Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi All,
I joined this community to get some advice on how to help my depressed spouse. Depression is very common on his mother's side of the family and he was diagnosed with depression in his teenage years.
Eight years ago when I met my husband he was in a really bad place in his life. He was sad, angry and had no self confidence whatsoever. I decided to dedicate myself to him fully and slowly I was able to make him see the real person that he is. He was greatful for this because nobody ever in his life was able to make him feel this way.
In the last eight years there have been bouts of sadness, depression and anger that have plagued him on and off. Never abandoning him for a second I helped him pull through these times.
For the last year or so he has fallen back into a vicious cycle of depression and anger. For months he did nothing except work and play video games for hours. He also has become quite distant with me. This is quite hurtful to me and I also feel very lonely.
Recently he said to me that he no longer loves me (does not know why) and wants a divorce. The ironic part of this is even though the last eight years have been tough especially on me our marriage has always been wonderful.
I can count on one hand how many discussions
(not fights) we have had in the last 8 yrs. We never cheated, intentionally hurt one another or disrespected each other ever.
Our families get along great. My parents treat him lke a son. I also love my in-laws and respect them dearly. My husband is a wonderful man and I love him dearly. I have supported him fully for the last 8 years and will continue to do so for the next 80.
I have spoken to other people that deal with depression/relationships in their lives and most of them told me that always hurt the ones they love the most because it was safe to do so.
Also, many of them divorced their spouses thinking it would make them happier. Later to find out that they were sabotaging the only happy part of their lives to feed into thier depression.
I guess the advice I am asking for is how to get him back emotionally. I really really miss him :( I have tried everything I know but nothing seems to help.
I have mentioned getting professional help and he won't even think of it. He's been down that route before and he says it did not help.
Sorry this post is long. I would really appreciate your advice because unfortunately the majority of you here deal with this awful disease. Thank you very much!
Posted on 01/10/08, 01:01 pm
I joined this community to get some advice on how to help my depressed spouse. Depression is very common on his mother's side of the family and he was diagnosed with depression in his teenage years.
Eight years ago when I met my husband he was in a really bad place in his life. He was sad, angry and had no self confidence whatsoever. I decided to dedicate myself to him fully and slowly I was able to make him see the real person that he is. He was greatful for this because nobody ever in his life was able to make him feel this way.
In the last eight years there have been bouts of sadness, depression and anger that have plagued him on and off. Never abandoning him for a second I helped him pull through these times.
For the last year or so he has fallen back into a vicious cycle of depression and anger. For months he did nothing except work and play video games for hours. He also has become quite distant with me. This is quite hurtful to me and I also feel very lonely.
Recently he said to me that he no longer loves me (does not know why) and wants a divorce. The ironic part of this is even though the last eight years have been tough especially on me our marriage has always been wonderful.
I can count on one hand how many discussions
(not fights) we have had in the last 8 yrs. We never cheated, intentionally hurt one another or disrespected each other ever.
Our families get along great. My parents treat him lke a son. I also love my in-laws and respect them dearly. My husband is a wonderful man and I love him dearly. I have supported him fully for the last 8 years and will continue to do so for the next 80.
I have spoken to other people that deal with depression/relationships in their lives and most of them told me that always hurt the ones they love the most because it was safe to do so.
Also, many of them divorced their spouses thinking it would make them happier. Later to find out that they were sabotaging the only happy part of their lives to feed into thier depression.
I guess the advice I am asking for is how to get him back emotionally. I really really miss him :( I have tried everything I know but nothing seems to help.
I have mentioned getting professional help and he won't even think of it. He's been down that route before and he says it did not help.
Sorry this post is long. I would really appreciate your advice because unfortunately the majority of you here deal with this awful disease. Thank you very much!
Posted on 01/10/08, 01:01 pm
I find family can't help.
You need to wait it out or let him go.
He will need a doctor or a friend to help him.
Nice that your sticking it out as long as you have.
You must love him.
He might be letting you go as he loves you so much he wants you to have a better life.
There is always much more to a story and two sides.
I can relate, because in a lot of ways I am like your husband. My wife tried her best to support me the best she could, but nothing she did was ever good enough, because the problem was with me and not her.
I looked at my life and decided that NOTHING was working. I changed jobs, moved, did my hair different, changed underwear, everything. But was still depressed. Finally, I looked at my wife and thought, "Well, she's the only thing I haven't changed...maybe If I leave her I would feel better." What I finally have come to understand is that no one will be able to fix me unless I fix myslef. She can support me, but not fix me. And, I realized that she's one of the only people who WILL support me, despite the fact that I pushed her away.
My wife is my best friend. I forgot that for a while. Hopefully, your husband will remember as well.
Peace,
DougHuff
Maybe you could get him on here?
We're no pro's but with have a wealth of experience!