Am I crazy for freaking out about everything around me? Why my mind can't comprehend why I am here.

I just don't understand anything. life in general.. internet, cell phones. I just have a hard time accepting that this all is happening.

I just need to find a way to turn my deep thoughts positive. I am slowly breaking down with all this negativity .

I know I thought I'd find happiness in a relationship for a long time, and would try to find the perfect one to make me happy. So, you're learning something now it took me a lot longer to get. It sounds like you've dealt with a lot of betrayal in your life, and that now you're pretty depressed. Have you tried counseling? It was really helpful for me, you seem like you're insightful and trying to figure yourself out. Those traits are really helpful in therapy, I think it would work well for you if you found the right therapist. Hang in there!

I am in drug court. Until 19 I was clean, sports.. pure...

I self destructed to being rejected. I have to go to meetings 3 times a week, it's finally almost over.

I go once every 2 weeks to talk to my counceler. It doesn't really help me. I am truly embarrassed to express how I feel every day. It is even hard on here.

I don't know what will make me happy. All I know is I am 22, and I am losing my energy and falling apart.

Sleeping pills back fire on me now, they use to work. However, now when I take 4-5 50mg to sleep... if I don't fall a sleep in 45 minutes my thoughts seem to intensify at a scary level.

Some times I want to take 5-6 suboxune to put me a sleep for good at night. But .. honestly I am too afraid, that maybe... just maybe I can get out of this slump.

the last 3 years felt like 10.

Do you think the counselor is a good match for you? Is it just that it's hard for you to express yourself in general, or is it that you don't trust this person? I know it can be really hard to go in and be honest about things, and how bad you're feeling, but that's the only way it's going to help. You're really doing a great job of expressing yourself on here.... what if you printed out what you've written and just gave that to the therapist? It sounds like things are a pretty serious place right now if you're having thoughts about going to sleep for good, I think you're right that you can get out of this slump. It won't be easy but it will be worth it!

thanks for chatting with me. trying a new anti depressant. dont know if I believe in them. i want to believe the only person who can make you happy is yourself.

but as I laid in bed next to my girl friend I can't get the haunting thoughts out of my head. she went to a party over a month ago and she is a good girl. doesnt have many friends. just about to graduate. but she went to a party with out me, and drank.. and gave another guy a ride home.

it literally is eating away at me. so when I try to sleep, i had to literally fight my thoughts. It went on for 3 hours until I pretty much cried myself to sleep. even tho i asked her pretty much 3-4 times in a row and she said no everytime. I still get a feeling that she is hiding something, every time i ask her she seems to look away for a quick second.

it's a lose lose. she is guilty, or I am guilty and she is crushed for me accusing her. I hope she can forgive me, if she is telling the truth.

23 year old male .. and I can't help but cry as if I was 5.

thanks again.. I have a very hard time reading people who feel like this. yet I do it myself.

I do think that a relationship can bring a lot of joy into a person's life. I realize my comment from earlier sounded a bit strong, what I meant was that happiness can't come from a relationship alone. (for me in my experience anyway) but the relationship I'm in now does bring much joy to my life, and it's nice to know that someone is there for me, it gives me a sense of security. It sounds like for you right now there isn't any nice secure feeling in any relationship due to what's happened in your past and your fear that those issues will be repeated.

For me meds have been helpful. I don't think they solve everything, but they help my anxiety/depression enough to where I can put my other coping skills into practice.

I really do hope you can share these issues with your therapist, I think dealing with these issues will be worth it in the long run. You're right that right now you're in a lose/lose. It's like even if she's not doing anything that's violating your trust, in your mind she has, so it's like she has. And eventually you may drive her away because she'll feel like you don't trust her when she's done nothing wrong (not to be pessimistic, but I think it is reality)

hey... thanks again. I just had a break at my job and I rushed to the pharmacy. I hate that a pill can control my moods. Im definetly feeling better that I took my suboxone. When I meet with my 1 on 1 counseler for court I will ask him for some info on therapists

I struggled with trying to sort the pill thing out for along time. I didn't want to take meds, I felt the same way and only wanted to go the "natural" route. Now though, I've gave it a try and it works for me. So, I've just accepted being on it for a while, and am grateful it helps me. I'm really glad you're feeling better and think it's awesome you're going to check into therapy more. I think if you find someone you trust you could really do well in it, you seem to have a lot of insight into yourself. Keep in touch and let me know how it goes!

I have days I would like to go to and get a do over. Give the new girl a chance she is not your x. I do understand how you feel and moving on can be a hard thing to do.