Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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SocalStarfish 07/04/2008

I am just beside myself. I am a single mom and what used to be a loving relationship with my son has turned into something I don't recognize. His perception of who I am is so distorted and he looks for every avenue to argue with me, hurt my feelings, and yell. I see a lot of anger in him. I really don't know how to deal with him any longer. I don't believe drugs or alcohol are involved. I have tried to have less contact with him to avoid arguments, but I never know what will set him off and then he blames me. He doesn't see his behavior or take any responsibility for it. I'm at my wits end. I find myself upset and crying after interactions with him. Any suggestions would be helpful on how to deal with this.

deleted_user 07/04/2008

don't know what the laws are there,but since he is 18 and if he is not a threat to you ,others or himself probally not alot you can do for him,you can try therapy for you maybe to help you deal and understand some of what is going on......hugs to you and good luck!

ThePepperMan 07/04/2008

It is hard to know what to say besides "that must hurt".

Do you have any mutual friends that do not receive his anger? A coach, teacher, minister, who ever. They may have a view of him that you do not, and such a view may help you understand.

Is there any common theme in what he says?

I do not mean to suggest that you "take his side", but rather do what ever you can to understand his side. Could you get him to go to some family therapy?

In any event, I wish you lots of luck.

ps, can you find an activity you two can do that has no stress? That may help to build a bridge. Such an activity can involve no complaining about each other for it to work!

deleted_user 07/04/2008

I can tell you that my sister took her child to counceling and it helped a great deal. Maybe try that. My children are still young and I am not looking forward to the teenage years at all. Most times it is something he is going through and taking it out on you because you are safe for him, though not right and very disrespectful indeed. Have you tried having a heart to heart talk with him and asking him what all is going on in his life? Without blame and saying how he treats you but just talking to him? Hugs to you and I'm sorry you are going through this.

deleted_user 07/04/2008

i went through this with my eldest. i think a lot do. harmones peer pressure and the influence of friends play their part. im happy to say hes now 23 and a total opposite of what he was at 18-20. you keep your chin up hun, things will sort themselves out im sure. big hugs xxx

deleted_user 07/04/2008

Yes, my son went through it at 17. Try to find the things that trigger his anger and steer clear. When you see he is in a mellow mood, take that opportunity to reconnect. Try not to take it too personally. Let him know that you demand respect however, and if he can't give it, time for him to move out. My son is 25 now and for the most part I couldn't ask for better.

repoman1 07/04/2008

I agree with counseling it may help My son is 18 and is showing signs of bi polar witch scares me to death it is a family curse for us so what i am saying is it could be so many things that the professionals should look at my heart goes out to you hun come and post and get some support for you also HUGS

deleted_user 07/04/2008

Maybe important to add since I see you are a single parent, that a lot of my sons anger was because of his father, not being a father and being overly critical. I think he was frustrated and knew it did no good to talk to his dad, so unfortunately I got it sometimes. My son and I kind of both knew where it was coming from and that helped to deal with it. Try to find the source.

SocalStarfish 07/04/2008

He's tried therapy in the past, but now says it's a waste of money and he won't say anything to the therapist. I honestly don't know what sets him off. He got upset with me today because I wouldn't pay for his gas. He has a very rocky relationship with his father and they are not close at all. He doesn't confide in his father. I've tried and have had heart-to-heart conversations with him, but he's very closed off. I hadn't thought about seeking therapy for myself, that may be a good idea.

deleted_user 07/04/2008

it will teach you ways to cope or even approach him,like pepper said,do something to build a bridge......

deleted_user 07/04/2008

A lot of control issues going on or has been going on. I bet two quarters that neither of you really know how to do a comfortable relationship... that includes you. Look into counseling. Here in Michigan as well as other States, have community parent / child classes where learning to do relationships is the main criteria.

RICHARD

SocalStarfish 07/04/2008

There are control issues. I can't even calmly suggest anything to him without him saying he's being attacked. We always had a great relationship until the end of last year when he turned 18.

deleted_user 07/04/2008

I had the same problem with my eldest...we took a drive downtown and I showed him the street bums...told him show respect or you will be there tomorrow.

deleted_user 07/04/2008

LOL great approach Gonzo, and you got to let them know you are serious.

deleted_user 07/04/2008

he got home and his bags were packed my his mother.

SocalStarfish 07/04/2008

LOL, I like that.

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