Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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NeedAdvice2013 08/30/2018

I will try and be brief….as possible….

I have battled depression ALL of my life!!!! (now 51…) Been on EVERY anti depressant under the sun…(I have Chronic Depression) been to 21 different mental health…”so-called professionals”…who did nothing but charge me mega $$$$$$ and use their stupid CBT techniques…(CBT is insane! It takes AWAY from your issues instead of helping them! Their theory is: “Well…you are burning up=literally---no help available…but it is drizzling rain—so focus on that…) I have been Inpatient twice---due to two suicide attempts…

I hate life and I hate myself! Always have on both counts!

One main issue is: I tried for ages to build a nice body—I worked out…ate right---had a trainer….even did steroids (which messed me up more) and NEVER could “get there”!!! Google of Greg Valentino or Ronnie Coleman….this is “the look” I so wanted….but could not get!

Since a child…I have ALWAYS wanted to look like someone else…ANYONE else but ME! I always see other guys who have “the look” and I have crap! I am ashamed to take my clothes off and shower….and even more ashamed to be seen in public with clothes on!!!! It is a disgrace and an embarrassment to have been born like this! My face is also riddled with acne scars….

You know…all other guys…. …have muscles…thick hair-----they party thru college (I worked my way thru) and when they get out..Boom! They get opportunities slung at them! The crap that comes so easily for others never even happened for me…in spite of all my wasted effort, time, and energy!!!

Every female I have been in a relationship with…I felt inadequate/insecure/unworthy…and when we would go out and I would see a guy who has “the look” I could sense she wanted him……Face is acne scar ridden----But I know my lot in life is to make others feel good about who they are

Please I do not want to hear personality matters---tried that----I have learned to accept being alone---just cannot accept why life gave me such a raw deal……..

Please no bs about "well I have other gifts" NO I do not!

Besides--I have had to suffer thru with this body---why could I not ever make it acceptable? Why do other guys attain what I NEVER could!!!!!! Heck I do not/never did want a million bucks or to be rich and famous---just self esteem filled-----but as I said, no such luck.......

My only thing that keeps me going--is I am 51 now---so my "sentence" here on Earth is at least 80% over---hopefully more!!! It will be completely over when I've reached my limit (fyi see my last journal post----)

rosecandy 08/30/2018

I know we've discussed some of these issues privately before and I'm really sorry that recent events have kicked them all back up again. I can really relate to some of it because as hard as I've tried in my life not to be hung up on how I look, or even tried to be happy and comfortable with my looks, I still know and have it in the back of my head that I'm always being judged for it by someone. Which is why it's not so important, I suppose. Because people will judge you anyway. No matter what you look like... you will be beautiful to someone, and not-so-beautiful to someone else. I've had problems with my self-esteem for a very long time, too. It takes a lot of effort to come to a point of radical acceptance.

Especially when, as you said, you're constantly feeling held back in life because of it.

I know you don't want to hear this, but you really are a great person. The compassion and kindness you've shown me could only come from a beautiful heart and I would really hate to see you become bitter. I can understand it. But I think you have a wonderful spirit and I don't want to see that becoming clouded and stormy.

I just want you to know I'm here for you. You've been there for me and I owe you big time for all of the time and energy you've gifted to me. Pm me soon, okay? Vent it out. I wanna listen.

looney1 08/30/2018

Have you tried DBT? It might be more helpful for you than CBT. CBT helped me a lot but not everything works for everyone. Rosecandy is right when she says acceptance is more conducive to inner peace. Its something I'm learning as I age, I'm never going to be a hottie again even if I ever was, but that's ok. I'm trying to put more focus on others than myself now. Good luck. I hope you find the answers that are right for you.

NeedAdvice2013 08/30/2018

Acceptance???? WTF would me or anyone want to accept being shit whenever they were born---nobody has no idea how embarrassing, humiliating, devastating, etc...just o look at myself, let alone have to be seen in public

LettGoBreathe 08/30/2018

You are not alone in dealing with insecurity about how you look. This is an issue I've faced my entire life though I was always considered "pretty", I always felt ugly. Deformed. Bullied for my small chest. These women may not want the guy with muscles, but what they do want is someone with confidence. Don't worry if you're not there yet. Just have to feel it, really feel it, that what you look like doesn't matter. Personally, I will go for someone who makes me feel wanted, sexy and fun in a casual way over looks ANY day.

LettGoBreathe 08/30/2018

But yeah. Been there. I still can't take my bra off around men because of how bullied I was in elementary and middle school. Being a girl who looks different is just as hard as being a guy, sometimes.

momenttaker 08/30/2018

I get the sense that you torture yourself more than others torture you....at least now. Being bullied as a kid, I now take over that role, then chew myself out when I catch myself doing it. I am my own worst enemy.

Seriously though, would you love yourself if you did achieve "the look"? What would happen as time went on and the natural course of age took hold? And who, besides advertisers, is telling you that women have to have "sexy" men? So not true for me, the first thing on my list is gentle...

Please don't base your value on your physical. You are much more than that.

Ninja_Tonks 08/30/2018

I have to be blunt with you.

I think a certain level of insecurity is healthy and even wise. We should question ourselves. But you hate yourself so much... you have to work on that self-hate. It matters way more than your appearance. I'd much rather have a guy who is a little pudgy, with some acne, who has good personality than an attractive man with a bad attitude. In fact, I go for the nerdy types because I am a nerd myself.

I won't sit here and tell you looks don't matter. But looks for a guy is 4th or 5th on my list of things that matter. 1st. Kindness. 2nd. good attitude. 3rd. honesty & transparency. 4th. similar lifestyle and interests.

Sure, looks matter. But your attitude, from what I can tell, is much much uglier than your appearance. You could Brad Pitt right now and your attitude would put people off. Maybe you hide it around others, but people can tell something is brewing.

Rage and self-hatred are deep emotional issues you need to work on. Consider that emotional trauma will effect your appearance--especially weight and skin issues. Some people can't lose weight until they deal with their emotional issues.

I hope that is helpful and I hope you find some healing. I think underneath all this is a good man... find him and let him out.

KittyKai 08/30/2018

Beauty really DOES come from within! A warm glow coming from inside is what makes people attractive. I once had a classmate and close friend that was afflicted with Treacher Collins Syndrome, she was badly disfigured but she was beautiful! She even married to a college classmate. She had the most amazing sense of humor!

KK

KittyKai 08/30/2018

Congrats on working your way through college! 'Amazing! Have you ever considered writing a book? You sound as though you have a great deal to offer! I will be looking forward to your future posts.

Two of my sons went to college on the G-I Bill.

KK

MaryTurk 08/30/2018

I am concerned...so much anger!

Reference my response to your journal and post on Champions of Christ.

LU, brother.

patti22 08/31/2018

Has today been better?

WanderingVet 08/31/2018

Take a serious look into MODERN ECT.

Bobby5000 08/31/2018

I think most of us here believe you could find a nice woman who could get over a little acne and might not care about muscles, but a persistent angry attitude is probably tough to get away from. Take 30 days and try and see if this works. Meet a few women and smile, try to see what they are interested in, and discuss their interests. Sincerely listen. (win how to win friends and influence people). After you spoken and gotten to know them, ask them out for coffee or a drink, and have a nice night out.

I think you may find someone. I have a family member who gets a number of girls and his secret is confidence, being a good listener, and being just a fun person to be with.

NeedAdvice2013 09/01/2018

WTF is Modern ECT???

WanderingVet 09/01/2018

google it.

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