None of us can make the decision for you, I wish though that it were that easy.

Have you made up a list of the pluses and minuses associated with each option you have? Perhaps even making separate lists for emotional responses versus logical responses.

Who in real life is helping you with this decision?

Huge hugs

You have to think about whats best for you both. If your not capable of OR comfortable with taking care of her then its in both your best interest for her to be somewhere were she can be taken care of. Maybe its only a temporary thing like rehab and they can get her back up and walking and able to be more mobile on her own. Another option would be to get her a scooter of some sort and then she could stay sitting and be more mobile.

Look for help and ask her Doctors. Maybe they can get some in home health care to help you out too. There are a few options out there so please don't get so hard on yourself.

I am going to give you a little tuff LOVE here. My brother took his own life. The amount of people that are forever scared, because of it is tremendous. Not to mention that both my parents died from broken hearts within a year after. So please stop thinking about death. I know its easy for me to say , because I am not in your situation right now, but I have been in it before and I had to put my mother into a home after my dad died, because I had to work and take care of my boys and I had no one left to help with anything. I could not bear the weight on my own of trying to do everything.

You need to think about your own health too and be honest with yourself about how much you can actually do!

I am here to help all I can !

Pepper, I don't have anyone to help me with this decision. It's all on me. I think that's what makes it harder. I have no one to back me up and tell me I am making the right decision.

Hi Scott, I am comfortable with taking care of my mom. I am just afraid it won't work out since my mom gets afraid to stand up and afraid to walk. I feel like I won't know what to do if she gets stuck in a chair or on the toilet or in bed because her fear takes a hold of her. But right now I feel like I have to try because she doesn't deserve to be in a home due to a fear of falling. I know she would be fine at home if we had help. The problem is we may not get any help for months.

Well the best advice I can give you is try to get help. I was terrified of what to do with my mom after my dad died and I had no choice , but to put her in a home. She could have taken care of her self , but she refused to , because she lost the will to live after my brothers suicide and my fathers death. I too was all alone to make the decisions and take care of everything. I leaned on the Dr.'s and made them help me with finding the right home for her. Sadly to say she only lived another month after my father passed and I was burying the fourth member of my family in 15 months time.

I know you can do it. Talk to her Dr.'s before her release and see if you can get her some in home care to help you out. :) Even if its someone else taking care of her for an hour or so then you can have a break. :)

My heart goes out to you!
I wish I had better advice. :(

Thank you. Your advice is very good. My mom doesn't have a doctor so because she always refused to go so it makes it even more difficult of a decision, but I have a list of doctors that make housecalls.

I suddenly had this strong conviction that bringing my mom home is the right choice. I pray I am right.

My mother recently had to make this tough decision regarding my grandmother. My parents did everything they could to keep her out of a nursing home but in the end they had to put her in one. There was no way she could receive adequate care at home. I know my mother feels guilty but at the same time knows she did what was best for my grandmother. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. So many people are going through this so know that you are not alone.

Sweetie,
I know how difficult this must be for you and you've gotten food advice. I don't know what else to add other than what I have written to you so far, but if you feel like the best decision right now is for you to bring her home, then I think you need to do what brings you the most peace right now and I pray it works out for you and your mom. I hope you can get her whatever assistance that can help as far as a walker or wheelchair or as Scott suggested an electric scooter to alleve some of her fears . I would think insurance would cover something?
I would also keep pushing and going through whatever channels you need to to try to get some in home care for her.
You know I am praying for y'all . Love you xoxo

LMT

I am very happy that you found a solution that works for you now.

Please allow yourself to revisit this decision as time passes and you have more experience to draw upon.

Keep posting (especially in the caring or aging parents group!) about how things are going! That is a good way to get support and to help you vent!

Continuing hugs

I replied to your question in CFAP's and would like to say again that I think maybe the two of you should check out all of the homes in your area and see if your mom would enjoy being with people her age and would actually feel safe in one of them, and in turn, you wouldn't have to feel guilty or take on more than you are capable of doing on your own. I can understand why you are fearful of this idea but it won't hurt to at least check them out together. Extra Hugs GB

BEING IN A NURSING HOME IS NO FUN.....................................
BUT OVEREXTENDING YOURSELF ISNT EITHER...............................
U WILL B THE ONE WHO DECIDES IN THE END...........................
U KNOW HOW MUCH STRESS U CAN HANDLE.
MAY B THE LORD WILL RAPTURE U BOTH B4 U HAVE 2 DECIDE......
GBU
DB
;-O

A nursing home is not the worse thing in the world. I work in a nursing home. Residents who go into them with a bad outlook will get exactly what they think they will. The residents who thrive are the ones who have learned to stay positive in any circumstance. All they are is mini apartments where you can bring in your own furniture, decor as many personal items as will fit. They make their own decisions regarding care, some have mini refrigerators. Housecleaning ,laundry and dietary department as well as nurses, aids doctors, activity assistants. Family is welcome to visit as much as they want. It's selfish for an aging parent to say they don't want to go into one.

Sadst thing is when they get put in there and no one comes to see them nor make sure they have clothing, pajamas, and all the things us humans buy ourselves for comfort. Skincare ,soap. Things a nursing home won't give you.

I have also worked in home healthcare. One woman hired me because I was a friend of a friend of hers. She opted to take care of her mom at home hiring home care aid. This woman wanted me to tie her mother to a wheelchair while I cleaned her home. She stated if all your going to do is take care of my mom then I'm dropping your pay beliw minimum wage. I learned that her choice to pay others was motivated in the state nog taking her mother's money and home. She wasn't fooling me one bit I saw how she treated her mother. It matters what motivates us to do things . She put on a front and acted like she wanted to do it out of love but the real reason was she wanted the assets . Don't be fooled by others

You are between a rock and a hard place, not to be envied. Keep hanging on.

I have a friend who was living with her sister. Her sister was put in hospice care at home. My friend, one of the world's kindest women, has had to change her living situation because taking care of her sister 24/7 has nearly destroyed her. The sister will be with her son, remaining under hospice care. I know this is not the same as your situation. Just remember that any decision can be revised so as to take some pressure off yourself. Deep breaths.

I hope things work out for the best and that you find your peace.
(((((HUGS)))))

heatherhurts

MY MOM DOESNT KNOW WHERE SHE IS AND SHE IS IN A NURSING HOME SAFE AND SOUND WHERE SHE BELONGS AND IS THE BEST PLACE 4 HER.........................
SHE HAS SEVERE ALZHEIMERS.......................
SHE HAS BEEN THERE FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW...................
SHE HAS A UTI.
PRAY 4 HER PLEASE.
GBU
DRENA
;-O