Hi Moondrand, on this forum you can be anonymous if you want, and you can disclose anything you feel comfortable with to our friends on the forum. Is there anything that is bothering you, or that you just want to chat with us?

I think it is a product of our culture that men are perceived to be strong, withdrawn, and keeping everything inside until they explode, whilst women tend to discuss their issues with female friends. Perhaps this social concept has prevented many of us from seeking help. What is your view on this?

I agree with that point that its a by product of our culture. But even with the few who I know would be super supportive and understanding I still can not talk to them and I don't know how to get past this barrier.

If you have some issues that are bothering you and wishing to discuss, or just to vent, please feel free write as much that you feel comfortable.

Thank you

I should have known better against my better judgment I tried to re connect with my mom our relationship has been strained at the prodding of a friend I decided to give her another chance I made plans to visit her and notified and re affirmed the dat of Vista even made plans to treat her to a great dinner the day of she changed plans to hang out with her friends as she knew I no longer had plans she wanted me to babysit which I reluctantly agreed but later had to cancel as I got called into work she got passed off blaming me for ruining her plans and cut off contact

What can I say, you have been abandoned by your Mom for her friends! Perhaps you were not engaging enough conversations with your Mom to raise her interests for a follow-up meeting. Elderly people tend to gossip a lot, and you just have to keep up with the gossips. Take this advice from a gal who has to sit through mind-numbing conversations with geriatrics who have short-term memory loss and cannot remember the subjects of the discussion raised five seconds before.

I don't know where you live but in my state, elderly people over 60 are not allowed to leave the house, and cannot congregate or visit anybody. Tell your Mom that contacting with other elderly persons will spread the virus. That will keep your Mom housebound for you to surprise her with a dinner date.

I don't blame you for avoiding the babysitting job, but someone has to do the dirty, poop cleaning, ass-wiping tasks that we gals detest.

All Moms blame on their children, often with no cause or with trivial reasons. Perhaps you can find out why your Mom is so excited to blame you for ruining her plans. If your Mom is meeting a gentleman friend, perhaps ruining her plans is justified. It is quite difficult for Mommy to cut off all contact with their children these days, You can set up your mobile to ring her every 5 minutes until she breaks silence, or spam her email until she rings you. Do I sound like a stalker or a serial killer? Or better still, sweeten her heart by ordering flowers and chocolate delivered to her home. Just don't order a basket of fruits during the COVID season in case someone coughs over it.

Hope these advices help with your relationship with your Mom. :)

Relationships are tough and we can not control others actions. Just keep trying to be the better person and she will come around eventually. Besides working to be the better person will only make you feel better. Sorry it’s been hard for you. Thanks for sharing.

Moonchand - hi glad you talked about your issue with Mom. I can understand your feelings in this situation with Mon. I personally would feel very hurt. and angry.

I would definitely place boundaries and limitations with your mom. If you have difficulty with this, go see a counselor or therapist. They will assist you on how to implement. We all need to do this in life. It can save you a lot heartache.
Youtube has videos: Setting boundaries and limitations.

Don't babysit...they are not your children.
She should not blame you for ruining her plans....in which she cancelled plans you had with her........only to trap you into babysitting and then guilt tripping you!! Even if you did not have to go to work...I would make other plans or pretend plans and do not babysit. Do not reward bad behavior....


I'm sorry she did that to you. It's really disrespectful.
I've had plans in the past with friends, whom dumped me for a more advantageous outing with someone else. Not a good feeling....
When someone dumps you...don't agree to do any favors for them.
If you do...it will teach them how to treat you...and lead to more of this.
You will end up angry and resentful,

(((Hugs)))

As a follow up to my prior post.

Kati Morton has a Youtube Channel-she's a Youtube Mental Health Professional.
She has a couple videos you may find helpful or enlightening. You can be the judge.

1.) 5 Ways to Teach People How to Treat Us Properly!

1.) Notice when we reinforce bad behavior;
2.) Recognize you have the right to walk away;
3.) Understand we have a right to say "no";
4.) Recognize we have insight about unhealthy relationships and we can
act on that;
5.) Stick with it!! (Boundaries and limitations)

The second video is:

2.) 5 Signs your parent is a Narcissist

1.) They see you as an extension of them;
2.) Emotional Blackmail;
3.) Public Shaming;
4.) They are always the VICTIM;
5.) Neglect.

Trauma, abuse, and neglect can cause people to find it really hard to talk about their feelings. They've never been made to feel that their feelings, wants, and wishes matter. It can really be hard to understand where to begin to unravel all these feelings, they are so intertwined,

Best wishes.

Thank you all very much