Hey there.  There's so much that I've been through and still am going through that I guess I sort of block it out.  So a lot of it is outside of my conscious awareness most of the time.  I convince myself I'm just tired, or bored, or angry.  But now that I'm conscious of it once more, I can say that I feel hollow inside, like whatever's supposed to be there is no longer there.  It hasn't been for years and I just got used to it.  The isolation doesn't help I'm sure, but it's hard to find people who understand, even harder to find people who care.  People need people, we're social animals, that's the constant refrain.  If that is so, I wonder why people act intentionally to hurt others, ostracize and mock those who violate perceived norms, gossip and sabotage the success of others for self-serving purposes.  In the face of that I'd rather just be alone.  Even though it hurts and I still long for the company of others.  Even if it's as harmful as smoking 20 cigarettes or whatever the surgeon general said, it's less painful than being stabbed in the back by someone you would've severed limbs for.  Less painful than being in the presence of fake superficial narcissists who only care about appearances and clout.  Who only pay you any attention if they think you're useful to them, or they can get something out of you, or make themselves look better by being associated with you.  Compared to that, being isolated seems more like sanity than the insanity the world tries to pass off as normalcy.  Makes me want to just live like a hermit in a cave or a forest (exaggeration), but just away from people and all this bs.  I've felt this way for so long and they're all of a sudden calling loneliness a crisis, I wonder why that is.  Whatever.  I don't see an end to this, and suicide's a no go since I believe in reincarnation.  What's the point if I just end up back here in a different form.  Hard to see a point in anything really, idk.  Just figured I'd ramble for a bit to get some of this off my mind.