Might be a case of looking at self assertiveness and self esteem courses. If you can get one that focus on role play would be perfect.

I understand exactly what you are saying and wish I had an answer for both of us. Because I am so tired today, everything is hurting my feelings or I take things wrong if I'm exceptionally tired. I think a lot of us are like that so don't feel alone in this.I get knocked down all the time by my mother but I still haven't figured out what to do about it. I really wish I had an answer for you. I really do. Hugs GB

I love my mother very much. But, she does tend to do things like that too. It seems to hurt more when it comes from her. She is very old now, doesn't do it do it anymore but when I was growing up it was all the time. On top of that she had an sister that would echo in agreement. I understand the hurt and wish I had an answer for both of us. I usually reacted in anger and did the opposite of what she said or suggested.

For instance, when I was young, the legal drinking age was 19. Her boss had helped me get a job in one of the top nightclubs in town. My mother says.....maybe those women can teach you how to dress! Yeah, I let them teach me how to dressed. I picked the whoriest ones and dressed just like them. Of course she said something and I had to say "well, you wanted those women to teach me to dress". I guess you can tell, I was a very angry person. The problem with it, I only hurt myself. I didn't like dressing that way either and it affected my self esteem even more.

I wish there was a button we could push and make all the things we don't want to hear or hurts our self esteem go away. Who knows, maybe science will come up with one? Just try to be yourself and the hell with whatever anyone else says. It is ok to just be yourself.

Yeah, Mom's can be tough on the old self-esteem.
MAX is right with regard to being more assertive, and yes, even with your own mother.
I handle criticism the same way I handle insults.
When either occurs I ask the person if what I thought I heard them say is what they said, and then before giving them a chance to answer, I add how much their remark hurt me. That way they can address the hurt they have caused. I am telling them straight out my emotional reaction to what they said, and then they can clarify, explain, apologize....whatever they feel is right. It is possible in these circumstances that the person will come back at you and say that is exactly what I meant. Then you know where you stand with them, and can tell them that you are sorry to hear they feel that way as it has hurt you greatly.
But I think it is much more likely that you will get an apology along with an explanation. You will end up turning the tables on them, and make them feel badly for emotionally damaging you. Which to me, is the way they should feel.
Be brave. When you get hurt by anyone's comments let them know so that their wounds don't have time to fester and build resentment. Better to handle it at once than to let it slide.
At least that is MHO.
Take care, BB

i have a very difficult time with people's opinions also. i think it's about trying not to take it personally. sometimes other people's criticisms and opinions are more about their own issues. i'm trying to learn to think about other people's opinions/criticisms like negative thoughts - are they true? and if they are, what can i learn from them?
however, i do agree that if something hurtful is said, you have to address it to let the other person know that you don't deserve to be spoken to that way.

Pen and paper. When the negative self talk default is in operation, I sit and write out affirmations. Most negative self - talk is a tissue of lies.

The fact is, we are all the product of a creator who made only good stuff.

For me, my own critic and the ones outside my skin became the same. I don't take in what other people say, so I don't have to take it on.

I had to learn this; it was not easy; but it works!!!

Wow, u guys r the greatest..... Thx so much 4 all yer replies
Sounds like i struck a nerve.... Although im very sorry that u all have experienced such hurtful experiences, am also glad to hear others have experienced the same thing.
Yah, i dont really feel like i could say anything to her... She watches my kids for free while im working and does so much for us, and she gave me life and all... So i feel it would he disrespectful & ungrateful to her.
@BobCJ... I ike the idea od writing affirmations to combat those negative thoughts, ill have to talk to my therapiat about this...
Anyway...u guys r such a great support. So grateful I am part of this compassionate & caring community *luvs*

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt

I have a mood disorder that is related to hormonal changes as well as the two others, so I can only do this when rational BUT

If I respect the person or if I can *reframe* the criticism as a learning experience, then I do so.

If the person is like my older siblings in some way, then often, I can use the same coping skills as I use with them and learn to like the person or to connect with them.