graduate school this summer .... I'm supposed to apply for actual teaching jobs for the fall .... I have so much anxiety about that though and it's one of the many reasons why I want to end my life . But I see the point to getting a better job :( then I could move out and do what ever it takes to get better because right now I can't do anything to get better . And I think it's a miricle I actually made it a day without trying :)

If applying for a teaching job is one of the main reasons that you want to end your life, then it isn't worth it. Don't get me wrong, teaching is a very rewarding and worthwhile career, I just mean that NOTHING is worth ending your life over. If you can identify the reasons for you wanting to end your life, maybe it's time to get rid of those reasons. For example, make a list of all of the reasons you want to end your life and another list of all of the reasons you shouldn't end it. (this one should hopefully be longer) Then after that, go through each of the reasons on the list of reasons why you want to end your life, and get rid of those reasons! Meaning, if one of those reasons is b/c you have to apply for a teaching job, then don't apply! Change your major to something else. It's that simple. Don't end your life, dear, change those reasons for wanting to! Change all negatives into positives.

But, congrats for making it through the day without trying. Please, do try to get to a Church or chapel - even if it's for a few minutes. Even if it means being a few minutes late for class. There are bigger things at steak here. Trust me, just stepping inside of a Catholic Church can do wonders for you. It is amazing! Just to sit there and say, "Okay, I'm here, Lord. What now ?" a few minutes each day can literally change your life! Trust me, I KNOW. I say go for it!

It's worth a shot I guess . I have done lists before sadly when I make them I always come up with more reasons to die then live . I don't know what has made me such a negative person . A couple years back I was totally fine with life :( now I'm a hot mess . My whole arm actually hurts even when nothing is touching it :/ my mom is worried im going to get an infection . But no surprise here I Apparently don't care . I just keep hurting more and more :( what gives

Honey, you have to stop harming yourself! You refer to your arm hurting.....I guess so! Have you talked to your mom at all about how you're feeling and how you need help ? Have you told her about these urges you have to harm yourself ?

You have so many reasons to live - and you should want to live! You say you were fine with life a couple of years back ? Did something happen since then to bring you down ? Was there a death in the family or of someone you were close to ? What happened to change your perspective on life ?

Oh, and do keep on praying those words. I'll be praying for you as well. Smile , hun, it's not so bad. Life is what you make of it. Remember, count your blessings! :)

All she does it keeps telling me to stop doing it . But I never stop I do it all the time :( u would think she would notice that clearly I need more help then just being tolled to stop but obviously she dosnt :(
As per the event I failed student teaching and at the same time was tolled how much I suck as a musician by someone I had known most of my young life . I know they are minor things but they killed my confidence all together and made me loose all trust in my ability to recognize if I am doing somthing correctly or not .....that being said ever since I have had extreme anxiety towards life and then that brought on depression . I still think about those events constantly and they stop me from feeling like I could ever teach :(
Do to these things I am changed and they make me hate life and want it to be over
I know u probably think they are stupid reasons but for some reason they drastically changed my life :(

Do get to a Church. I know I must sound like a broken record, but I'm really serious about this. It doesn't matter what your religion is, but just do it. I know what I'm talking about. You don't even have to believe in it, but what I'm telling you is true. God Himself is truly present in the tabernacle. (the tabernacle is that little box that you see on the altar) Just by sitting in His presence for a few minutes each day can do wonders. You say you're tired of all of these evil tendencies and thoughts - this is the way to get rid of the evil. The devil hates God and anything to do with God. The devil will flee from Him - and you if you are where He is. Right now you are very far from the Lord, which is why the devil keeps tormenting you. RUN FROM THE DEVIL - RUN TO GOD! That's all I have to say on that. The rest is up to you.

I guess I could try :/ not leaving for school for a couple of hours though :( and it's during these idol times that I do the most damage :(