You are not too messed up for friends. Sometimes a friendship can just be toxic... Do you know what I mean? Such as, for instance, fighting constantly, feeling judged by the other person, etc. etc. It's just not healthy, and we're all here trying to obtain a healthy mindset. It sounds like you have learned from the experience you had with him, and for that I'm really glad. Turn it into a learning experience, instead of trying to live in the past. (:

I can't really explain or define hope, I wish I could. I have a lot of hope that I'll become a better person, slowly but surely.. For instance:

For me, my biggest hope, would be to get through the grief of my significant others suicide.

I hope that I'm able to find happiness that others seem so easy to find.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

I get what you're saying and I don't disagree with you. It's just difficult when people are so close for long and then things go bad and you don't really know how it gets to that point. You try to best to fix things and somehow everything you say blows up in your face. It's hard not getting in that mindset that somehow I'm too messed up because it wasn't good enough despite best intentions, efforts, and all the good that was shared over an extended period of time. But I know it takes two and I'm not the first person to be shoved away and I won't be the last. And I know it can be difficult when we're both highly sensitive. All I can do is learn from the positive and move forward.

i've lost my hope...it used to be in god...but it is not anymore...i lost that connection with god and with it i lost my hope...my peace ...my joy...everything...is just gone...

i have not stopped believing god i just dont have that connection that i used to have...

i am lost...

This is just from an outsiders perspective...

As best as your intentions were, maybe they felt the need to leave the situation all together to better themselves, too? - as you said, both of you are highly sensitive people and things kept getting blown up. We're all trying to work on ourselves, to be happier people, and to gain healthy relationships.. If they felt the need to leave, that should be respected, and most definitely learned from in a positive manner when moving forward with your life.

I wish you the best.

I completely agree. I would not want someone to remain in a relationship they are unhappy in. I also do not want a relationship with someone who does not want one with me.

For me, I just simply try to figure out what went wrong so the same mistakes are not repeated in the future.

Then of course sometimes it's simply hard not to get in that depressed mood of wondering is there something wrong with me. Also the hurt when (or when you think) a friendship that means something ended. I am sure you can relate as you went through those feelings in your own thread. I 100% relate to everything you said. Take what you went through and imagine how it feels when you were so close to someone and knew them for over a year and then it ends. And imagine when those feelings are held against you.

Yes, sometimes it is for the best, but that doesn't mean we can't and don't feel even when it is for the best. We can still hurt and mourn while learning from mistakes and trying to work on our own wellness.

I kinda resent the fact that feeling somehow means you don't respect someones wishes or you are unable to move on. If people cry over someone they barely know then what do you expect when a long term friendship ends? A parade?

Dear Blue,

You have been so blessed by having that person cross your path in life, and don't think for a moment it wasn't Heaven sent. God does work his miracles in some strange ways, doesn't He. With both of you crossing paths in this life, you both came out of the relationship a slightly different person. Even though it didn't work out, you have continued to have hope by keeping that tiny mustard seed embedded in your heart, that gift from God that you hold onto as your ray of hope for a better you and (hopefully) a better world.

I have had hope as far back as I can remember. I am a hopeless optimistic. Hope is forever looking forward to a time when things go my way, and I can feel joyful and able to give of myself to others because I have an abundance of love to share.

May God bless you and keep you in His loving arms from now and throughout eternity.

Your friend,

Karen

Haha, definitely no parades being made in this situation. No, I totally understand where you're coming from - please don't get me wrong. Nothing I have said was to hurt you, so I hope it didn't come across as that. I understand how you feel. I've been through it as well, many many times before. It's hard to lose anyone you feel close to, but in all reality, it happens more often then we'd like.

I think in the case of a long-term friendship that ends, maybe things were building over time for them to make this decision? As hard as it is, I don't think a close friendship can just end out of the blue - but alas, I could be wrong. I don't entirely know the situation, but I have looked at prior posts of yours and wonder if this is the same person that you've spoken about prior? If so, it seems like you two have been having issues before it came to an end?

Maybe just give yourself a breather, and concentrate on yourself a bit more. It sounds like you've been doing things to better yourself, so don't let this become something that holds you back from achieving what you're set out to do. You have a long life ahead of you, and you seem like a very strong person. I'm rooting for ya. (:

I lost god for a long time. But I found him again when I was in the emergency room. I also have trouble keeping friends because sometimes friendships are one sided. I literally only have one friend that I email once or twice a month. I gave up on all of my phone and occasional meet and greet friends when I stopped driving my truck two years ago. What I've found out is that a lot of friends do not stick around once you are suffering from medical issues. Don't feel bad about the lost friendship. Brush yourself off and try again. You are worthy of friendship. You are a special and unique individual and we are all your friend in here!

