Even in my deepest depression, I would make sure I showered and did my daily hygiene things. I just couldn't not do them....it's a thing.

There are some days, if I know I am not going to the store or whatever I will still get dressed, usually in sweats and a big around the house t-shirt. I won't allow myself to stay in my jammies all day.

I, very very rarely do anything with my hair (like curling it or whatever) or wear makeup, I don't feel the need to do so. I have my hair cut in a way that I can just wash it, comb through it and go about my business. I am satisfied with the way I look, I don't give a flip about what anyone else thinks lol.

There are some days I will say to myself that I don't feel like taking a shower or getting dressed, but I make that thought go away quickly because I know I always feel much better after doing so!

I'm clapping for you, you just can't hear me. I am proud of you hon!!
I don't care how depressed I am, the first thing I do is brush my teeth, brush my hair, and then walk my dog, Anny. Baby steps is exactly right. I have found that no matter how bad I feel, if I stay in my jammies, I feel even worse! But, If I get a shower and put on some decent clothes, I feel much better about myself. In fact, I have never had the entire green face since I've been here on DS and that was back in 2009! So, that is saying a lot for me. Today I had to take Anny in for testing so I showered, fixed my really short hair now, that I love, put on a nice top with some beads, and some kitty earrings to go to the vets. Now I don't know if that is what is making the difference or I'm just blessed to be having my bi-polar moment on the top end... Whatever, I believe that if we look better, we feel better. you are doing a great job. Just keep taking those baby steps and you will have more green faces then red, really!! Another clap for you!! Oh, and one more thing. I am not overweight, (much nicer to say then obese) thank you... Anyway, I am underweight and we underweight can actually look worse then someone that needs to lose a few pounds. I was down to 100 pounds and not by choice and I looked emaciated. Yuk.. I am finally up to 109 after eating just at night and eating non stop until I go to bed. Bad girl, I know but at least I'm eating. So please, don't look in the mirror and feel negative. That is what I did until I got some fat and color in my face again. Yes, your appearance matters, even if you never step out of the house. However, I wish you would take walks around the block. When I had agoraphobia, I walked Anny all around the mobile park where I live, but I would not go out of the park. If you ever want to talk, I'm easy to find. :-) And I'm still proud of you and believe you are going to be okay!!

baby steps is the way to\go
I rarely wear make up and usually let my hair air dry with no assistance to style it.
why not add one thing to your routne at a time, add the lotion in for example rather than overwhelming yourself with a whole long list all at once!

thanks for your thoughtful replies. I appreciate them. I think maybe just the shower in the morning before the hair and teeth would do the trick at getting me into a better space, and then the pajamas would be off and I would need to get clothes on. I will try it. Thanks for the encouragement and not judgment.

I must say, babaqtfoi, in my deepest depression, I could not bring myself to take as good of care of yourself as you did. I hope you are proud of the measure of self-care and self-esteem that you had even in your darkest days.

And, Gramybear, I did just the walk thing today, I walked for 30 minutes around the yard over and over with my dogs and played frisbee with them, it helps.

Scaredandscarred, you are right, overkill is not a good idea, just one thing at a time would make a difference...the shower each morning makes the most sense to feel better...I appreciate that advice.

Why run before you can walk right? :)
Add the shower and you'll find the other things gradually fall into place
I can listen if you ever need to vent
xx

I understand what you are going through I am going through some things right I am trying to make it better but some days are harder than others sometimes days are the worse but always remember this they always say after a storm theres always a ray of sunshine I have to remind myself of this and make it through the day good luck with everything and wish you the best

Always remember that we are not here to judge, we are here to support you. And post whenever you need to.

Thank you for accepting me right where I am. It is humbling to be honest about it. You all give me hope.

