Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
in 45 minutes to bike 2 miles to walmart for stuff; a sunday for almost no traffic, and also bad memories of long ago sundays.
my worthless, drunken, cold hearted dad would take me to church 8 miles away, with annual end of year whatever members meetings after church, for an hour or two---for me to sit in car at curb unitl it was over, with me only last year realizing he wouldn't let some bum be stuck like that, but it was ok for me to sit in the car for an hour or two.
wasn't till last year I realized all his church in his hometown 8 miles away nonsense was really about him growing up poor and now having a well paying job, and waiting to act like a big shot----and once he couldn't work anymore, that's when he killed himself.
my church going dad to bars for TWELVE HOURS every Saturday. And he cold hearted and cheapskate to me, while being nice to lowlifes and blowing his money like some bum. And he never bothered fixing our shack of a house up, the worst looking house in town, with me being reminded of that when I do bicycle from one end to another to walmart.
almost natural for me to have had a lousy life cause of all this. And also natural for me to not be religious, for lots of other reasons.
so, the concept of god and hell is meaningless to me. I have had my hell on earth, so it would be downright crazy for me to even imagine any afterlife hell. And, any god that exists should let people have happy lives and memories, otherwise, no point in a god.
20 minutes more for me to bike past churches on way to walmart...
(mike, not so anonymously, in nepa)
my worthless, drunken, cold hearted dad would take me to church 8 miles away, with annual end of year whatever members meetings after church, for an hour or two---for me to sit in car at curb unitl it was over, with me only last year realizing he wouldn't let some bum be stuck like that, but it was ok for me to sit in the car for an hour or two.
wasn't till last year I realized all his church in his hometown 8 miles away nonsense was really about him growing up poor and now having a well paying job, and waiting to act like a big shot----and once he couldn't work anymore, that's when he killed himself.
my church going dad to bars for TWELVE HOURS every Saturday. And he cold hearted and cheapskate to me, while being nice to lowlifes and blowing his money like some bum. And he never bothered fixing our shack of a house up, the worst looking house in town, with me being reminded of that when I do bicycle from one end to another to walmart.
almost natural for me to have had a lousy life cause of all this. And also natural for me to not be religious, for lots of other reasons.
so, the concept of god and hell is meaningless to me. I have had my hell on earth, so it would be downright crazy for me to even imagine any afterlife hell. And, any god that exists should let people have happy lives and memories, otherwise, no point in a god.
20 minutes more for me to bike past churches on way to walmart...
(mike, not so anonymously, in nepa)
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A tree outside where I live is dying, seemingly from dog urine----with the bully in my building going out his way to not only have his dog urinate there but to have the dog urinate on the fence and sign I bought to try save the tree----and then slide the sign under my apt door.Turns out that was a TRIGGER for me----bullying and humialtion right out of high school. I didn't realize it at the...
Now that's funny cuz they are CHURCH going folk an I have never stole anything from them, hell at that time I hadn't seen them in eight years or so.....all I can say is they can have their god.
Though when I think about it I just might go and join one of those charismatic churches you know the ones that jump around and such just for the free show. Hay they don't charge admission just donations. Kind of like giving to a pan-handler...!
He does.
my mom once angrily blurted out that she met my dad in a bar, and that he only started going to church after his legs were burnt real bad at work from molten metal.
my dad still went to bars, left my mom waiting for him to come home at 3 in morning, then at 9? sunday morning my dad and me to church 8 miles away.
I do admit that hindus do seem happy enough with a religion involving re-incarnation, which might make life on earth easier to handle, along with death, since you are coming back in a tangible form.
I struggle myself with my relationship with God, but I've learned that religion is a set of rules that people sometimes do or do not follow. I don't believe it's about religion. I believe it's about having a personal relationship with God.
it is the first steps in processing them
and making good use of them to create the kind of life (inner life and outer life) that you can appreciate and find satisfaction in
are you in therapy? if you are or can be, its this very stuff that are nuggets of gold to get really important work done
maybe all this stuff is surfacing for you, along with all these intense feelings because your spirit is asking you to do something constructive with them
((hugs))
I'm revealing all this because I feel like I have one foot in a pauper's grave, and I want to reveal this before I go. A # of people my own age from my past are already dead. Late 40s/early 50s is life expectancy of people I've known.
i grew up bullied at school, and then home to cold hearted parents ashamed of me for that, so my brain shut down to deal with that, for decades.
my lowlife parents told their side of the story, to drunks, addicts, a some guy supposedly in the mafia, con artists, a babysitter pregnant by a married man---those were the people they liked, and even wasted money on.
It's constructive to come out with the truth, especially since my lowlife, money wasting dad, even complained to his priest about depressed, secluded me, not having a job.
I did once believe in ancestor worship....despite my grandfather killing himself 10 years before I was born, his son/my uncle getting killed by a car 2 years later, another uncle being found dead under a bridge after their mom died, and another uncle who spent most of his adult life in a mental hospital for schizophrenia, even dying there.
I am starting to relate to the uncle who died in a mental hospital.
i have accepted Fate as a god...if i would have had just a better life, none of this would have been put on the internet---i was willing to hide it, for decades; FATE stepped in.
my parents WERE pitiful----until they became criminals by killing my chance for a normal enough life....most real convicted criminals have pitiful pasts.
i have only the past, no present or future. I'm on disability with no $ to do much of anything. I leave my apt for avg of 5 hours a week...? About the only conversations i have with people in public are with cashiers, for 30 seconds.
THIS IS THE LIFE MY PARENTS WANTED FOR ME.
My parents probably had MAJOR anxiety and shame---keeping me in seclusion meant nobody would gossip to them about anything they saw me doing or being with.
when i was in a deep depression / seclusion, age 18 -20, with me even cutting my robinson Caruso type hair, with sizzors, my parents told people i lived in another state----that's how they dealt with my depression.
meanwhile, my dad went to bars and church, and my mom bought new living room / kitchen furniture at least once a year, if not more....i had one of those old oilcloth floor coverings for my bedroom.
"the cruelest lies are told in silence"---Charles dickens.
(two cop cars were outside minutes ago, for my drunken neighbor; nothing new)
after keeping all this secret for decades, and me being regarded as the village idiot, even by the drunks and addicts in this redneck town, high school drop-out me takes some comfort of revealing this, before i go..the way of all flesh.
this isnt a bad thing, as uncomfortable as it might feel, its a request from deep down for you to make something constructive and empowered by processing and healing this stuff
I'm telling you, its very exciting golden nugget stuff...let a therapist help you with the task, it sounds like youre standing right at the point where everything could change direction
:)