Hope is knowing that I'm willing to work hard, to work through whatever I may be going through.

It's a tough journey,, my struggle was long ago, now I just deal with anxiety spirals. When I had my particular war with hope and despair, it was actually helping other people that began my path back out of it. It doesn't seem like that is even possible but I'm here to tell you it sure is. I'm not really sure how it works but it does.

HOPE

...oooh. this can be a tough one for us depressives. I must say I have experienced more hopelessness than I would think one could weather. I am not a religious person, and am unsure how I feel about GOD,,,,but I have recently found hope thru recovery.
I did a week of rehab for alcohol, and have been going to AA meetings, and their program is very powerful and full of hope. It talks about a higher power, which doesnt have to mean jesus or anything,.,,it could mean your future sober self, a healthier tomorrow, the people and friends in the AA meeting rooms who are so kind and loving and willing to help a fellow person who is in trouble.
So Im grateful because I have rediscovered hope. Hope that i can make it thru another day, hope for tomorrow's brighter dawn, hope for being able to handle situations and problems which used to baffle me, hope for changing my once toxic behavior,,,,

....I just HOPE i can hang on to this feeling ;)

Aphrodisiac,

I didn't think you were trying to hurt me, but it's just that this is not the first time that it has been implied that hurting over the end of long friendship is somehow abnormal. If it's not abnormal to cry over someone known for a nanosecond, then how is it abnormal to mourn the end of something that was much deeper? For the record, no I don't think it is abnormal to cry over a friend you haven't known long. I think it's human and everything said sounds like things I would say/feel. It is also also human to run through various emotions when at one point you were best friends.

*sigh* I don't know how or if I should answer. I will say this. I have noticed a pattern where someone has a tendency to find something that bugs them about another person. Instead of talking to the person they have an issue with, said issue gets ignored until frustration and anger mounts and communication is suddenly cut off.

Now when you've been someone's closest friend, supported them, encouraged them, complimented them. Generally did everything you could to help them, make them feel appreciated, and let them know that someone cares about them. Then suddenly contact is cut off without being made aware of said issue (until much later) it appears to be out of no where.

Also when I say pattern, I am talking about multiple people have been treated this way. I just happen to be the closest friend that had this happen to them.

I am not saying this to bash or talk about how bad someone is. It is quite the opposite in my mind. I truly believe these extreme reactions is a part of depression. If you are aware of the concept of cognitive distortions this is what I think it is.

Cognitive distortions are something all of us suffering with depression experience. They tend to magnify things ten fold and things until they are way blown out of proportion. One of the reasons why I think this is a cognitive distortion (the depression speaking) because generally people don't simply cut off contact when something bugs them about a good friend without talking it out. Also, some of things that "bug" them are not things people end friendships over or would even bug most people. I'm not necessarily speaking myself, but the pattern.

So I believe(d) it was a part of the depression and things could be ironed out since I believe they are generally a good person. Then you try to talk things out to deal with the previous anger issue so it does not happen again. Then it is met with anger, defensiveness, and words are twisted to be much worse than you intended. Again it feels out of no where when that is not the person you've known for so long.

So yeah you could say things were building, but when you believe it is the depression speaking and anger issues are being dealt with you tend to think it would work out in the end. Perhaps that is naive, but when you believe in the goodness in someone it tends to be surprising.

I am certainly not perfect and yes I suffer from cognitive distortions. When things suddenly end or certain things are said there is a tendency to wonder what is wrong with you and jump to conclusions. That is not good either. It takes two and I'm not saying I couldn't have done things differently.

I just fail to see how it is wrong to want to talk through issues. After all we know what happens when you don't.


I don't know how my post about hope turned into analyzing what happened with my friendship.

Thank you, Karen. That was beautiful. I think you are right.

I think it turned into analyzing your friendship because it's an easier subject than finding hope.

Reading your OP actually gave me some hope. I recently went through a very similar situation with a man I met last summer. He opened my eyes to a lot of my problems, and at the very end helped net figure out what I need to do. Unfortunately, he left me just when I needed his strength to do it.

I'm starting to believe that he didn't come into my life to spend forever with me, he just showed up long enough to teach me a few things, and now it's time for someone else, or maybe finally myself, to take over from here. Thinking that seems to take some of the sting out of the breakup.

Sometimes hope shows up in the strangest places.

Thanks for sharing GaneshaGirl. That is a very good perspective!