Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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macabrina 01/26/2015

It just keeps getting worse. My husband took our daughter back to college this weekend so he was gone for a couple of days. He got back last night. He has yet to touch me. No hug when he got home. No kiss. Nothing. I'm struggling on the edge now because I don't know if I keep fighting for my marriage or just give up. He told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore, and I'm pretty sure he's having an affair although that's just my suspicion. We've been married 21 years and it was wonderful until just the past few months. Everything we've gone through with our daughters in the last six months -- the oldest one shacking up with a lazy, drug-using loser, the middle moving to college in New York, and the youngest attempting suicide -- had put a strain on our marriage but I though it would pass. I thought we were working through it. He seemed so angry all the time so I just stayed out of his way. I figured he needed space. Now he tells me that's part of why he feels the way he does, because he thinks I was avoiding him.
We always had a great relationship. He was my best friend. We laughed together, joked around a lot, talked all the time. We enjoyed just being together. We had a great sex life. It was all good. Now there's just nothing. No laughter. No conversation. Definitely no sex for months now.
He said he just wants to keep pretending everything's fine until our youngest graduates from high school (four years from now). I know I can't do that. It tears me up every time I look in his eyes and see nothing. The connection we had for so long is not there. He doesn't smile at me. He doesn't talk to me.
At first I thought I would fight with everything I had to save my marriage. A few rough months isn't worth throwing away 21 years, right? But then I get thinking, how long has he been pretending? Have I been blind to his indifference for longer than I realized and he's just not as good at hiding it now?
I don't know what to do. Is it worth fighting? Or does that make me a needy, pathetic loser who can't accept the end?

gramybear 01/26/2015

Ask him if he would be willing to go to counseling to try and save this marriage of 21 years and see what he says. His answer is going to determine where he stands on whether he even wants to save this marriage. Then you can go from there. It sounds like he is pushing you away and hoping that you will be the one to suggest ending the marriage. Please let us know what happens and how you are doing. We are here to help you get through this. Hugs GB

WanderingVet 01/26/2015

Marriage .... did not work for me, but every situation is different. The way I see it, it is a situation of either 'this' or 'that'. You go to a movie ... you either watch it to the end or get up and leave ,,,, depends on whether it is a good movie or a bomb (to over simplify).

Only you can make that decision. Marriage is a (constant) issue of 'control' ... with control moving from one to the other back and forth. When the other party has (by any means) too much 'control', .. someone has to make a decision .... live with it or live without it.

Sorry you are having these problems. Unfortunately, only you can decide.

Diane-M 01/26/2015

I was going to mention counseling as well. If he is willing. Our marriage was in trouble. We had discussed divorce. But luckily, Greg was willing to give counseling a try. It took a very long time....but we are in a very good place right now. Whatever happens, i hope you find some peace. And i am willing to listen if you want to PM me

TroJanThunder 01/26/2015

Something must have happened that you don't know about and he is not willing to spill. Could it be all the problems with the kids are just too much for him to bear?

I hope you can get him to try counseling. It was great for a long time! I DO think that is worth fighting for!

ThePepperMan 01/26/2015

I agree with the counseling idea. Go by yourself if he will not go. It is better if both of you go, but there is a chance that the therapist can help you find that hidden thing that TroJan is talking about.

ZAZAS 01/26/2015

Sometimes, problems with the kids overwhelm the parents. Keep talking to him. If you not reaching out to him during the problems is a reason he has, try to work on it. Counseling may help.

Angela-Boyle 01/26/2015

I am so sorry you guys are going through this. All those struggles put pressure on a relationship. Don't give up. Talk out all your feelings, seek counseling. But most importantly talk EVERYTHING out. Communication is the best thing in any relationship and forgiveness. Message me on here please!!!

blackhawkdown 01/27/2015

A whole host of questions for you. How old is he? Has he been ill in the past 3 months? Did you know that me also go through menopause? Have you asked him bluntly if he is having an affair? It sounds to me that he is waiting for your youngest to become 18 so he doesn't have to pay child support. Just a thought ...tell him to see his doctor and do blood tests, focus on his testosterone levels. When that level drops so does his chances of an erection which in turn is devastating on the male ego. Good luck.

deleted_user 01/27/2015

Some marriage problems are due to the build-up of small problems and dissatisfaction over many years, and this can't be easily solved. In any case, the priority should be the well-being of your children. Your youngest daughter definitely needs help fast.

millyimp22 01/27/2015

I would go along with counselling as a first step. And as has been said go alone if he will not agree and go with you. You say you now don`t know IF he is having and affair ,or if he has done in the last few months.I would also very quietly sit down with him ,and ask him outright ,if he is ..or has been having an affair .I believe his reaction to your question will give you a good idea if he is being truthful about it with you .Then decide, I think 21 years if everything has been as you describe.is well worth trying to save .I do so hope you will find him becoming more responsive to you and again become the loving husband you love ,wish ,and need to have again in your life
Take Care
Lorretta xx

danzer 01/27/2015

I have never been married before but love and commitment is something I can definitely relate to among other aspects within a relationship. I agree with the ladies about counseling because if there is no communication there is not relationship, just a commitment to support the well-being of the children. Focusing on finding ways to feel better and clear your thoughts should be a priority. Personally, I would go walking, running or even cleaning the house with music playing in order to clear my thoughts in order to re-evaluate things. It's not the answer to all of your issues, but it can provide a sense of relief from stress so that you can focus clearly of what your spouse has communicated to you so far. Hugs to you and keep us updated. Thanks for sharing.

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