Hi. This has been one of my bigger struggles! I can't seem to ever remain consistent. Even though I know I will feel soooo much better if I shower, blowdry my hair and put makeup on there r still days that I barely manage to brush my teeth. I used to get so envious of my coworkers who came to work EVERY day with styled hair and makeup on. I always compared myself to them and would end up feeling inferior to them. I would think to myself "what is wrong with me???? Why can't I can't get my act together??" and then I remember oh yeah....I suffer from a mental illness. I started reminding myself ov this not as an excuse but rather to be more gentle with myself! The key for me was to stop beating myself up and start doing the things I could do. Some days it really is just brushing my teeth. Getting myself entirely ready for the day. ..hair, makeup just makes me feel accomplished. I feel as if I have a finished look which enables me to take on the day that waits ahead of me. I also like the way it distinguishes day from night. I feel like a "normal" person when I implement a day and night regimen. Its not that I am not proud of how I look naturally...it's just nice to look in the mirror to find a woman that has taken care of herself. I too am overweight and grooming is one way that pumps up my self-esteem. All that being said I still find it extremely difficult to get myself ready for the day when I'm having an off day.

I dont know if you struggle with this type of domino affect but I also have perfectionistic patterns that then leave me furthest away from "perfect" it goes something like this...the house is a mess, there is dirty laundry everywhere, I have to pass the dirty cat box to get to get to the laundry room which I'm too tired to clean out, the laundry room is even a disaster, I can barely find what it is that I need to wash because the laundry isn't perfectly seperated so therefore it is all just too overwhelming to take on so therefore I end up with no clean clothes for the next day. If I don't have clean clothes then how can I possibly shower and get fully dressed!! Thus a vicious cycle is created and I don't get dressed for the day which more than likely prevents me from taking care of all the things I mentioned.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a surfer out in the ocean waiting to catch that perfect wave of motivation. I feel helpless in harnessing my own energy to conquer daily life. I am currently working on breaking this thought process. Sorry if thi was a confusing mess of a reply but I really related to your post and felt the need to blab;)

Wishing you the best! Colleen

dear nursecolleen,

i couldn't have said it as well as you did, this is a phenomenon that we both have experienced. last night, I talked with a friend, who admits having the same issue, and she said a mental health worker once explained to her that she abjudicates her body, I am not sure if I got that word right, but she explained to me that she spends more time in thinking and feeling, and is not comfortable being in her body, hence, physical things of action, doing, exercise, grooming, sports are being experienced and not worthy and meaningless. I related to that, too.

And it is a struggle. Today, I colored my hair, took that shower, blow dried my hair, but a dab of make up on, put clean clothes on, and yes, now I feel much better and more able to seize the day. If an opportunity presents itself for fun and discovery, I am ready for it now. Today. But, I have started new grooming regimes and failed before...just taking the shower each morning and putting on day clothes will be a welcome improvement.

But, you said the key, colleen, consistency.... I have a hard time keeping this up on my "off" days. Sometimes, I would get in a new routine and keep it up for 2 or 3 months, but it seems like when emotional waves overwhelm me with uncontainable undesired or uncomfortable feelings, ....there goes the routine.

When I used to work, I experienced feelings of comparing myself to women who took pride in themselves every day, experimented with new styles, spent money on themselves for regular beauty treatments.

I was not brought up by my mom to groom nicely, pamper myself, own nice things. I was brought up that this was vane and frivolous and not important in the scheme of things from my parents' religious standpoint.

I did not have much money for discretionary spending in my youth, so I never found and still don't find lots of value in many beauty products, jewelry, accessories, clothes, etc., I am content being pretty plain, just desire to practice feeling neat and freshly groomed regularly.

But I often did look at girls in my high school or college and women at work who groomed with such meticulous pride, and felt admiration, wishing I had what they had without becoming obsessive or perfectionist about it, though, too.

I have just struggled to have the self-worth in me to feel worthy of that kind of time and attention. Inertia vs. motivation and action are daily challenges for me.

But, I do wish to be clean and neat and presentable and feel proud of being put together as a plain person. I never want to call out attention with clothes or jewelry or funky hair because of my weight and discomfort with my self image.

When I was experiencing the worse days of clinical depression, I was often not even aware of stains on my clothes, disheveled hair, inadequate grooming because I avoided looking in the mirror.
I do remember some unkind comments from people or teasing, and some of them I felt hurt from, and I need to try to let go of the sting of any emotional attachment to unkind words from others about my appearance on days when I really needed compassion instead of criticism.

Thank you for your honesty and sharing of your experience. It helps me not feel so alone in this struggle.

