You are doing the right thing! Death and grief are respecters of any man or woman. It comes when it does.

Every relationship is different. Some will pass away and it will not even be a blip on your radar and others will pass away and it hits you like a ton of bricks.

Hi, my name isTherese and I am 51. I have lost both sets of grandparents, 6 Aunts and Uncles, 1 cousin, 2 stillborn, my mom, 2 dads, a stepbrother, and my husband so far in my lifetime. I loved my grandfather dearly. He was more of a father to me than my dad. My parents had divorced when I was 5 so my grandparents took me in being the youngest of 7. My grandfathers death hit me very hard. Took me two years to get over/passed.

Hi wife my grandma became my best friend. She lived till 102. I did not grieve but rejoiced at her passing because she had lived so long and was so ready.

My mom, I have moments here or there when as a daughter I wish I could share something with her or ask her opinion and I temporarily feel the pains of grief because I feel like I am missing out. I am a Christian so I believe she isn’t missing out on anything. She is in heaven looking down and no doubt praying for us and praising God.

My dad, cousin, aunts, uncles, stepdad, stepbrother, all the same, not a blip except when I care to share something with them.

My husband however hit me harder than anyone. It left me alone, vulnerable, insecure, fearful, and the list goes on. A once confident person reduced to rubble. It shook my identity and made me question all that I believed. I was so angry and bitter. I eventually accepted my circumstances and lot in life. It has been extremely humbling and lonely these 13 years since his passing.

Grief has more to do with who you are, what your needs are and/or were, and figuring out how it and you fit into this thing called life. It will give you peace as you forgive and resolve your past and identity with who you are now. Don’t get discouraged by the truth. It is sometimes hard to accept but it is not written in stone. We each have the potential to become that which we dream of being which is the hope we cling to that spurs us on into tomorrow one more time as we each take one day at a time; sometimes one moment at a time. Your counselor is there to help you wade through all that.

You are blessed to have a counselor; therefore you are not alone. Your family is only a phone call away, and it sounds like you have great teachers and friends who have your best interest at heart. But I do understand that feeling alone. It never seems to astound me with all those people how you can wind up unable to reach anyone in your greatest hour of need, but God. He is always there wheather or not you believe in him or if you are angry with him and don’t want to turn to him. He alone has the power to truly heal an open wound. I love counselors and physchologist. They can help people to do self healing in some amazing ways, but some wounds are too deep and need the healing hand of our Heavenly Father who created us in our mother’s womb. I have great respect for psychologyist who collaborate with the Heavenly Father and help their patients to truly heal.

Grief is not about the dead. It is about the living and how we learn to adapt and move forward.

My greatest hurdle to over come is choosing to love those around me who don’t give a shit or would want to harm me, because it ultimately makes me a happier person and makes my small portion of existence a better place to live for however long I have. In that manner I retain my purpose and value and worth and no one can take that from me.

I'm sorry about the loss of your father. Those sound like very challenging circumstances to be in. I agree with chickenlil that the grief takes precedence over the school right now. I don't really have any advice except to not worry about anything but the essentials right now. You can get back to school later. People are always here if you need to talk.

I appreciate your comment chickenlil. It took every ounce of my energy not to want to scream at my advisor and program coordinator too. Because they saw me when I returned from the funeral services, let me continue to attend my clinical and seven weeks before the semester ends, they tell me... they will fail me if I continue to go because his untimely death has shifted me. I'm sorry but I had it. Because they focused on the grief not once concentrate on that fact, I was trying to get help and seeking personal counseling. Once, I signed the papers, I think I felt somewhat relieved but defeated too. But I have to focus on me and I don't when people are being genuine because they solely focus on the grief and not me as a person. I am defined by this grief. No longer the intellectual being for now or fashionable being. And, I find myself saying this over and over with exhaustion because people don't get it. I don't cultivate relationships right now because my so-called friends back home abandoned me when I decided to relocate for school and work to better myself and when I delivered this news: they gave their condolences but wanted to about whether I was still in weddings and other occasions. I cannot focus on dating because I am not in a healthy mindset so I back off from romance. I can only focus on making myself happy and better. .

I appreciate your comment Wendy123. I am strong; I like to consider myself a relatively strong young woman. Any obstacle a professor, friend, and or male I have an encounter, I know how to get rid of and move on. Grief is like a test that I never have seen coming and I have experienced it before but never in this capacity. Therefore, this is not like an assignment where I ask for a deadline and poof it's gone. Nope, I tried to do that. It did not work. So yeah, I have experienced isolation, crying, mood swings, anxiety, and breakdowns. My mother is supporting me every step of this journey because she lost her estranged father when she was in her 30's and I was a child. But I am trying to figure out what's going to make this a positive healing process for me.

I'm glad you have your mom to help you through this. It's good you are smart and strong and are reaching out. Hope you're doing ok this weekend and easier days are coming soon. hugs.

Thank You Wendy123, I am maintaining.

Oh, I'm very sorry on both counts Sweetie. Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I agree with the others: you didn't have much of a choice probably as grief is so all consuming. Be good to yourself. You need some pampering right now. God bless.

Thank you Shadowlady for your comment. I didn't have much choice. Before coming to my current university, I had experienced 15 deaths from family, friends, and relationships with men. I just went about my day, weeks, and years. I wanted to work on the grief then, but my advisor/supervisor for counseling was insensitive and didn't care about what I am going on. Therefore, I had to prove to her I wasn't weak and would finish my experience and move onto Lehigh University. Present-day, Lehigh wants me to focus on the complicated grief with this unexpected grief for right now, and I am just trying to make sense of everything. But it was something, I had to do to be a healthier me mentally, physically, and emotionally. It became all heavy.