Hi mary1145!! How r u feeling? I think we're all in search for the same answers sweetie. I know I'm absolutely miserable, suicidal, insomnia, anxious. My husband doesn't understand what I'm going through. He says he tries and thinks he understands but unless you walked in the shoes of someone who deals with mental illness, you don't really ever know but good thing we have sites like this, where we can be there for each other, vent and compare notes and just give a helping hand to those who are in need and just so we know we're not alone in this vicious battle. I hope you smiled today or something made you laugh. I hope u have a better day tomorrow. Hugs.

Hi Mary
You mentioned grief. Has there been a loss in your life? Sometimes grief, loneliness and despair are painful beyond words.
I have undergone many losses in the past few years, and some pretty bad medical problems. Some days I just don't know how I will make it.
I do find that coming to DS regularly helps. Is there anyone who can hold you?
I am lucky enough to have a caring husband and just having him hold me is immensely helpful. Please keep us updated. Gentle Hugs.

Are you able to identify what would make you happy apart from other people? Maybe a holiday, a pet, a course or a hobby? I would love to jump out of an aeroplane even though I'd probably pee myself. Sometimes adventure can break the cycle. I'm off travelling across Australia again at Christmas rather than stay here and stew in my own juices. I hope you find your answers soon. Good luck.

Its funny, you all seem to despair but you seem like people who are nicer, more caring, and do more for the world than the average person.

Put the despair and overwhelming greif in a separate place from everything else and never think about it.

wow happy there r people that do care. there r people that do have mercy. there is good in people. that gives me hope. compassion. maybe im not so different.

Never give up hope and when something is going on do something about it. I had a real bad weekend back in February. So bad I went to an urgent care facility because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t sleep for 3 days, had tremors, couldn’t breathe right, couldn’t stop worrying, just bad bad. It’s october already and I haven’t done a damn thing about it. Sometimes I’m more angry at myself than the actual problems I face. There’s times I have moments of clarity but I try to just sit and relax at those times than seek out help. That’s why I say if you sense something going on jump all over it. Here I am 8 months later still in the same place just weakened by the time. Don’t let the sadness take over.

Awwwe...mary1145. I'm in the same boat as you. I was starting to feel better until Sept. 1st, my gmom's bday. Then I visited her grave on the 3rd and sang to her and talked to her and it felt like I was attending her funeral and it's been close to 3 years since she passed. It does seem to be getting any easier but I'm a work in progress. I am fucking mess at the moment. It's really hard. I feel your struggle. Hugs. Mel