I'm glad you posted because I care and you are not blowing anything out of proportion. You're in pain, it's ok to not be ok. But you are reaching out and that is a huge huge huge step in the right direction. Im proud of you. Maybe medication and therapy would help you. I meditate and listen to music also as well which helps. I drink tea before bed and that calms me down also. I'm sorry you're struggling. Feel free to message me anytime

I started taking antidepressants in March and they do help a little bit but they really just distance myself from my problems and to be honest make me not feel like myself. I don't know if it's just that I don't think I deserve to be happy or it physically doesn't not allow me to feel sadness. I do have a therapist that I'm trying to work things through but it's difficult when you have so many problems that you can't tackle all at once.

I know what you mean, oh honey... I know it's hard and it seems it will drag on forever. But in life just when you get knocked down low as you can get, there will be something there to rebuild your life. I hit rock bottom so so so many times with zero hope. I've overdosed 7 times.... the last overdose I nearly died I had 24 hours left..... I've made plans after plans since this July when I took 92 pills with alcohol.... including this morning.... But a miracle happened today... I decided I don't want to live this way, there is hope, people do care, I need to try or I might miss out on something wonderful. It's not my time, it is not yours either. You're here, talking, that shows fight left in you. You have a purpose, you just have to find out what that is. I'm with you. Hang in there. Life Is rough but you are a warrior. I've got you I won't let you fall. Please please please feel free to message me anytime please. I really care I really do

Thank you, that means a lot.

Hello, Thank you for your post and it’s greatly appreciated and you are doing the right thing. I appreciate your effort and reaching out for help. I commend you on being a college student and your successes. It’s understandable, that anxiety and depression can be difficult; I admire your strength and you have been fighting this. I am very sorry that your depression has lead to self-harm I would like for you to do this 1) have someone you trust to remove/discard anything that would hurt or harm you. 2) Make a contact list of those close to you names and phones call these people when you feel anxious and depressed to help you prevent self-harm as well. 3) I want you to call either of these numbers the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It’s a 24- hour confidential hotline. They can talk to you when you feel this way and help with preventive measures. Also, you can call; The Samaritans it’s a 24-hour confidential hotline at (212) 673-3000. They help through anything. Hugs and we are here for you! Lastly, I have some coping that will help prevent self- harm. Please don’t punch walls; I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Refer to the release tension below there are things you can punch listed.
Coping Techniques – paint, journal, write song or poem of how you feel, write down negative feelings then rip up paper, listen to music
Calm yourself- take a hot shower, pet or cuddle with dog or cat, massage your neck, hands and feet
If you feel disconnected or numb- call a friend (talk about anything), take a cold shower, hold ice cube in the crook of your arm or leg, chew something very strong such as, peppermint or grape fruit peel
Release Tension- exercise such as, dance, run, hit punching bag, punch a cushion or mattress or scream into pillow, squeeze a stress ball or squish play-doh or clay, rip something (paper or magazine), make noise (play instrument, bang on pots and pans)
Substitute for cutting- use a red felt tip pen to mark where you usually cut, rub ice across your skin where you usually cut and put rubber bands on wrists, arms legs and snap them instead of cutting or hitting

>>Recently my depression has gotten worse and it has made me go to self harm which I never thought I was going to do. I keep punching my walls until my knuckles swell to let out the anger I feel.

This self harm stuff .... ts sure seems popular now days .. particularly with young people. I don't know why ... vaccines? NAH. Fluoride? NAH. I don't know WHAT is causing it. Family Breakdown? I just don't know, ... but I do know it makes no sense to me to pour gasoline on a fire. Guess I have to accept it .. whether I understand it or not.

Back in the mid 80's .. I, out of anger, punched a solid wood door .. on its edge. Pretty much exploded my right hand ... broke almost every bone from the knuckles to the wrist. Have not done that since. I learned something from it. 5 hours of surgery, 8 weeks in a cast, and a year in physical therapy. Makes NO sense to me now.

Anyway ...

>>The anxiety has been a part of my life for so long I don't remember I time where I wasn't anxious.

Lay this on your therapist heavily. Anxiety, depression, etc are TREATABLE and you are apparently not getting effective treatment. Yours MAY be a DISORDER which will VERY LIKELY require medication ... and that, in and of itself is tricky. Getting the medication JUST RIGHT for you ... and that takes a 'prescribing doctor'. Even he/she has to do some experimenting to get it just right for you.

>>I don't know what to do to be honest. I don't know why I'm even posting here because I know people suffer far worse than me and I'm probably just blowing this all out of proportion.

Nah. Self harm is serious stuff. We are here to help people not suffer. We do our best.

You are too young to spend your life like this. You have a long road and should not spend the entire trip like this.

1. Stop pouring gas on the fire.
2. Get REAL personal with your therapist explaining the severity of all this.
3. Accept that you will (probably) need medication AND that is doable but doesn't happen with a first dose. Get a referral to a prescribing MD and WORK with him/her intensely to get the right med. at the right dose. It MAY TAKE A WHILE, but feedback to the prescriber will get you there.

This mental state is costing you DEARLY and COULD get worse and last you the rest of your life. It CAN be treated .... so waste little time.

Good luck, to you and avail yourself to DS as much as you wish. You are entirely welcome here.