i'm so sorry that you have to go through what you mom does to you. i agree with him, nobody deserves to be treated horribly by their mother. she's supposed to unconditionally love & mentor you. that's just not ok, in any situation. it sounds like she's maybe verbally abusing you? & abusing you in other ways? i briefly cut in my past due to abuse by my mother. there's just something about abusive mothers that get under your skin. does it feel like you need to express how her abuse gets under your skin? i know i did. i also hurt myself b/c i didn't want to become my abuser and abuse people like her. it's really hard to not become like your mother, your main teacher.

& you have to do something to express the pain of your abuses. have you thought about writing poetry? or getting a tattoo? or just writing on your skin? or a body piercing? or drawing butterflies on your arms & legs? i stopped cutting by a combo of things. i wrote poetry, which i then began writing poetry on my skin. then i got a body piercing. i learned from friends who were in college (back in the 1990's) that physical abuse & verbal abuse were communicated with other abuse survivors by tattoos. sexual abuse & psychological abuse were communicated by body piercings. it's an abuse survivor community thing for us older folks. we didn't have much social media support back then. we recognized each other by our choices of how we don't hurt others sometimes, & instead choose to hurt ourselves. but tattoos, piercings and body mods are much safer than cutting. when i was on tumblr and livejournal years ago, i made friends who were cutters and former cutters. they taught me to draw butterflies on my skin. every time you want to cut, draw a butterfly on your skin where you want to cut. then take a pic w/your phone & post it on tumblr. i think people still do that?

i also have met people on twitter who are one of us. have you ever thought to try to share your pain on any social media? i've been on tumblr (i know it's known for the porn, but it has great support) for over a decade, and i've met so many great abuse survivors who are currently being abused. it's hard to endure the abuse, when no one will save you and you can't get out. i know, my mother abused me for decades & i couldn't get out. social media gave me an emotional way out until i could get out. i don't know, i just think you deserve to vent your feelings somewhere.

you totally deserve the support and mentoring your mom isn't giving you. you do deserve more than shit, b/c your mother is shit. i know the depression board here is quiet. but the ptsd forum on here has more people.

you deserve to get out, sweetie. it's hard, it's scary, it's unknown, & the life you have to live is just so depressing at times that you can't muster up the energy to make such a huge change. but if you don't, your mother's abuse can get worse. it can always get worse. & trust me, it doesn't end in you dying. you're young, they're always jealous of your youth & taut skin. she would never want you dead. just tortured and too miserable to get away from her. the only way to hold onto your internet and your basic quality of life is to get a job & get out safely, sweetie. i'm so so sorry. you deserve safety & normal. i'm so sorry.

sorry to ramble. i'm old. have you thought of communicating on the ptsd board here? this board is a dead zone sometimes. but there's always tons of people communicating on the ptsd board. i don't know why. years ago the depression board here had tons of support. now they're all on the ptsd board. trends. what can you do? i spend more time on the ptsd board, if you wanna check it out.

i really hope you can find the friends you deserve on here & other social media. i know tumblr is also great for easily making friends who are being treated horribly by parents. seriously, follow a few, post a little, and they start coming out of the woodwork.

you are an amazing, brave, intelligent, strong person for reaching out. i'm so sorry for going on and on. i promise i have good boundaries & won't stalk you, lol. i just have chronic fatigue syndrome. give your best friend a huge hug, ok? he's gold star material, and so are you. you choose well.

Hi- I'm very sorry you have to go through emotional pain because of your mother.
I pray that things will get better in your relationship with her and you will stop harming yourself.

Please take care of yourself, God bless.