I agree with my friend's therapist about for some reason, not relating to, not connecting to and dissociating from my body, and I think I have been this way all my life that I can remember. I don't understand why I am this way and I struggle with this...I am sure it is related to past hurts and traumas and my upbringing....I have always been far more interested in trying to figure out what is happening to me spiritually and emotionally and get a grip on this to the detriment of being unmindful and neglectful of my physical health. Even though I have known better, I have not had the strength to do better in the past..... I am making progressively improved effort at this point in my life. About 4 years ago, I had a wake up call with chest pain and shortness of breathe and sleep apnea, panic, etc. and realizing I needed to let go of alot of co-dependent behaviors of taking care of everyone else because it was causing me to avoid taking care of myself, which, has been my life pattern....in those 4 years, I have made major strides, but I also see how far I have to go.

I just believe that I need to acknowledge this as a place for improvement for my own well-being and take daily action to be responsible for reparenting myself and helping myself to feel better.

Thank you so much again. I am comforted by your understanding.

I can so relate, It's totally degrading to say, but some days I just don't have the energy to get in the shower, let alone do anything else. On those days that I am having problems, and HAVE to get in the shower because I have an apt or something, It totally wears me out. I feel so weak, and if the shower is too hot I get really faint and breathless. I feel like I have climbed a mountain when I have only just gotten out of bed. On my worst days I go directly back to bed after my shower and can stay there for a couple of days. It's been going on for the last five years and is only getting worse. Because it gets so hard sometimes I own as few clothes/dishes/ and what ever else i need as possible so that when things do pile up, it's not as overwhelming to clean up when my energy lifts. The less I have the better. It's still hard keeping up with things like dusting. Just every day things become impossible when I can barely get out of bed. I also get very confused sometimes. It's sooo hard to take care of bills and paperwork and anything else that takes logical thought. I envy the people who have never reached this kind of low. When I am depressed I don't care about anything, But sometimes I feel this extreme fatigue or what ever it is, and I WANT to clean, or go out or what ever, but I just cant. checking the mail wears me out.
I am overweight, but I have been the same weight many times in my life without the fatigue I have now. It truly is debilitating, and the worst part is that other than looking a little tired, I LOOK fine. People think I'm just being lazy. If they only knew.....

KoKoah, thank you for your honesty in sharing, too.

I agree, I envy those who have never experienced this kind of low LOW. But, it helps to know other have been in our shoes, and are making small progresses in the healthy direction.

I relate that some days, just taking the shower is enough to tire me. It makes me feel abnormal, because a shower seems like it should energize me. Some days, can do that.

I have sleep apnea also, and getting faint, breathless, feeling exhausted, sometimes from the obesity and the depression and sleep apnea, high blood pressure all combined.... I think what a mess I have gotten my entire health into.

But, as I mentioned in some other posts, I used to feel like giving up, but then I still had to live with myself giving up and getting worse. So now, trying to trust that hanging on to hope and taking small steps toward little successes each day, being kind to myself and picking myself up after the not so great days and starting over and over again are the commitment I am trying to make to love myself toward healthier.

Thank you for your honesty, and for validating the frustrating days that many of us experience. I swear, this week, I feel like I am spending probably way too much time on DS, but it is the most empowering, helpful thing in the world to connect with understanding people!

I am going through that now, I am so depressed I don't want to take care of anything, I don't bathe or wash my clothes. I just don't care.

heretic,

I do not judge you. I have walked in those shoes in my darkest days. I hope that today you find one small thing or thought to hang onto to give you hope that there is light inside of you, and that you will find a way to tap back into it again.

Thank you for sharing honestly. I hope you have a better day. Sometimes, we just have to feel what we feel, until we internally get the inspiration and then strength to take an action that will benefit us. When you are ready, you are ready. Until then, I understand what a difficult place we can be in during depressive epidsodes ...it can mentally paralyze us from doing the most simple of tasks.

I hope it gets better for you.

Thank you seeking...

It wasn't always easy. I would sit there and play with the thoughts that it wouldn't kill me not to shower for a day, that it was ok for me to stay in my jammies, that I would just mess with it *tomorrow*....but....the thing that made me push through and shower and dress was because I knew if I let it go for one day, it would be easier and easier to just let it go for 2 days....4 days....a week, etc. I felt like if I could JUST do those things, I'd be alright and feel better and not get on that track of not doing it.

*Hugs* to you all!