Sorry ...I've been away from my mom for maybe 30 hours at the most and I am not looking forward to going back ...i'm just so frustrated...

Sorry you are feeling, well, er..... so black??

Sounds like you are a good person for doing this, but getting "caregiver" burnout. Even an outgoing person can be drained by being the only person caring for someone elderly.

I don't think being alone with your depression is the answer. Maybe this difficult task is really pushing you to move and do stuff. It may feel HORRID!! But you do it and that is something to celebrate. Well, maybe not celebrate - but at least give yourself a pat on the back, a few kudos and maybe a break?

First of all, let me say I commend you for caring for your mother. As the years pass, you will be glad that you did. This woman gave you life and regardless of what type relationship you and her have, I believe you will be glad you helped her, in the long run.

As for you wanting to be alone. This is the depression talking. Depression is an isolator, It causes us to withdraw from people, friends, situations and we spend our time hashing things over in our minds, over and over again. Been there, done that.

The best thing you can do is to do your best to take control of this depression by fighting it. Go places, see things, go shopping, keep your mind focused on other things. Take whatever break time you can away from your mother and make the best of this time then, go back and do what is needed for your mom.

Working through and dealing with depression is not easy,. It is a fight. Just remember that isolation is depressions best company and these will both work against you. I will be praying for you.

I agree with the others. Depression isolates us. For some reason it makes us want to be all alone in our misery.

So maybe having to take care of your mother is what your depression needs right now. Is there any way you can make taking care of her easier on yourself? Like, can you find something fun to do while with her, or at least on the way to or from visiting her?

Also, I was the only child (out of three) who took care of my mother at the end. I am so glad I did it. I KNOW I did the best I could do, and that is a very satisfying feeling.

Whenever I'd go visit her, I'd make sure to bring along a book to read, or a game to play (by myself because my mother wasn't able to play). That way, if my mother was sleeping, I was still able to be with her and to keep my mind occupied. Also, I'd often stop and get something nice to eat on the way home...that was a treat for me to look forward to.

We have to fight our depression. It's tough, but necessary. Try to NOT isolate yourself. You will only feel worse. Get out. Look for pleasant things in your surroundings. Smile at people. You can feel better.

I wish you well. I hope your mother starts to feel better.

(hugs) first I think its totally admirable helping taking care of your mother, when you are not doing so well yourself, You should be very proud of yourself, most people wouldn't.

Second, I am really sorry that you are feeling so dark and gloomy right now. if you ever just need to talk, feel free to message, and I'll be here and respond as soon as I get the message.

*hugs*

-Country.

You are allowed to have your feelings and thoughts, no matter what they are. I too take care of my mother to some degree. I think she mostly does it to play the sympathy card and poor me. Amazing what she can do when I'm not around. Is there no-one that can take some of this care giving off of your back and give you a break? I hope you are not feeling guilty for how you are feeling. You are allowed to have those feelings, guilt free.