Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello. I'm very new here. I'm so glad I found this place though because I'm having such a difficult time. I'm at a point where I'm just stuck in a frustrating vicious cycle. I'm a survivor of the 1 October shooting and that tragedy has torn my life apart. I thought these depressive thoughts were just a result of trauma and I guess they are but it's been over 7 months since the shooting and I'm only getting worse. I've started hurting myself again, I'm now having extremely strong suicidal thoughts and I've lost all motivation to do anything from homework to even getting out of bed in the morning. I'm just tired. I'm so done with life and myself that I don't want to move and all I can do is think about how much I hate myself. I told my parents about my suicidal thoughts in hopes that they'd somehow know how to help me but they told me it's normal because I'm afraid of them and they yelled at me for it. It feels like they're trying to avoid my feelings. I'm so frustrated because this is not normal and I need them to listen for once. I'm terrified, angry, and sad. As of recently I've noticed I haven't been sleeping and I'm losing my appetite. Tonight I cut myself and I regret it so much. I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want to wake up. I just don't know what to do or where to go anymore. I know this whole thing was a train wreck grammatically but I really just needed to get this out there.
As you say you survived, so at some point when you're stronger, as one DSr put it, you're going to have to put away the victim and bringout the survivor. You'r going to have to don your warrior outfit and go out there and change things one little step at a time. Right now, that must seem like an impossibility.
If you're feeling good, let it be. If you're feeling bad, let it be, don't fight it.
Your parents - I wonder if they were present on that night - they seem to be dealing with emotional issues too and may be feeling overwhelmed so they shout and seem not to understand.
If your parents are temporarily unavailable confide in someone you trust, be it friend, teacher or school counsellor.
You may want to call one of these:
USA: Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
USA: Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-8255)
USA: Teen Covenant House Nineline: 1-800-999-9999
USA: SOS Teen Hotline: 1-800-355-0660
You may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder - there's a group on DS you can join.
I don't know what you must be going through - I think it's going to get worse before it gets better and you may be in for a lifelong battle. The hardest thing may be that you must never give up fighting. It's the type of person you can become now that's important. It can turn out better eventually. Easy for me to say. I wish you all the strength and comfort possible. You can always turn to Jesus and tell him everything. God is one of your parents too,
There is only one thing you need to do: the bible (New Testament) says 'there is only one thing needful' - what is it? Tell me, I need to know too : )
You will find a lot of people here on DS that totally understand your feelings and situation. You are NOT alone my friend :) Keep looking for answers as knowledge is amazingly helpful. It's easier to deal with our condition when you understand it better. Please keep posting. If your parents won't listen talk to you school guidance counselor. With all of the senseless shootings and violence we are finding PTSD to be more an more of an issue. Sad but true.
You WILL get through this and it will pass so please remember this is just a temporary low point in your life. I've been there and done that my friend...you are a survivor and you are alive for a purpose :)