I have struggled with depression for most of my adult life, and it seems like it has just taken over. The only thing that keeps me hanging in there is that I know what just ending it all would do to my mom, my kids and my grandson, and I wouldn't do that...but I've been unemployed, had to leave a volunteer position that I really loved because the state wanted me to take classes in how to look for work --for those who think people on assistant like it--no, it is demeaning beyond belief. Their idea of help was to have me take something that would have meant walking through the worst part of town at night and deal with substance abusers--really helpful for someone who had two abusive relationships with alcoholics--not in trouble for not taking it--the place asked if I've been a crime victim and/or have ever filed a restraining/stalking order--answer to both was yes, so they told the state this was not a good idea. The one friend I spent a lot of time with blames my daughter rather than her kids for everything, so who needs that. I try to go to church, but the only one in walking distance is conservative when I'm not, and some there seem to think depression is a sin rather than an illness. I was in therapy, but don't have a way to get there--only get transportation help to go to the stupid job search class. I am putting myself out there in the job market, and I hide the depression, but when there are no interviews coming, it just sets me back further. Sometimes I think my daughter would be better off if I just didn't wake up some morning.