Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi! I read a yesterday, and had a completely different reaction than I think I should have...
I will share more about my current situation and reaction later but for now, I just want to say this...
For the last few weeks/months I have been struggling with whether or not I am an alcoholic/addict...I never thought I had a problem...and I still don't think I do...I do struggle with other things...like procrastination, and being right and knowing everything and wanting to control everything...but I don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs...never have, never will...I know the problems associated with those vices...
My husband on the other hand, is a life-long addict who does nothing to work on his problem but ignore it...and I love my husband...and I have no intention of ever leaving my husband because he is an addict...but the hurt and pain that I have endured as a result of his being an addict has been enough to bring me down to where I am today...
I am never completely happy...with anything...I can't finish anything that I start...I struggle with feelings of FRUSTRATION, FATIGUE, FAILURE, and FEAR...which tend to lead to a severe struggle with depression...and I know what I am struggling with because I was struggling with it four years ago this very day when Hurricane Ike hit...but I am good at hiding it...kind of.
Over the last five months I have pushed everything and everyone that matters to me out of my life...some for the good some for the bad...but I have still managed to get back down to where it is just me, myself and I...and struggling with this severe unhappiness...I go to church...I go to my open share meetings, step study meetings, and I volunteer at a health clinic for 4 hours a week...but other than that I just sit at home and waste away in gloom, despair and agony...WHY....why do I do this to myself...
This was just a quick look into the millions of thoughts floating around in my brain for the last five months...if you go back and read my past journal entries you will find more of the same...for now, I'll just leave you with this short glimpse...and hopefully later, I can come back and write on what I think was my strange reaction to this letter. Bye for now!
I will share more about my current situation and reaction later but for now, I just want to say this...
For the last few weeks/months I have been struggling with whether or not I am an alcoholic/addict...I never thought I had a problem...and I still don't think I do...I do struggle with other things...like procrastination, and being right and knowing everything and wanting to control everything...but I don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs...never have, never will...I know the problems associated with those vices...
My husband on the other hand, is a life-long addict who does nothing to work on his problem but ignore it...and I love my husband...and I have no intention of ever leaving my husband because he is an addict...but the hurt and pain that I have endured as a result of his being an addict has been enough to bring me down to where I am today...
I am never completely happy...with anything...I can't finish anything that I start...I struggle with feelings of FRUSTRATION, FATIGUE, FAILURE, and FEAR...which tend to lead to a severe struggle with depression...and I know what I am struggling with because I was struggling with it four years ago this very day when Hurricane Ike hit...but I am good at hiding it...kind of.
Over the last five months I have pushed everything and everyone that matters to me out of my life...some for the good some for the bad...but I have still managed to get back down to where it is just me, myself and I...and struggling with this severe unhappiness...I go to church...I go to my open share meetings, step study meetings, and I volunteer at a health clinic for 4 hours a week...but other than that I just sit at home and waste away in gloom, despair and agony...WHY....why do I do this to myself...
This was just a quick look into the millions of thoughts floating around in my brain for the last five months...if you go back and read my past journal entries you will find more of the same...for now, I'll just leave you with this short glimpse...and hopefully later, I can come back and write on what I think was my strange reaction to this letter. Bye for now!
You love your husband and tou don't want to leave him, that is your choice, but if he is unwilling to change then are you sure you want to continue to have this sort of relationship with yourself?
I say that and mean, if he is making you feel depressed due to his actions whilst being an addict, do you love him more than you love yourself?
You deserve to be treated with respect and kindess and compassion. If he is unwilling to change then there is nothing you can do to force him. But if he feels the same way then maybe having an open and honest talk with him would be a good idea
I am here if you want to talk
xxx
thanks for your reply...but ...I know it's not my husband...it's me...His addiction is just a small part of the problem...He hasn't used in 9 months...and recently, since it's only the two of us at home now he has started to come around, I guess...but I know for a fact that these feelings gloom, despair, and agony are due to struggles I am having with myself!....as I stated above, I've been attending a recovery program for myself and I am finding that it is really,really hard to face the truth about myself...and how I've contributed to my own unhappiness...but even so, I am still unwilling to give up and to give up control...It's just so hard for me to just let go, and let god...or to just let go and do what I think is right for me...like enjoy myself...I don't know why it's so hard to be nice to myself considering that I do love myself and consider myself a great person...i don't know, I am just so confused, and exhausted...and frustrated...and fatigued...and just plain feel like a complete failure!!!!
My current plan is fighting actively back. I am doing a routine of wellness and better thinking and I am doing it as though my life depends on it and in reality it does.
Not easy at all. Easy would be a bullet. Laying around dwelling on being miserable is just not an option anylonger. I have wasted a few years doing this and dammit enough. If you want to talk I'm available as a support. We all need each other in this battle for our happiness.
Do you know anything about codependency? Sometimes when the mate starts getting better and start wanting to take control over things it is hard for the mate to give up control. Just thinking out loud here. Have you ever read books on the subject?