Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm so frustrated with "trying". Everything seems trying. Trying to move past trauma, getting over grief, out of poverty. I'm just trying every single day.
Tonight I feel very down. I miss my father, my home. I'm jealous and angry and happy for people who still have it. I'm on a long list for a real therapist and the only person I can talk to without bias is my GP. I have a boyfriend but it kind of feels like I don't alot of times but having no one at all even for a brief period of time seems nightmarish. I could do better, probably, but my deep fear of total loneliness, total loss of a single deep connection won't let it happen.
I want to go home and stop trying and I can't. It's physically not possible and never will be again. I know it's time to move on but I just don't have the tools.
It's becoming embarrassing to spend my time crying to my GP about these things. He tells me I'll get better when I get better. What if it doesn't come? Can I be blamed for giving up? Why can't I just be remembered for making it this far against the odds?
I'm here because no one is truly listening in my life. I tried to speak out loud but people at this hour are just too tired for my sorrow now.
What do you do when the solitude of the night sets in and even arbitrary connections are asleep? Or would rather be asleep? My breakdowns and coping are not convenient for people but I need the help of people. I'm just spiraling spiraling spiraling.
My doctor put me on an antipsychotic and I think it made my symptoms worse. I'm going to stop taking it but it doesn't help the right now. I really think it's to blame for these fixations again.
Tuxedocats, cool name btw. I am not creative. I just want you to know that you’re not alone in those feelings. I’m awake tonight for a lot of reasons. Just when I was calming down a bug fell on me.
I have a beautiful, affectionate, silly, one year old who loves food, cats and especially me. But I am still so incredibly depressed and scared for her future because I hope I make it there. Every day has its own challenges. Some days are worse than others. If the meds aren’t working tell him you feel worse. You may need something that attacks it differently. Never keep taking meds if they make you feel worse but you may need to ween yourself off so call the doc first.
You are worth it. You are not your past. Sadly, the people in our lives who’ve never been where we’ve been will never be able to support us as fully as we need them to. If you are specific in asking for a type of support you may get it. You may not but other people’s actions is not a reflection of us. Celebrate Recovery has been incredibly helpful to me. I’ve met people who are going through what I’m going through, people who’ve been here and are on the other side of it and people with pasts like mine. They are my support team. They are who I reach out to when I’m anxious (if I’m brave enough) or depressed or scared or just need someone to say anything to me because I feel alone. Reaching out is hard but it’s much easier when you know the people on the other side will reach back. Meeting people is hard, even at a support group so if DS is all you can manage right now that’s ok. You will find support here. We are with you. We are here for you. We have been there. You can do this. We do not want you to give up. Sending virtual hugs your way. I’m going to try to get some sleep. I hope you do too.
You mentioned wanting to get through the grief and trauma and out of poverty, Those are excellent goals. I find it helpful to write mine down, then create a list of 'baby steps' to take to get to each. There are excellent resources out there, including the Celebrate Recovery program mentioned above! It's free and a 'safe place'. I read alot on Pinterest, too!
I re-read my list of action steps and goals alot, especially when I am at super low points. It helps me to write out the truths of progress being made, because the lies in my head keep telling me I'm failing to move forward at all. Maybe it would held you to do the same?
You're young and you will get through this and to the other side! I'm cheering for you, and so are lots of others. A virtual community is great, in addition to the face to face support groups out there!
I agree with the fact people who haven't "been here" can't really give the support to those who are here but I've yet to fully "understand it" or maybe accept it as a fact I hope you were able to get some sleep.
@red47640 I always think of the Simpsons episode when Bart is left home alone and he has tons of fun during the day but is petrified at night.
@ shadowlady - Thank you for the reply and the prayers.
@ Sage7 - Thanks for taking the time to read some of my previous posts. I'm sorry you lost your father as well. I managed to cope with the death of my mother fairly easily - we were never on good terms and I think I underestimated how loss would feel like when it came to someone I truly cared for, in more ways than one. I am coming up on my father's third year of having passed (April 9th is the anniversary) and recently got some government issued papers I had never seen before that had some of his writing so I think it's natural for me to feel a level of sadness now - though I do think it's compounded by the medication cocktail I've found myself on.
I'm trying the baby steps but baby steps are also slow going and I know as I carry this weight through these steps it will eventually lessen but I still feel an enormous weight on me right now. In my mind, although again - it definitely compounds issues, the poverty aspect of my life is the least worst thing I put up with and it's actually the most "real" thing that is currently happening to me. But I'm just overwhelmed - being young means I have young friends who still have parents, live at home rent-free and just have it much easier than I do which makes it hard to relate. I do think a group therapy would be good, but not a religious oriented one as those concepts (unfortunately, perhaps) don't resonate with me.
@Eeyore22 - Thank you for your words. I found listening to Alan Watts lectures, as well as (oddly enough) Jim Carrey's speeches and recent commentary and Ram Dass' experiences with death have helped alleviate some of my past thoughts. One thing that resonated with me was Jim Carrey in his recent Netflix documentary where he talks about how we are all just on a big ball floating through space so all of our concepts of what we think is a "reality" are not actually true and none of this really matters. It's a bit existential but in some really tough scenarios (like grief or dealing with the obstacles and treatment of those dealing with poverty) it helps to remember that in the end, we're all floating in a ball and space and it'll end the same way for all of us at one point or another.